RE: cyber matter (Full Version)

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Viridana -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 4:49:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
.but i love playing 'silly' cyber games i don't think i want to do without...


Well if that's the case, you could (and should) have told yourself you'd end up in a high schoolish scenario like this.



subtlebutterfly -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 4:55:23 PM)

nownow she's a baby she couldn't have known any better[;)]



BossyShoeBitch -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 5:00:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

From my point of view the time line here was 17 days before she read the email she received from him 9 days earlier.

For me it would depend on how long I knew the person but if it was cyber only and I went 17 days without speaking to someone I was "involved" with, they would be completely forgotten.
I seriously would not be able to recall that I had been involved with this person.



yes, but if she'd hung in there she would have heard from him in 9 days - or do you mean from his perspective - from his perspective then yes, i see what you mean, after 17 days id have unplugged the computer and found something fun to do.


Yeah, if she had hung in there one more day....  I don't agree.  She stated clearly she was obsessing over the whole matter and staying off of CM was her way of coping with it.  He didn't give her any instructions on how often to check, or even where to check.  In my opinion he didn't think this through and left her flailing in the wind.  He could have called her on the telephone or even sent an email to her regular email account.  For that matter, maybe he could have gone that extra inch and  licked a stamp.  She would have gotten snail mail a a whole lot faster!

I think the whole thing was a big giant miscommunication and mess.



LovingMistress45 -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 5:50:30 PM)

A lot of people look down on cyber relationships as not real.  While it is nothing that I would pursue now, there was a time where I had an online only relationship with a sub. We never met in person, we did talk on the phone, chat in ICQ and mail each other things through the mail.  I still have his birthday gift to me a book of writting by women on womanhood called Godesses.  Our relationship last for over a year and was very real no matter what anyone might think.  It ended when he found the one he wanted to be his Mistress in r/t and I was very happy he found that.  We remained in touch periodically for quite a while but lost touch over the years.

I provided the background so that you would know that I do understand exactly how real the emotions are in this kind of relationship.  That said as a dominant I would never have asked someone to go for an extended period of time with no contact for no reason.  I don't that is a reasonable request.  I totally understand your stopping checking the email because of the obession and I think it is totally reasonable.  The very fact that you ask how long you should wait I think is your answer that is time to move on.  If I had given this task to a sub (as stated previously I would not have) and the sub stopped coming on and checking after a week (and I would know as cm logs your last online) and I was for some reason upset about this (because I am self-centered?) then I would contact the sub and let them know how I felt rather than act like a child and ignore them.

My personal belief is that when you did not log on one day he decided to send the message.  It sounds like an immature game to me and it seems to disregard your very real feelings.  As far as his dom ego being hurt because it took you 9 days to get his message - grow the hell up and get over it.

Those are of course my opinions and no one else has to agree with them.



WyldHrt -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 6:04:52 PM)

quote:

I think the whole thing was a big giant miscommunication and mess.

Sorry Lally, I've got to go with BSB on this one.
For me, the heart of any LDR (including online) is communication. "Lessons" that involve breaking that communication for very long are bound to end badly in any case, and making the time undetermined just makes it worse by leaving the "student" twisting in the wind. How can you "teach" someone anything if they are forbidden from contacting you while they are struggling?
So now we have what appears to be the Dom punishing the submissive by ignoring her, when lack of communication appears to have been the issue in the first place.
Not a very stellar plan IMO. 



xxblushesxx -> RE: cyber matter (4/20/2009 11:05:33 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LovingMistress45


My personal belief is that when you did not log on one day he decided to send the message. 


This thought had crossed my mind as well.



Whenready -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 2:36:51 AM)

I hesitate to take "sides", expecially as not all the information on the initial discussion between you is available (nor should be in all probability). Overall however I'm tend to go with Intonguesslave. It IS a waiting task. I don't know if its your first of this nature: if so, then I would say that I would have made it a shorter wait. An escape clause might also have been useful even if only "Sorry Sir I can't do it".  However, limits were set, so stick with it.At the end talk to Him and make sure that you both understand what happened, what didnt happen, and why. Good luck!



ranja -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 2:49:53 AM)

Thank you everybody for your most lovely imput, I like to shed some light on my view of the beautiful game...
 
Cyber; what is it and how is it done?
 
For me cyber is a quite sexual mind trip achieved by using a computer.
 
Some people use a phone or mic and camera as well…
I don’t because I am not allowed and besides I don’t like breathing in my ear and would run out of things to say on the phone which I would find awkward and I would feel too self conscious in front of a camera which would make for a bad show…I would not enjoy the reality of it… while actually the idea of camming quite excites me. The idea of very many things quite excite me …sssh, things that are illegal even…
 
A cyber session can be short and take place in real time; you can use a chat program. You can fish for a new contact, meet a regular partner or do a session with your long term one and only.
You will be typing sentences to each other (additionally using mic and/or cam)
I used to do this with my best friend at school using pen and paper before I had ever heard of computers…the exchange then was without sexual content though.
 
