talking to your Master proper and with respect

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hallieB -> talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 7:15:47 PM)
Does anyone have any helpful advice on the proper and respectful way to carry a conversation with a Master. Is there a book or some etiquette notes somewhere on the internet that might be helpful. Anything that i could study and learn from. i am 42 years old and until 1yr. ago i never had to ask permission to speak or to speak freely. Now 1yr. later i get to comfortable sometimes and dont think about the proper way to speak. Any advice would be appreciated.

BKSir -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 7:34:09 PM)
Well, during my education and learning phases in my life, I experimented as a sub-type, and to me, whenever I referred to my Sir, or spoke with him, I took the stance that I was in front of royalty, the king, and acted and spoke accordingly. With reverence and impeccable manners at all times. That also translated into everyone else and how I interacted. I felt within myself, and teach to my sub-types now, that everything a sub says and does is a direct reflection on their dom. Not to say that I was anyone's bitch, so to speak. The only one that had any space at all to give me an order was my sir. Well, and my boss at work, this is still the real world here. However, that didn't mean I was not going to be polite and well mannered.

hallieB -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:01:38 PM)
thank you BKSir for your advice. i have noticed the things that i have learned from Master has spilt over into my everyday life. i believe i am more compasionate and understanding than i used to be. i think i am more respectful of all people and i believe i have Master to thank for that. On the subject as treating him like royality that is a very good idea but I believe if i worked as a servant in the kings castle they would behead me for my lack of knowledge. i need more of something in the way of "speaking to royality for dummies book." But you have given me a good idea this might be possible to find. Thank you again and no disrespect intended in any of my comments. hallie

Lordandmaster -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:03:40 PM)
Ask your master and follow his rules. No book you could find about this means anything. You have to follow HIS rules, not the rules of some author.

catize -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:04:45 PM)
I would think ‘polite’ would be universally understood: Don’t yell, don’t swear, don’t talk with your mouth full, speak the way you would like to be spoken to, don’t interrupt, etc. “Proper” would be defined by your dominant. Does he expect you to address him by a certain title? Does he require third person speech? Does he want you to modulate your voice? Does he have rules regarding how to express your opinion, how to ask a question? It would seem to me that he needs to let you know what is acceptable and proper.

BKSir -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:14:13 PM)
Oh, piffle, lack of knowledge is something that can easily be overcome. Brain surgeons weren't born knowing how to do it. It took time and education and work. Just as everything worthwhile does. :) I don't expect my pet to know everything, every nuance, every little detail right off the bat. Hell, I'd be scared if he did. I do expect him to learn over time though. And I expect him to say "I don't understand this, sir. Please help me." if he doesn't know something. I mean, I'm a chef, and he has limited kitchen experience (although his pork chops and gravy are delicious), if I asked him to go into the kitchen and make me a creme brulee, I don't expect him to know how to do it, but I do expect him to ask me to show him, or research it in a cookbook or online, but probably ask me, since I'll show him how I prefer it done. And I have no problem with that. In fact, to be completely honest, I love it. Guiding my pet, teaching him, nurturing him. Not to mention that cute look he gets on his face when he's learning and gets a little confused and frustrated and flings his arms around me like he needs protection from the scary food thing or whatever. It's just downright adorable. [:D]

littlewonder -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:27:05 PM)
There is no book. Do you know how to be polite and civil to people in public? To your friends and family? Coworkers? If you do then you've accomplished how to speak respectfully. If not then you may want to talk to a therapist about your social abilities since imo this is something everyone learns to do as they mature.

outlier -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:31:46 PM)
hallieB, I am in full agreement with L&M on this one. I personally love wit and banter. Being around a witty woman is a joy for me. I recently put a journal entry that talks about the sense of fun that this can add to a relationship and how difficult it is to find it in a Ds relationship. But this is altogether different than disrespect. Once again, this is a line that your master must draw. It is part of his role to read your intention as much as your words and actions. And of course the rules might be different in private between the two of you, then when others are present. You write of a powerful bond and trust in your profile. Trust him to instruct you how to make him happy. Outlier

hallieB -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:33:00 PM)
thank you Lordandmaster, sometimes i wonder why i come here for answers. The answer always seems to be the same ( ask your Master and follow His rules ) Master has been trying to get that through to me for sometime now, i guess i have a pretty thick head. i am starting to see everytime i come here and ask a question maybe i am being disrespectful in some sence by not asking Him first. i think i owe Him an apology. i only want to be better for him and i have so much to learn. Thank you once again...hallie

catize -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:37:09 PM)
There are proper ways to address a judge in court. There are proper ways to address past as well as present presidents of the United States. I didn’t have to be taught that my best course of action when pulled over for speeding is to address the nice police officer as Sir or Ma’am! I work in the medical field; some doctors are always addressed as Dr. and others are fine with being called by their first name. But none of those rules necessarily apply in individual households; it is the head of the house who determines that, I could list all the speech rules I have had to obey but that’s not gonna help the OP at all!

