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a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 4:33:29 AM

hunnibunni09

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Joined: 4/19/2009
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i was a virgin before i met my current Master , but before i met him when i first joined this site i rember seeking to a certain prospective dominant and dropped in into conversation casually, the reply i got was along the lines of tellinbg me you cannot be into bdsm while being a virgin or cannt make a proper slave too some one.

i obviously have since found this to be totally untruea as i have been owned 6months and have lost that to my Master . but does anybody else agree with this man or find what he said totally stupid?

im just wondering what other peoples opinions are on this matter both Doms and submissives

xoxox

_____________________________

every woman needs that one man that can tame her heart,body and soul xoxo

Post #: 1

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 4:54:01 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
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To some, BDSM is all about sex, to others it is not--IMHO he was all about getting you in the sack so you would be 'more suitable"-which is a line of smelly crap.

BDSM is what the two people at the moment decide it should be, if they don't agree, then as you did, move on until you find someone who does agree with your needs, desires, wants, beliefs.

And never, ever think there is a ONE TRUE WAY in BDSM, that too smells like crap.

Good Luck with your Master--

< Message edited by CatdeMedici -- 4/21/2009 5:01:41 AM >

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 2

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 4:59:20 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I think it is difficult to know exactly what you do and don't like, can and can't do if you have no practical experience. You could say you are willing to have anal sex everyday but if after trying it and discovering it is always unbearably painful, then you aren't going to be able to do it despite your beliefs beforehand.

I'm glad your situation is working for you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 3

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 5:32:15 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
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It would depend on what sort of slave you wished to be, if you could actually do so as a virgin. When I had Angel, he was a virgin and it never impacted his service to me since we did not have a sexual aspect to our relationship so it never mattered. Fox was a virgin when I met him as well, and he has been trained to be my sexual partner exactly to my interests without having to worry about the preferences of other women he may have been with before. I find it difficult to see how taking a blank slate and creating exactly what you want without the difficulties of untraining unwanted behavior could possibly make someone a worse slave.

What I do think is that CatdeMedici was spot on. The one you were talking to originally wanted you sexually and though guilt might be the way to go. After all, why tell someone they are a bad slave if you arent hoping they will beg you to help make them a better one. Its a fairly common atempt that must actually work some of the time or they wouldnt continue using it.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 4

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 5:32:54 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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Firstly, whoever stated that a virgin catagoricaly can't be a slave was talking out of their deriere. Everyone started somewhere and We where ALL virgins once.

However I presonaly would be hesitant to take one on, just as I would be hesitant to take on someone who lacked real experience of other aspects of this lifestyle. There is a big difference between theory and practice. The girl may well be sure she wants and will thrive under certain conditions but right at the start what reason do I have to trust in her and put the time and effort into bringing her along when there is a large risk that she will find the reality to be quite different. Hence I preffer a girl to have some experience in all the major aspects of this lifestyle so she is speaking from experience rather than in theory, not just regarding sex, not just BDSM play and not just the important bit of having lived day to day inside a working Dynamic, but ALL of it. It is a matter of truely knowing herself, how can she really give Me what she doesn't KNOW and she can only really know through experience.

Though base line, she might turn out to be quite right IF the right Master takes that risk. But it IS a risk and the more elements she is a virgin on the bigger that risk and the less likely I would be to take it.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 5

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 5:46:11 AM

hunnibunni09

Posts: 16
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

Thank you Sir for your reply
but how does beinga sexual virgin have anything to do with your personality or who you are even when i was virgin i always a submissive person in evrey aspect of my life . it never interfered with the fact that i was submissive and willing to please, even after Master took me on we didnt have sex straight away it did not mean i wasnt submissive to him or couldnt obey him i always managed to without to much effort

xoxox

_____________________________

every woman needs that one man that can tame her heart,body and soul xoxo

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 6

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:21:14 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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Sweetie, having a lovely personality isn't enough. I know many lovely lassies, some are indeed slaves, some are submissives and couldn't live 24/7 under the kind of Dynamic I run. Others are switch or Dommes or even... shock horror... vanilla. Vanillas can enjoy pleasing too but they couldn't live with the level of control in a Dom/sub relationship let alone a Master/slave one.

It is the difference between Belief and Knowledge. The girl maybe BELIEVE she is suited but unless she has experienced it then it is theory, she doesn't KNOW and there is nothing for Me to believe in. It doesn't matter if she is 100% certain, if *I* am to take her on I must have reason to believe in her too.... else why take the risk of wasting My time? There are too many out there who are enamored of the lifestyle but simply can't cope with it 24/7... too many who start down the path and find a little way in that they can't handle it, which is a blow when you've spent time and effort and even started to care for them. It isn't enough for the girl to believe... the Master needs reason to believe in them too.