I prefer someone with a good command of English although I am not hung up on perfect spelling and grammar…especially not when things get hot. Also a half decent typing speed is a bonus…and of course an intriguing mind.
You can let the story go absolutely anywhere…if you are on the same wavelength with your partner it can be absolutely amazing.
And totally decease free unless you pick up a computer virus.
It is not without risk though…some people can get into your mind silly as it sounds.
 
Cyber can also be long term…maybe eventually leading to real life…This is not an option for me and I make this clear from the start, I remain anonymous.
To me it is like having a pen pal but the letters have sexual content (some people might consider it wank fodder)…I like journaling, feed back on tasks, exploring fantasies, maybe sending certain pictures. I like to receive inspiration.
 
…this is also why I was somewhat iffy about the ‘no contact task’. I mean contact is what the whole thing thrives on, so to impose restrictions as a way of play seems very strange to me…so does His silence now…Time off to concentrate on other things; real life or even other cyber contacts is one thing…Not picking up messages is also acceptable, I mean I don’t know what goes on in other peoples real life... computers sometime crash…But picking up messages and ignoring the sender, ah…it is rude and it kills it…
I have scrutinized His profile again though and now think this might actually be exactly what He gets off on…so I hope he reads the boards (as I shall not point out my thread to Him unless He asks me and that seems unlikely)  It seems to me He would quite enjoy my squirming here…
 
This site is perfect for cyber as you can monitor time and dates of sent and read e-mail, you can also see when someone has last been on the site…There are moderators here you can complain to if things get out of hand…and there are these lovely boards where you can hang your laundry or do research or what ever…like we all do here…this is cyber space.
 
Some people like to play with many people at the same time…I personally don’t. I would get confused as to what storyline I’m following and I generally don’t have the time to spend. I do not necessarily expect to be the other persons only contact though…But if He spreads Himself too thin obviously our story will start lacking depth and I will get bored with it.
 
Some people think that cyber is not real, but other people think it is so real that they divorce the ‘dirty bugger’ that does it. Some people just don’t ‘get’ it…and some people can’t write or read let alone between the lines.
 
I personally love it…I love writing with someone and when done at its best it feels like riding someone elses cum…a buzz in the brain…
For me it honestly is mind blowing at times
 
I accept it is not for everybody but I hope I have shed some light on it for the curious amongst you…at least as to what it means to me…
 
Have fun everybody…you are in cyber space…open your mind…
 
 



ranja -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 3:14:18 AM)

Lally (is that ok?) i quote: just to say here though, responsibility for the relationships we enter into is our end of the bargain.  its a little tiresome to then turn around and accuse a man of spending time with his wife when the wife is the woman in his real time life after all and should be his first priority, especially over a public holiday when family may well be part of the mix.  entering into such a liason means you have accepted that fact, if you cannot accept the fact you shouldnt enter into it.

I am absolutely fine with Him spending time with His wife...I very much hope she is His first priority as she should be, and i was under the impression that His wife knew of His computer 'games' but i might be wrong there...
My Husband is entirely in the picture and would not hesitate to pull the plug on my computer should He see fit.



LadyPact -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 3:46:19 AM)

Call Me cynical, but I'm thinking it had little to do with your patience or his.  I think Des hit the nail on the head when suggesting there was a problem at home with the wife about the amount of time going into the computer and he needed to cut it a break for a while.  One spouse being in the know about this doesn't necessarily mean the other one does.  Which leads Me to My next thought on this:

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja
I am absolutely fine with Him spending time with His wife...I very much hope she is His first priority as she should be, and i was under the impression that His wife knew of His computer 'games' but i might be wrong there...
My Husband is entirely in the picture and would not hesitate to pull the plug on my computer should He see fit.


I think this writing, coupled with the post that you wrote about the joys of cyber, actually leaves the impression of double talk.  For all of the positives that you wrote about concerning a cyber relationship, I think you're skipping a link that should be made.  If you are creating a type of intimacy with this person, it's My personal opinion that his wife has just as much right to know about it as your husband.

I said something to the tune of this last week.  Physical fucking is not necessarily required for a person to be considered cheating.  If that's how his wife sees it, too, and hasn't consented to these little cyber games up front, I see big problems in the future. 

I do commend you for being honest with your husband about what you are doing.  However, I'd like you to imagine that you weren't and your husband found your correspondences later.  How do you think that would go over?  That may very well be the position of the other person's wife in this situation.  Just My thoughts on the matter.


