RE: Need

RE: Need (Full Version)

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BitaTruble -> RE: Need (4/27/2009 4:27:56 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1 A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive. True or false? I don't see why it would be necessary, preferable or inevitable if each party is putting forth their best effort to help the relationship progess. I wouldn't even know how to quantify more or less in a relationship. I mean, if I think about him 5 times a day and he only thinks about me 3 times a day, does that mean I love him more and he loves me less? Maybe I'm not getting the question or something.

cpK69 -> RE: Need (4/27/2009 9:08:00 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BitaTruble Maybe I'm not getting the question or something. I have been wondering the same toward myself, from the opposite side of the discussion. I am having a hard time picturing how a relationship can work productively, if the aspects in the OP are not balanced. I had thought imbalance in those areas, are some of the more popular reasons for someone to post things like; He is not a …. She is not a ….. quote: I mean, if I think about him 5 times a day and he only thinks about me 3 times a day, does that mean I love him more and he loves me less? Are you suggesting that quantity is the equivalent of quality? Kim

NuevaVida -> RE: Need (4/27/2009 9:09:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1 A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive. True or false? The question (thesis?) is referring to a generality, and very rarely is there an absolute when speaking in generalities. Therefore, the answer has to be false. There will be some who prefer and live this dynamic, and some who do not. In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him. It worked for me for quite some time. It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future.

Interesdom -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 3:12:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him. It worked for me for quite some time. It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future. I have often observed that a master well-served by an obedient slave comes to love her, even if he did not start out doing so. Do you think that your past owner was capable of loving anyone? (Not everybody is.) Keep looking on the bright side of life!

marie2 -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 3:31:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1 A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive. True or false? None of the above. Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't. Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference.

NuevaVida -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 7:52:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Interesdom quote: ORIGINAL: NuevaVida In my past I lived that dynamic - where the owner felt it necessary to not love the slave despite the slave loving him. It worked for me for quite some time. It is not a dynamic I will seek for myself in the future. I have often observed that a master well-served by an obedient slave comes to love her, even if he did not start out doing so. Do you think that your past owner was capable of loving anyone? (Not everybody is.) Yes, he was (is) quite capable of loving. But he is enslaved to his own rules of how M/s must be, and will not allow himself such emotions for a slave. Or, if he does, he withholds them. quote: Keep looking on the bright side of life! Always! There is much to see!

lusciouslips19 -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 8:01:40 AM)
I think this dynamic is around just as one loving the other partner more is around in vanilla relationships. It just depends on the relationship. I have had both. i prefer that I am loved to the enth degree. But I always do seek a daddy Dom.

TreasureKY -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 1:28:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: HeavansKeeper ... The principle of least interest states that the party who loves more has less power. They no longer hold the ace, the "I could always leave" card. I'm not, IN ANY WAY advocating the use of relational aggression as a healthy dynamic between people, but having the ability to use (without actually using) that abusive card is an increase of power. Isn't that what D/s is about? Increasing the power of one party while lowering the power of another? I don't agree that D/s relationships are predicated on power levels. Since I have no idea how to measure power in a relationship, let alone transfer it to another, I prefer to stick with simply relinquishing authority to Firm. So, no... I don't think that D/s is about increasing the power of one party while lowering the power of another. That being said, I do agree that emotional investment in a relationship will determine the degree of vulnerability. A partner who loves more is going to be more vulnerable to being hurt by being rejected than the partner with less emotional attachment. But then again, I don't know how to measure love any more than I know how to measure power. [;)]

NorthernGent -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 2:28:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 None of the above. Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't. Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference. Marie, I think you're near the mark when you suggest that we all have to have our needs met, yet perhaps the idea that the desire for an 'environment of care' is an in-built mechanism, needs a spot of thought. You have to experience the pain to appreciate the pleasure.

IronBear -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 2:30:54 PM)
Can't you just see a couple having a dispute: HE: I love you. SHE: I love you more HE: No I love you more! As well as telling my Lady that I love her and am in love with her, I prefer to demonstrate that love on a daily basis in our daily lives. SHE: No you don't! I LOVE YOU MORE!!!! I guess it make as much sense as arguing about football or any other incredibly idiotic subjects couples argue needlessly about doesn't it?

marie2 -> RE: Need (4/28/2009 3:13:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NorthernGent quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 None of the above. Further, I think it's an ultimately dysfunctional relationship in which only one partner needs/loves/cares, and the other doesn't. Human beings are wired to thrive in environments of care, not indifference. Marie, I think you're near the mark when you suggest that we all have to have our needs met, yet perhaps the idea that the desire for an 'environment of care' is an in-built mechanism, needs a spot of thought. You have to experience the pain to appreciate the pleasure. I can't tell if you're kidding. (I hate when that happens) But assuming you're being on the up and up here...Sure you can make little quippy general statements like that that might apply in a certain context. But in the bigger picture, don't you think we all need something positive in order to thrive? Care, nurturing, love, praise, whathaveyou ? I can't see a person doing well, thriving, growing, being productive etc, under the absence of care. I mean, maybe it happens. I guess what I mean to say is that I've never seen it.

NorthernGent -> RE: Need (4/30/2009 2:36:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 I can't tell if you're kidding. (I hate when that happens) It doesn't get any better face to face.....you don't get the signals that you get in other countries...... quote: ORIGINAL: marie2 But in the bigger picture, don't you think we all need something positive in order to thrive? Care, nurturing, love, praise, whathaveyou ? I can't see a person doing well, thriving, growing, being productive etc, under the absence of care. I mean, maybe it happens. I guess what I mean to say is that I've never seen it. I agree, we all need something positive. But, there are other activating factors; fear and pride generate productivity. In a reasonable world you'd be spot on, but what about instinct? Perhaps there's the case of the way we'd like the world to be, and the world in which we live.

OmegaG -> RE: Need (4/30/2009 4:14:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MasterDoc1 A thesis for discussion: in a D/S relationship it is necessary/preferable/inevitable (pick which) that the submissive need/love/care more for the dominant than the dominant for the submissive. True or false? Nothing is absolute, for every thesis you produce there will be an exception to the rule, therefore the premise must be false.

DavanKael -> RE: Need (4/30/2009 9:04:25 PM)
I think it's a false statement, at least from my perspective. And, I think that NZ did a great job of elucidating points relevant. Davan

heartcream -> RE: Need (4/30/2009 9:14:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero I don't think anyone interested in such a dynamic would prefer a situation where the Dominant cares more than the submissive. Being someone with a huge capacity to care, it would be amazing to meet a man with even more capacity. Whoa I would totally love that.

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