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 7

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:26:16 AM

DarkSteven

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Joined: 5/2/2008
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Whenever you hear the words; "you cannot be a TWUE sub, slave, Dom, Domme, Master, Mistress (pick one) unless you (fill in the blank with some random activity or accomplishment)," you have just learned a valuable lesson about the idiot who's speaking.

The fact that you were a virgin speaks to what you were BEFORE you met your Master. That has no bearing whatsoever on your relationship with him.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 8

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:36:15 AM

Interesdom

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From: England
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In days gone by (I'm thinking of the Turkish Empire, the Bible and some African traditions) only virgins would become slaves (captured enemy non-virgins usually being slaughtered). Of course, that was non-consensual slavery and rape but it does say something about the ability to make a slave out of a virgin. With consensual slavery, what can be important for a prospective owner is to know that the effort they are about to commit to is going to be worthwhile: that the girl isn't going to run away just because she finds she can't cope with something. Clearly, if the girl has experienced, and been fulfilled by, everything the new owner is going to want of her, there can be few problems in this area. A virgin is less able to be sure of being sexually fulfilled by the owner's desires, though if she is mentally prepared to be fulfilling regardless of her own enjoyment, that can be enough.

In short, I would personally have reservations (even more than I usually do) about the ability to be fulfilled and internally enslaved but would not consider there to be an impossibility.

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 9

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:43:26 AM

favesclava

Posts: 1608
Joined: 2/15/2007
Status: offline

although i wasnt a sexual virgin when i met Him, i was a bdsm virgin. absolutely no idea what it was . i thought it was just kinky sex. He molded me to His desires wants and needs. i was a top before. by somes definitions i wouldnt have been a twue slave. yet i have surpassed all His expectations. when you find a Dominant that sees your true worth, what you were doesnt matter.

< Message edited by favesclava -- 4/21/2009 6:45:30 AM >

_____________________________

weird is relative not an absolute term. Baron Frank N. Furter
Resident jingly dancing girl
The Pookie Of Darkness
Okay? Ready? Fine .Here's my hand. We are going now. I know the way. All you have to do is hold on tight ... and believe.SK

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 10

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:52:35 AM

subangi

Posts: 544
Joined: 5/11/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

It is the difference between Belief and Knowledge. The girl maybe BELIEVE she is suited but unless she has experienced it then it is theory, she doesn't KNOW and there is nothing for Me to believe in. It doesn't matter if she is 100% certain, if *I* am to take her on I must have reason to believe in her too.... else why take the risk of wasting My time? There are too many out there who are enamored of the lifestyle but simply can't cope with it 24/7... too many who start down the path and find a little way in that they can't handle it, which is a blow when you've spent time and effort and even started to care for them. It isn't enough for the girl to believe... the Master needs reason to believe in them too.

I like what you wrote. So many have a "vision", but the reality is that it is congruent to a vanilla relationship.....every relationship has its own dynamic and what you do for and with one person, may not be the same as another. And, one textbook picture of a D/s relationship differs from another. You may have the same picture puzzle, but the pieces may be of different shapes.

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 11

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 6:55:44 AM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hunnibunni09

i was a virgin before i met my current Master , but before i met him when i first joined this site i rember seeking to a certain prospective dominant and dropped in into conversation casually, the reply i got was along the lines of tellinbg me you cannot be into bdsm while being a virgin or cannt make a proper slave too some one.

i obviously have since found this to be totally untruea as i have been owned 6months and have lost that to my Master . but does anybody else agree with this man or find what he said totally stupid?

im just wondering what other peoples opinions are on this matter both Doms and submissives

xoxox

I'm a virgin slave to Master. that'll be changing soon, but for me my virginity is closely related to my submission, sounds strange but it's true. Its not something i would "give" to just anyone. There are tons of ways to serve, not all of them sexual in nature. Master has spent the last six months we've been together training and helping me progress in my submission in other areas first.

I've been told myself by prospective Doms before i met Master that being a virgin meant I couldn't possibly be a submissive or slave, and one even told me my assignment was to go out and find someone vanilla to have sex with and then come back and he'd decide if he'd take me on.

Master knows that what i think i'll enjoy might be different in real, also what i say i'm not interested in now might change with experience. We'll be taking it slow and adding stuff over time to see what i really do like and what i don't, i'm open to trying new things and he's open to being patient with me and my fears and worries

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 12

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 7:11:19 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kuriouswitch

Master knows that what i think i'll enjoy might be different in real, also what i say i'm not interested in now might change with experience. We'll be taking it slow and adding stuff over time to see what i really do like and what i don't, i'm open to trying new things and he's open to being patient with me and my fears and worries

Quite but He knows He is taking a risk, One I am sure He has taken the time and effort to find reason for taking. Sometimes the chemisty is worth the risk... I am not the only one to have stated We would be hesitant... but I don't see anyone here saying that they universaly wouldn't take the chance IF they believed it worth taking.... without experience it is just more difficult to find someone who will believe.

