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InTonguesslave -> RE: Culpability (4/22/2009 9:04:28 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: agirl
quote:
ORIGINAL: InTonguesslave
a Master leads a slave follows - even when it is something she isnt liking all that much. if at the end of it all she decides its way too much and doing her more harm than good she should leave, but whose culpable. the Master for pushing his slave to that decision or the slave for agreeing to try it against her better judgement.
both i would imagine but it would perhaps be harder for a slave to see her culpability when all that she was doing was following her Master and trusting in his judgement over all matters concerning her health and happyness.
a dichotomy exists where on one hand a slave might feel deep down that something does not feel right to her, but her dedication to her Master pushes her on. i think that at that moment she must take responsibility for her decision to continue, for her own well being and self worth. if it goes tits up then she can accept her part in it. if she doesnt the liklihood is that she will blame her Master for making the wrong decision, lay culpability entirely at his door and feel profoundly miserable.
A Master leads, yes.......but he needs to know what the hell he's leading. And SHE chose to be led by HIM. If she *decides it way too much* .....and he's pushing her to the point of jumping ship.........it's down to not knowing each other well enough or incompatability. That's a case of either * we need to talk more* ...or *we're not a good match*.
If something doesn't *feel right*....no matter how dedicated I might be to M, no matter how much I trust him.....it's up to ME to tell him. It's foolish to withold information and even RISK things going *tits up* out of some notion of dedication.
A lot of the time that girls do this, is not out of dedication ....but not wanting to disappoint/upset or be a bother...which I find equally foolish.
The right thing to do is to pass information.....so that correct decisions can be made. There need be no blame.
Most of the time that people post a woeful tale here....it's only one aspect that they are asking about. It doesn't automatically mean they have no sense of responsibility for their own part in other things. Sometimes we can't see the wood for the trees and it can be helpful to have someone outside of the situation to give a little nudge.
agirl
i totally agree with you on all of that. at some point the adult in the adult relationship, has to decide whether everything is in place to follow through with well placed trust or leave because the trust feels misused.
but situations arise i think, when the trust might be healthy but the request is 'wrong' for the submissive/slave in question at that time or in the future. you can talk till youre blue in the face but when push comes to shove the Master is in the driving seat and it is at that point that a slave/sub has to make up their mind.
its when they dont make up their mind but follow because in all other situations their Master has proved himself that things can get foggy and messy.
sometimes situations do arise in an Ms or Ds situation where sitting on the fence really isnt the option but ends up being the one taken. if sitting on the fence the last time worked out for them then it becomes the more attractive option to walking the next time something comes up.
im more talking about those decisions that have been discussed and the M or D has said, fine, ok, not for now, but in the future, we will discuss it again. the s'type can realise from that this thing being mooted is something that their Dominant requires from them.
we are talking investment here, of emotions and a depth of submission that isnt just chucked out of the window at the first or second hurdle. their submission is at the core of their being and the chains that hold them fast are hard to break away from partly because they are dedicated (and it is genuinely felt, not a passive feeling atall) and partly because they want to please and partly because they want more to stay with their Master than reach an empass and part company.
im not sure if thats hanging in there beyond the point of reason or compatibility or if its holding true to their beliefs that a slave will sometimes be asked to do things and accept things in exchange, in a way, for the Mastery of them that works on every other level.
but yes, the Dominant needs to know what and who he is leading and ensure that his requests are not wrong for the submissive in question. that is a huge responsiblity and one to never be taken lightly.
we have had a few posts fairly recently about limits being set up from the begining that the Dominant agreed to and then further down the track pressed for. in a sense he said to the submissive in question 'ok, i accept that' - to then renaig on that is confusing for a submissive. her refusal had been accepted at the start, she should therefore feel confident to continue refusing on those grounds. but, as we've seen, it actually doesnt pan like that - who is culpable then? the Dominant for sure, but is the submissive culpable if she sticks it out and tries it, hates it and feels hurt and used and confused, when all that she has done is what is expected of her within the remit of her 'contract', to serve, obey and please her Master.
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