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lovingpet -> RE: First Experience (4/19/2009 7:09:23 PM)
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There seems to be a lot of potential things going on here. So far, there is not remotely enough here to give any kind of particularly precise answer, but I will go through what all popped in my head.
How long had you known this dominant and how is it you came to decide that this was the person you wanted that first experience from? It kind of sounds like a "he'll do" situation from your post. If there was no more excitement or chemistry than that, then it is no wonder everything fell flat. It also means trust had not been well established and that he had not taken the time to know how to work with you properly. He has to know what buttons to push and which to avoid to be able to make a session its best. It sounds like there was little of this on either side.
Now how about this pain play issue? Is it possible that if he had sufficient mental and emotional control of you that it would have been more interesting? It seems that if a battle of the wills has ensued, then dominance has not really been much achieved or, and I say this based on how I am, there is a switchiness that has not yet been embraced. Even so, I may rise up and try to do battle with my partner, but those that I play with can swiftly dispatch the issue and I am at their whim once again. Pain play, to me, is just silly when it is contrived and not within some kind of context. Why on earth would you let someone hurt you like that when there is no control or respect? Further, plenty here will assent to hating or being indifferent about pain but taking it FOR someone, because that is what their partner enjoys. If this was a partner you could feel that way for, then my guess is that suddenly pain play would take on an importance that didn't reduce you to laughter.
Yes, there is the possibility that pain play will not float your boat in the least. I think you are far from being able to scratch it off your list at this point due to the things mentioned above. If that winds up being the case, then fine. There are plenty that do D/s without pain play involved. Mental/emotional control is huge. It overrides all the rest for me. Further, in the play area there are such a wide variety of possibilities that certainly there will be a few that just light you up. Good luck on your journey and please take your time and play with those who really light your fire.
lovingpet
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