BKSir -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:46:08 PM)
Well, the part about 'ask your master' is about the most accurate. Sure, it may take you some time to grasp certain concepts, but at the same time, I would wager that there are some that you aren't even noticing, that you are grasping right off the bat. He hasn't booted you out yet, obviously, so he's clearly not too upset about these things, at least, not as upset as you seem to be. I know that as long as my pet is doing his best, I am pleased with him. It's been my experience that many dom-types are the same way.

hallieB -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 8:56:16 PM)
thank you littlewonder for your reply, everyone learns respect for others from the time they are little, i agree with you there. i love and respect my children, my family and friends as well as the next person. When i was raised i referred to my parents as mom and dad not Sir or Ma'am. My children call me mom. i call my friends by their first names. These are the things i am referring to. i never have to ask my best friend for permission to ask her a question or my daughter for permission to call her. i dont think that is disrespectful in any way. i dont yell at them or swear or enterupt them and i dont try and live their lives, that would be disrespectful in my eyes. Authority figures such as my boss or even a customer at my job might get a little more protocol but at the end of the day i dont really care about those people. It is just my job, no feelings or emotions behind it, it just pays the bills. But in D/s Master wants protocol he wants his title, he wants me to ask permission to do everything, i dont want this to be just my job. i want to do this for the man i love and its hard because the people in my life that mean the most to me dont require this of me and we all love and respect each other just fine. i know they would always be there for me and i will always be there for them. i know this is something i can learn to do. i just need to work at it. i never had anyone in my life that i cared so much about that i had to be so formal with.

hallieB -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 9:01:53 PM)
thank you catize, the comment about the doctors really helped. i guess its just a matter of preference. When in doubt ask Master. Thank you, i appreciate your taking time to give your advice.

kuriouswitch -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/19/2009 9:02:45 PM)
The best advice is to ask your Master, and some of it takes time too to get into a kind of routine where you're comfortable talking to him but polite as well. There are different routines and different modes of speaking for Master and I depending on what's going on. In the beginning both of us were much more formal, but over time it's relaxed into more of a routine, I've learned how to tell what he expects from me when and we've both come to learn the needs of the other. if it's been a stressful few days he may see the need to relax things a bit OR he'll call a high protocol day and get me focused back on serving him. but all of this has been worked out over months of being together, learning what was acceptable to him and learning what I was comfortable with. But things are much more relaxed now... even on high protocol days than they were in the beginning.

RavenMuse -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 3:49:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster Ask your master and follow his rules. No book you could find about this means anything. You have to follow HIS rules, not the rules of some author. That saves on typing... what LaM said... in spades!

DesFIP -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 4:47:35 AM)
I'm not big on rules that limit open and honest communication. What if the house is on fire and he refuses you permission to speak? Does he shut you down any time you are upset or angry with him? Some tops use speech rules to never hear anything they might dislike, to never hear that they've made a mistake. To never have to admit they fucked up. If this is the purpose of his rules, you should reconsider the health of the relationship.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 5:15:43 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DesFIP I'm not big on rules that limit open and honest communication. What if the house is on fire and he refuses you permission to speak? Does he shut you down any time you are upset or angry with him? Some tops use speech rules to never hear anything they might dislike, to never hear that they've made a mistake. To never have to admit they fucked up. If this is the purpose of his rules, you should reconsider the health of the relationship. agreed i enjoy speaking my mind freely, honestly and openly and so does Daddy. if i have something to share/say to Him good or bad, He doesn't stop me from saying it. speech restrictions - hard limit.

barelynangel -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 5:36:40 AM)
quote: i only want to be better for him and i have so much to learn Be careful here. Many women who become slaves always seem to decide that they need to jump in an become people they never were or become some concept of slave THEY THINK is being a slave to a Man. The problem with this is pretty simple lol ummm did you forget about the Man who is the MASTER??? Many women who become slaves want to take the ball and become Ms. Self-Improvement on their terms and understanding. You are asking about speaking TO HIM. Well logically you have to ask yourself, who is the best person to determine that? Are you sure you are listening to him? Does he give you all the information and tools you need to communicate with him in the way he enjoys, but you simply in your need to define what is correct or right -- you are actually missing the ques he is giving you and the training he is probably doing with you? Many women when they become slaves also are so eager to BECOME something that because they decide they have all these IDEAS of being the perfect slave -- they lose focus of who is the Master and the fact that he may have plans or ways of training them to reach the potential he sees in them. Let the Man do what it is he does -- you don't necessarily know what training he may be doing that you aren't really aware of, so give him the benefit of the doubt to know what he wants from you. angel

beargonewild -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 7:45:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hallieB thank you littlewonder for your reply, everyone learns respect for others from the time they are little, i agree with you there. i love and respect my children, my family and friends as well as the next person. When i was raised i referred to my parents as mom and dad not Sir or Ma'am. My children call me mom. i call my friends by their first names. These are the things i am referring to. i never have to ask my best friend for permission to ask her a question or my daughter for permission to call her. i dont think that is disrespectful in any way. i dont yell at them or swear or enterupt them and i dont try and live their lives, that would be disrespectful in my eyes. Authority figures such as my boss or even a customer at my job might get a little more protocol but at the end of the day i dont really care about those people. It is just my job, no feelings or emotions behind it, it just pays the bills. But in D/s Master wants protocol he wants his title, he wants me to ask permission to do everything, i dont want this to be just my job. i want to do this for the man i love and its hard because the people in my life that mean the most to me dont require this of me and we all love and respect each other just fine. i know they would always be there for me and i will always be there for them. i know this is something i can learn to do. i just need to work at it. i never had anyone in my life that i cared so much about that i had to be so formal with. As many had said, much of the protocol will become second nature over time. I had an owner who expected protocol to be used from the time I woke up in the morning until I went to sleep at night. Yes at first it was difficult as having to address someone as Master each time I spoke was awkward. This is an area which for many of us we have to make a conscious effort to do and in time it'll become second nature.

IrishMist -> RE: talking to your Master proper and with respect (4/20/2009 8:33:44 AM)
quote: Is there a book or some etiquette notes Yes, there is; and you can find it right in your own home. The book is written by you and your partner; with notes added and removed as needed.

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