Edited because a question really does deserve a question mark.




ranja -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 4:14:55 AM)

Thank you LadyPact
Of course she has a right to know about it...it is His responsibility to have His own house inorder though, not mine.
And  i can see how He would not like (or god forbit even be allowed) to drop me a line like...sorry dear I have to go, my wife has found out...

I was not always honest about it...i had to come clean though because i like it so much and there is things that overlap in real life...I hate lieing and besides i love my Husband too much to wander off into cyber space to never be seen in real life again...it adds to us rather than fills a short coming or it being a privately owned secret.
But i do understand that many Domly types here are actually dirty little cheaters...who get off on a bit of wank fodder with cyber subbies like me...it is a depraved place...

I do not know what His reason is as He is not contacting me...i have not seen Him reading the boards either. I suspect His own task has backfired indeed as mentioned by others and He was the one that ended up waiting...and boohoo He did not like it...
I shall steer clear for a while again...think on it some more and prepare for a new dive.
Thank you all



barelynangel -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 4:27:52 AM)

Something however is really confusing me -- do you honestly think you are spoiled because your Master offline doesn't fulfill your needs so you have to seek things in the figmented imagination of having a "Master" online to fulfill yourself? You aren't spoiled if this is the case. You are unfulfilled in your offline with a Man you call Master. Most slaves are fulfilled in their offline that rarely do they even have time for online activities much less a "relationship" with some other guy.

It sounds to me like you can really take or leave this online rock my imagination dude you claim is your lord and master online, there are very few if any women who are slaves to Men who are so cavalery towards the Man they call Master and the relationship. Perhaps instead of wasting your time online, it would be better applied to the Man you claim is your actual Master offline whom i am guessing you live with? I mean seriously, look at all the energy, time, and emotion you are wasting on a figment of your imagination - imagine if all of that was applied to the real life flesh and blood Man you have right at home you claim is also your Master?

Its all about priority, if your priority is wasting your time trying to find some guy to give you a mindfuck online and you state you have an offline M/s relationship -- i would say its time to have a nice long talk with the Man in your life who can actually achieve a life with you instead of a figment of your imagination and games online.


angel



sambamanslilgirl -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 4:52:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

Sambamanslilgirl, thanks for that...we live and learn, i'm not walking yet...i will wait a bit longer but i think the damage is done


wait a bit longer for what?

*shakes head*

such a silly child - waiting longer is not going to make things any better

enjoy playing your games



Knite064 -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 7:37:58 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: Knite064

I would view this no differently than if it were a person i knew in my day to day life.(for me personally an online relationship would have to be treated the same as offline to hold any credibility)
If  you assume that the online relationship is going to work true to how you are offline then are you comfortable with the idea that potentially you have now lived in the same house as your dom for over two weeks and he has nt said a single word to you because hes peeved at you?
Would you seriously sit in your lounge and think to yourself"ok  ill live with this guy for three weeks more and if he does nt speak to me then thats it?
We all spit the dummy(pacifier) out on occasion but for a day or two tops, not for weeks on end!

Strikes me that he set you up on a waiting game and it kinda backfired because he was the one that ended up waiting....ce la vie.





i see it as him trying to give her a lesson in patience - something she clearly lacks in spades and therefore relevant to their relationship.   he told her it was a lesson in patience.  he wished for her to wear something symbolic to help her through it and he gave her a time line.

it wasnt about him being peeved atall.  it was an agreed upon thing between them.

what i see is that she failed to monitor her email for 10 days after only 7 days of waiting.  so she failed on the patience thing right there.  she waits only 5 days to hear back from him (after sending her belated response) and gets pissy.  and yet he is apparently reading her mails, he is still there, he is clearly making her wait and yet again she fails on the patience exercise and really hasnt learnt a single thing atall and rejects the truth when she asks for it.

add to that the fact that she gets snarky about his wife and frankly i dont know why he bothers.





I do see where your coming from but to me it comes back down to both showing mutual respect to the relationship, albeit an online one(and frankly i think thats the crux of the matter right there as my impression of the op is that yes she enjoys her online relationship but she does seem reasonably grounded in respect of it being just that,an online relationship and skimming the surface shows it may not be anything more than a bit of superficial fun to her.(which as others point out is perfectly fine if the rules are layed out)

In truth i thought online only relationships went out when MSN chat did years ago[8|] but you live and learn i guess. 

be well



wisdomofgiving -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 8:56:11 AM)

I might be totally off the mark here. From reading the OP posts and her description of cyber relationships, I kind of feel that bringing this 'cyber matter' to question is just part of a fantasy and a game. I have never had a cyber relationship, nor do i knock it for others. From what I gather though it is no sweat to you if he emails you or not. It seems to me that you like drama and it is what you are feeding off of, even from other's responses to you. I probably am not getting it, which is fine. I just see all this as fantasy and drama and you enjoying it. If that holds some truth, so be it. I guess it's another type of kink, and who am I to knock it.



