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Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 4:46:57 PM   
sublizzy


Posts: 4
Joined: 8/2/2004
Status: offline 		Hello to All,

i am very new to this, as in no real life experience, which i had hoped to change when i found this site. i have spoken to a few people by email and there is one that i am very hopeful about, but there is also one who has made me so angry that i could spit.

He told me to refer to myself from here on out as 'cunt' and to check in and out with him before going/leaving work and other rules that made it feel like this is 24/7, which i don't want right now, a fact that i never hid. When i questioned some of his rules, he got angry and when he didn't hear from me for a few days (after a rather horrid death in the family) i received several insulting/taunting emails. According to him, because i question any of his rules, i am not submissive and do not belong on this site. He says i am trying to pawn myself off as a sub/slave when i am obviously not.

i guess my question is this: if i want to be a sub am i not allowed to question a Dom? Honestly i thought that was kind of the point, to do that kind of thing up front, before we actually meet, but perhaps i am wrong. While i know in my heart i am submissive, i don't want to be a full-time slave, and i'm not sure i want to give myself to someone i'm not allowed to 'talk' to. i hope this all makes sense and i would really appreciate any thoughts you have on this matter. i really would like to explore this side of myself, but i don't want to make a list of enemies in the process and i feel like i have one now.

Thanks to All of You,

lizzy
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 5:05:34 PM   
topcat


Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
Status: offline 		Midear Lizzy-

There are as many corners and nooks and crannies to this stuff as there are people doing it, and everyone's take on it is just as real for them.

In my scene (which really doesn't extend past my skull, swollen as it may be from time to time, we have a special term for one who approches this stuff the way that fellow did.

Assholes. often, lonely assholes.

hang in there. You can make up your own kink as you go along, and I bet you'll find someone to fit it.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

_____________________________

-there is no remission without blood-

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 5:17:23 PM   
darkinshadows


Posts: 4145
Joined: 6/2/2004
From: UK
Status: offline
sweet lizzy...

You have been true to yourself... and that is what counts. Being submissive or a slave doesnt mean that you are a submissive or a slave to all. If a person is not Your Master, then that person has no rights over you whatsoever. If You had accepted something that felt wrong for you, then that would have been dangerous for you.

No person can tell you, you are or are not a submissive/slave/Dominant/switch... etc

Be yourself. submit to yourself... understand and learn your limitations... discover who you are... your submission comes from who you are and what you do.

Peace upon your journey of discovery


_____________________________
.dark.



...i surrender to gravity and the unknown...

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 5:24:56 PM   
jillwfsub4blkdom


Posts: 375
Joined: 7/2/2004
Status: offline 		sublizzy,
They both gave you wonderful advice. i just have a quick question for you. Did you not put anything in your profile because of what happened with Him? i see you have your interests listed but nothing else.

_____________________________


"It's the moment that transcends
Our physical into a more spiritual level of understanding" - Musiq

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 5:45:18 PM   
NoCalOwner


Posts: 241
Status: offline 		Well said, dark~angel.

The submissive folk of the world are NOT the collective property of the world's dominants. For example, my slave will not automatically address all who claim to be Dom/mes as "Sir", "Lady", "Master" or "Mistress." Why not? Because her duty is to me and only me. If I feel that it's appropriate to give a particular individual a title, I will tell her so.

You are the property of nobody but yourself. Until such a time as you have a clear and concrete agreement to the contrary, you need not do *anything* just because somebody told you to. Submission must be earned. It is not the birthright of every bozo who fancies himself a Dom.

(in reply to darkinshadows)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:09:36 PM   
feline


Posts: 1101
Joined: 2/23/2004
From: CA
Status: offline
quote:

Assholes. often, lonely assholes.


Ok I can't agree with Lawrence enough on this one. The guy's a jerk! If you gave him your email addy etc. I would suggested you block him.

There are some great Doms out there and this is not one of them. So hang in there. And take your time. Anything that is worth having is worth waiting for.

BTW welcome to the lifestyle and Collar Me. There is much to be learned here. And many who are willing to help.

p.s.~ Sorry for encroaching on the "Masters" territory.


Take care,




Attachment (1)

_____________________________

Variety is the soul of pleasure.
~Aphra Behn~

(in reply to topcat)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:15:11 PM   
Leonidas


Posts: 2078
Joined: 2/16/2004
Status: offline 		Well, to the collective chorus of "off with his head" I would like to add one small reminder. This is an anonymous site. You don't have to prove that you are of age to sign up. There is a non-zero probability that you are dealing with a very horney 14 year old who fairly splits his britches to see you type "yes Sir" and say the really really naughty words like "cunt". If you are dealing with someone who doesn't seem to have any kind of handle on how to interact as an adult, the obvious answer is that they may not be one.