Good luck for both you and your Master

< Message edited by RavenMuse -- 4/21/2009 7:12:23 AM >

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to kuriouswitch)

Post #: 13

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 7:23:00 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

Of course you can be a virgin and a slave. It depends on the dynamic you have entered into.

If you are a virgin when you meet a dominant and you profess the desire to remain a virgin while learning all you can about the various aspects of submission/slavery and the non-sexual aspects of BDSM play and that dominant agrees with you and begins to "train" you to his/her ways and succeeds AND you succeed by discovering the depths of the non-sexual aspect of your submission and embrace it, then you have become a submissive/slave and have remained a virgin. Whether or not that continues is up to you and the dominant you are with.

For myself, I find that at this age I have absolutely zilch interest in a virgin. In point of fact, I had little interest even back in my younger days when it seemed that many of my friends all wanted that "heady" experience of "popping her cherry". The couple of times I did so, I found it to be more troublesome than what my younger, more...selfish?...self found in girls who'd already "been there and done that". My D/s dynamics have, for the most part, included BDSM play. For me, it is rare that BDSM play does not involve aspects of the submissive's and my own sexuality, which eventually moves to intercourse. I like it like that

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 14

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 7:32:44 AM

hunnibunni09

Posts: 16
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

well in my opinion that guy that said that to me is an idiot back then i was new and was very insulted and in away belived what he had said to be true. but does that mean that even in a vanilla relationship no one will date virgin cause heaven forbide she may not know what shes doing! it was a rediciulous thing for himto say as BDSM relationship is more mental than physical to begin with anyway,

I have also proved this man wrong i wentt on to meet a wondeful Master who i have given my self to sexually and spiritually we've been Master/slave for 6months now with the last 5 being 24/7 i guess it just takes a strong willing Master to make a good slave:)

xoxoxox

_____________________________

every woman needs that one man that can tame her heart,body and soul xoxo

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 15

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 7:37:28 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
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To you it may be, to every one else it might not be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hunnibunni09

as BDSM relationship is more mental than physical to begin with anyway,

xoxoxox

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 16

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 7:51:43 AM

RavenMuse

Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
To you it may be, to every one else it might not be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hunnibunni09
as BDSM relationship is more mental than physical to begin with anyway,

Yep, that could be (hopefully) misinterpreted as just fantasy B/s within a vanilla relationship. For Me it is BOTH, sure the headspace is important however if I give My girl an order she better damn well do more than just THINK about doing it else I'll get rather physical all over her ass

_____________________________

This above all: to thine own self be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.

Owner of metalmiss

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Post #: 17

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 8:16:54 AM

YourhandMyAss

Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline

Raven and if my dom didn't beat spank me regularly but just talked about it I know I'd go batty pretty darned quickly lol.

quote:

ully) misinterpreted as just fantasy B/s within a vanilla relationship. For Me it is BOTH, sure the headspace is important however if I give My girl an order she better damn well do more than just THINK about doing it else I'll get rather physical all over her ass

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss
To you it may be, to every one else it might not be.

quote:

ORIGINAL: hunnibunni09
as BDSM relationship is more mental than physical to begin with anyway,

Yep, that could be (hopefully) misinterpreted as just fantasy B/s within a vanilla relationship. For Me it is BOTH, sure the headspace is important however if I give My girl an order she better damn well do more than just THINK about doing it else I'll get rather physical all over her ass

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 18

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 12:17:50 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: hunnibunni09

well in my opinion that guy that said that to me is an idiot back then i was new and was very insulted and in away belived what he had said to be true. but does that mean that even in a vanilla relationship no one will date virgin cause heaven forbide she may not know what shes doing! it was a rediciulous thing for himto say as BDSM relationship is more mental than physical to begin with anyway,

I have also proved this man wrong i wentt on to meet a wondeful Master who i have given my self to sexually and spiritually we've been Master/slave for 6months now with the last 5 being 24/7 i guess it just takes a strong willing Master to make a good slave:)

xoxoxox

You're right...he was an idiot if for only not being able to figure out something a little more complex than he was used to.

In your world...and your dynamic...BDSM may well be more mental than physical. However, in my world and in many others'...in general terms, D/s is the mental portion and BDSM is the physical portion. They can be intertwined but they do not have to be. D/s can involve sexuality at a mental or a physical level and BDSM can involve sexual play...or not. D/s can involve the physical in terms of punishment...or not. BDSM can involve a mental, adjoining path to the physical path that the dominant and submissive are following...or not.

(in reply to hunnibunni09)

Post #: 19

RE: a virgin slave? - 4/21/2009 2:01:58 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Most people want to know there is basic compatibility. If you had zero sexual and bdsm experience, and his favorite things were forced orgasms and bondage you would soon discover you had major problems if it turned out you freaked out when in restraints and were not able to orgasm.

I'm glad things have worked out for you.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 20

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