TaoWoman -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 10:46:06 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: wisdomofgiving

It seems to me that you like drama and it is what you are feeding off of, even from other's responses to you.


Makes perfect sense [:)]




Antheia -> RE: cyber matter (4/21/2009 8:30:45 PM)

quote:

.but i love playing 'silly' cyber games i don't think i want to do without...

_____________________________________________________

Silly cyber games are ok as long as you both know they are games. But I have seen to many hurt, on both sides of the whip, by someone playing silly cyber games. Myself I grew out of those kind of things a long long time ago. Life is to short to just go through it playing games. There is just to much good stuff to experience to waste your time ;)
A




Rubberdime -> RE: cyber matter (4/22/2009 12:41:18 AM)

I have a friend who had a similar issue. Her top would dissapear days, weeks, months on end. She finally broke it off, but there is now deep emotional pains and uncertainty. I say, let him know that this isn't working, and if he doesn't care then break it off. Hurting yourself to a "cyber dom" is not worth it, imo anyway. Good luck.



ranja -> RE: cyber matter (4/22/2009 2:44:30 AM)

barelynangle thank you for your reply...Was reading your message a waste of my time? are you a figment of my imagination? should you have spend your time so carefully typing and editting your message to me better? and on a 'real' person instead?

Some things i said in my comments are tongue in cheek some are serious...i do not expect everybody to have my sense of humor...i understand things can be misread.

Wisdomofgiving...yes, but it would have been nice if we could have continued the contact as previous to this things were moving rather lovely.

I should point out by the way that i do not spend my life behind the key board...this is indeed a thing on the side...like maybe other people watch telly or read a magazine or go on the sunbed or having their nails done or shopping or...well don't we all 'waste' time on things?

Antheia...yes indeed this is why i put 'silly' between these' ' things but not everyone reads it like that. Also i personally hope i never get too old for games...

Rubberdime...indeed I think there is no rescuing the story, as i have not much respect for a sulking Dom and that is how He comes across to me...still Lally might be right and He is teaching me patience and i am failing miserably...

sambamanslilgirl....oh but time heals don't cha know...

Thank you Knite, cyber is alive and well...it is a reality haha




barelynangel -> RE: cyber matter (4/22/2009 5:23:45 AM)

quote:

barelynangle thank you for your reply...Was reading your message a waste of my time? are you a figment of my imagination? should you have spend your time so carefully typing and editting your message to me better? and on a 'real' person instead?


Actually yes i am a figment of your imagination, you don't know me. All you know is i am someone who is able to type on a message board lol. IF and i hope you don't waste your time doing so, you create a character of me if you choose to expend time on me and you fill in that character with your imagination because you don't know me so you have to guess and imagine based on my words things you will never know. Also, do not believe because i spend a few moments typing on a message board that i somehow care about you as a person or even a figment of imagination lol or want to better you -- i think that's why you are having issue with this "Master" online, you mistaken his and your own interest as some how vested in each other as caring or a connection - yet what you have posted shows you have no vested interest in him or the concept he is your "Master".
As i said, turn this energy to your actual life, and you may find you don't NEED a nickname online to allow your imagination to fulfill some need.

Umm actually my messages don't take all that time to type or edit, and you are no one to me, so my motive isn't to better you or change you. Its simply offer thoughts on a discussion board based on what nicknames i don't know who pretty much are figments of my imagination because i have neve met them. You seem to be misinterpreting the concept of a message board online versus an actual relationship. To me, you are nothing but a nickname who has offered a topic for discussion. I addressed that. That is what you aren't getting. It makes no difference to me what you end up doing. I believe ANYONE should expend energy on their actual life, not try and create a figmented imagination (yeah you use your imagination to fill in the parts you can't know because you don't know the person) relationship online.

So to answer your questions -- Only you can determine if reading A note the concept A message on a messageboard is or is not a waste of your time. I am sure you do this concept when you read a book or article or check out a website also. Yes, i am a figment of your imagination or should be, as you don't know me so don't become misguided in believing you as a person is what i am concentrating on -- i am not. -- all you know is you are reading the text of typing a nickname of barelynangel wrote. I spend my spare time doing many things including writing things in respond to people's thoughts i don't know and never will on a message board because i enjoy discussing topics with people. I don't worry for fret over the nicknames i encounter online, i don't get freaked out if people reading my posts don't respond to it lol, and i would never post that someone isn't responding to my posts and if i should keep posting or attempting to maintain contact. All in all, a discussion board is like my having a conversation with someone in line at a grocery store about say an incident that occured. Its not a relationship.

angel



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