Something to keep in mind.

< Message edited by Leonidas -- 8/17/2004 7:29:17 PM >

_____________________________

Take care of yourself

Leonidas

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:39:45 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

i guess my question is this: if i want to be a sub am i not allowed to question a Dom?


I dont think questioning some random self-proclaimed LegendInHis/HerOwnMind (LIH/HOM) makes you any less of a submissive.

When my submissive questions me, it gives me opportunities to...

a) learn something new
b) spank her and then bang her senseless
c) give her onerous tasks to do so she wont question me any more unless I stand to learn something new from it.
d) rinse, repeat.

But back to the topic. There is no centralized governing board or published standards in the BDSM community. You can pretty much come up with whatever kink you feel like coming up with and odds are good you will eventually find somebody who matches up.

I also agree with those who said to log off and go out and meet people. If you meet them face to face you can see if they are a horny acne-faced teenager in their underwear, whereas there is always the niggling little doubt online.

Good luck!

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Leonidas)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:45:55 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline 		you forgot E) make them type a 3 page single spaced doctrine on what their question is, why they asked it, and what brought the question about.

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:49:56 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

you forgot E) make them type a 3 page single spaced doctrine on what their question is, why they asked it, and what brought the question about.


Right. This, of course, requires me to grade it and deliver another round of spankings, tasks, ravagings, cheerleader outfit wearings, etc.

Plus, they can provide bibliographical information so I can research it on my own and learn new stuff.

Its all good!

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to afmvdp)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 6:52:53 PM   
Sinergy


Posts: 9383
Joined: 4/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

3 page single spaced doctrine


I was once given an assignment for a 400 level class in college for a class paper which asked for 12-15 pages.

My finished assignment was 38 pages long, not including the pages of bibliographical information and footnotes.

I got an A+ with the notation at the top that it was ready to send to a publisher, and the name and address of a good publisher to send it to.

3 pages single spaced hardly seems like a punishment.

Sinergy

_____________________________

"There is a fine line between clever and stupid"
David St. Hubbins "This Is Spinal Tap"

"Every so often you let a word or phrase out and you want to catch it and bring it back. You cant do that, it is gone, gone forever." J. Danforth Quayle


(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 7:05:17 PM   
SentForu


Posts: 303
Joined: 3/23/2004
From: Middle Tennessee
Status: offline 		sublizzy,
I am new to this as well. No experience at all. LOL, I'm wondering is we both have talked to the same person. I have had a similar experience. The way I see it now is, my making what I want apparent, does not disqualify me as a submissive. I have learned a lot from these boards. One thing being, this lifestyle is different for everyone. If I don't want to be with a sadist, I'm damn sure not going to be. This could go right along with limits. Just because you have them, doesn't mean you're not a submissive. You have to look out for yourself.

As for questioning a Dom, I do it all the time. That's the only way I can get to know who he is inside. If you're not looking for 24/7, you don't have to. YOU choose who you submit to. It's not the other way around.

Sorry, if I have overstepped my bounds by giving advise in the Masters section.

Ya'll take care,

Myra

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 7:44:53 PM   
angelthighhighs


Posts: 104
Joined: 5/29/2004
Status: offline 		no "Dom" has the right to make any sorta rules for a sub that isn't his. from the sounds of it you were only just starting to talk with him and hadn't submitted to him. sounds like he was just taking advantage of your being new.

may i suggest that before you start really looking for a partner to take time to talk with both subs and slaves...and Dominants and pick their brains. don't let some wafflehead like the one you spoke with cause you to doubt yourself. no one can tell you whether you are submissive or not but you and the one you've decided to surrender to. as for being submissive enough, you only need to be as submissive as you are comfortable with and what you and your partner have set boundaries with. there will be some that perhaps you aren't submissive enough, but know what... that's fine. no one is going to match everyone's needs.

(in reply to SentForu)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 7:49:34 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
3 pages single spaced hardly seems like a punishment.
Sinergy


Note they are in kneeling position with hands restrained behind back at the time. haha

(in reply to Sinergy)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 8:04:58 PM   
ScorpioMaster


Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		sublizzy It takes time for you to trust your Dom and as time grows you do not question him. I usually will educate my sub so she could understand why I do these things I ask of her. The guy is just a player and it takes time for you to grow to understand what it means to be submissive. There are too many players on line and you need to educate yourself first so you can weed out the real people and the players. Subs have the right to use her head and best advice I can give you is to go out and buy the SM 101 book from Jay Wiseman so you can arm yourself with information. To call some one names before they can teach them why or to understand his sub is not what allot real Dom’s will do. Some people like humiliation to be called cunt and slut while some do not but he needs to understand if you are one. I also would recommend for you to seek out your local munches and sloshes in your community so you can learn for those who been in the lifestyle longer than you have been. Good luck

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 8:19:31 PM   
MrThorns


Posts: 919
Joined: 6/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: afmvdp

quote:

ORIGINAL: Sinergy
3 pages single spaced hardly seems like a punishment.
Sinergy


Note they are in kneeling position with hands restrained behind back at the time. haha


Are you referring to the tried and true "3-Pages-single-spaced-while-bound-kneeling-and-cuffed-with-a badly-worn-pencil-held-in-the-teeth-while-wearing-a-cheerleader-outfit-punishment"?


Evil... truly Evil.

We should get together and go bowlin'

~Thorns

_____________________________

~"Do you know what the chain of command is? Its the chain I beat ya with when ya don't follow my command."

"My inner child is a mean little fucker"

(in reply to afmvdp)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 8:33:42 PM   
afmvdp


Posts: 494
Joined: 7/10/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrThorns

Are you referring to the tried and true "3-Pages-single-spaced-while-bound-kneeling-and-cuffed-with-a badly-worn-pencil-held-in-the-teeth-while-wearing-a-cheerleader-outfit-punishment"?

Evil... truly Evil.

We should get together and go bowlin'

~Thorns



You've heard? Which one of them shared my tactics? haha. Bowling will only work if there's a good bartender nearby though.

(in reply to MrThorns)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 10:11:31 PM   
GeneLM


Posts: 1
Joined: 8/12/2004
From: Snohomish, Wa
Status: offline 		Over the years I have found that self proclaimed honorariums are generally not worth much of anything.

Trust and Respect is earned not proclaimed.

You will find one that will be worthy of that which you have to offer. If you wish someday to offer all of yourself in a TPT Ownership/property relationship then so be it. If you offer portions of that or all of it for portions of time then so be it.

Nobody worth your trust will demand absolute power before even meeting you.

Just my 2 cents,
Gene & family

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/17/2004 10:35:09 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		To me, the BIGGEST warning sign of an abuser/HNG/big jerk/"MasterSirMasterDomlyLordDom" is telling you that "submissives don't ask questions" or insiting that dominant people should not be questioned.

Common sense and saftey tell me that before enganging in anything with anyone I'm going to ask a buttload of questions to get a sense of that person and what they're about.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to GeneLM)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Am i not Submissive Enough? - 8/18/2004 5:18:18 AM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sublizzy
According to him, because i question any of his rules, i am not submissive and do not belong on this site. He says i am trying to pawn myself off as a sub/slave when i am obviously not.

i guess my question is this: if i want to be a sub am i not allowed to question a Dom? Honestly i thought that was kind of the point, to do that kind of thing up front, before we actually meet, but perhaps i am wrong. While i know in my heart i am submissive, i don't want to be a full-time slave, and i'm not sure i want to give myself to someone i'm not allowed to 'talk' to. i hope this all makes sense and i would really appreciate any thoughts you have on this matter. i really would like to explore this side of myself, but i don't want to make a list of enemies in the process and i feel like i have one now.

Thanks to All of You,

lizzy


Hi Lizzy,

I am not a dom but i will throw my two cents in anyway as people have told me i am not a sub either! I was going to post a like minded question on the same thing!

Well i have been active in the life for 4 years, i have had 2 serious relationships and yet with a group of like minded people i just got the same thing "Roe you dont act sub enough, you dont lower your eyes you dont do this or that" This is from a group of people i know and cherish in my heart, that i eat dinner with once a week and spend hours talking to. all because i do not submit to anyone in the group (nor should i or will i submit to the group).

When you are searching for someone to share this with you it is in YOUR best interest to ask ask ask, only because it will save you heart ache and possible more in the future. If you ask a dom a question and they dont answer it well that has to give yo ua clue about the person. Most doms who live the lifestyle, not just talk about when i ask them anything are willing to answer and assist and help me.

If you want a relationship where you can talk with your dom then thats what you look for. Some doms do not allow their subs to talk at will some do, some allow specific times for a speak freely session where you can address more serious issues without fear of repurcussion. These are things you talk about when meeting new people and it gets to the level where the possibilities are good for some sort of relationship will grow.

I know its not easy but there are a number of ways you can approach this quest: 1. treat it as if it were a job interview, research the person, ask questions, keep meeting people in a safe manner and dont settle. 2 believe that you will know when the right person comes along, so keep yourself out there, keep looking. 3. if it is meant to be then it will find you, be open and willing to see whats out there. and so on.

Good luck and thanks for bringing this up i needed it.

Roe


So

< Message edited by theroebabe -- 8/18/2004 5:19:25 AM >

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to sublizzy)
Profile   Post #: 20
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