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RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/24/2009 5:09:04 PM

InTonguesslut

Posts: 401
Joined: 3/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Well i'm pretty sure that with the abundance of threads recently telling people how to run their relationships and how not to it has been rammed down our throats enough for us all not to fuck up anymore

I hardly think anyone TOLD you what to do or not do, people shared their personal experiences which at times has to count for something--but then again, there are those who don't choose to listen/learn/ponder and forge their own path...

Irregardles.

Of course personal experience counts and can be learned from etc. It just feels like i have read virtual carbon copies of other threads so many times lately.

_____________________________

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 21

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/24/2009 5:13:11 PM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Irregardles.

**Off topic**

You know that isn't a word right?

regardless means without regard

Irregardless means without without regard.

Sorry, I used to say it all the time till someone asked me what I thought it meant..... it was my English Teacher in the middle of a presentation.

Just Like Fort'e (For Tay) is actually a Music Note and not something someone is really good at.. A Forte (Fort) is something that someone is especially skilled at.

**ON Topic**

YOU ROCK CatdeMedici,

Thank you for this thread it has been educational.

In MANY ways.

Steel

_____________________________

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(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 22

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/24/2009 5:34:46 PM

marie2

Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline

I think OPs like this are really hard to respond to since there seems to be many different things you are saying in extremely general terms and it's almost impossible to wrap around what conclusion you're actually trying to draw.

I was actually one of the people who said on your other thread that the rules of engagement do change....yet some of the fundamental ones do not. It might be a good idea to ask people to clarify what they mean before you dismiss everyone's thoughts as "wrong" in your next "post script" thread in which you change the whole context.

I gotta agree with Misst, when I read this OP, the first thing that came to mind is what the heck is she trying to say? Who are you saying all this for? Who are you defining it for? Are you looking for people to agree with your flat out definition of what BDSM is? Is it just food for thought and discussion? Or are you trying to send a message to someone in particular? It reads like a lecture.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 23

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 3:14:57 AM

chezzy71

Posts: 412
Joined: 4/19/2008
Status: offline

there are a select few here that know my story...i won't tell it for two reasons..one it takes too long and two i would have to expose someone that i promised not to..but i am tired of having culpability thrown in my face...and contrary to popular opinion,i don't blame the world for my ills.i can honestly say most of my life decisions have been wrong or turned out wrong.obviously,i am a bad decision maker or perhaps i don't see it through all the way or don't think of the consequences of my decisions.whatever the reason,i am the one and the only one who made it.i don't need my decision making thrown in my face at every turn including my latest forray into bad decision making.i am 56 years old..someday i'll get it right or someone will smile on me for a change..but until then i have read and heard about enough.

(in reply to marie2)

Post #: 24

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 4:29:21 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Irregardles.

**Off topic**

You know that isn't a word right?

regardless means without regard

Irregardless means without without regard.

Sorry, I used to say it all the time till someone asked me what I thought it meant..... it was my English Teacher in the middle of a presentation.

Just Like Fort'e (For Tay) is actually a Music Note and not something someone is really good at.. A Forte (Fort) is something that someone is especially skilled at.

**ON Topic**

YOU ROCK CatdeMedici,

Thank you for this thread it has been educational.

In MANY ways.

Steel

Off Topic, Steel, thanks, you know when I was typing that, I knew there was some word usage about it---should have wiki'd it--ok we now return everyone to your regular programming.

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 25

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 4:30:54 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

Well i'm pretty sure that with the abundance of threads recently telling people how to run their relationships and how not to it has been rammed down our throats enough for us all not to fuck up anymore

I hardly think anyone TOLD you what to do or not do, people shared their personal experiences which at times has to count for something--but then again, there are those who don't choose to listen/learn/ponder and forge their own path...

Irregardles.

Of course personal experience counts and can be learned from etc. It just feels like i have read virtual carbon copies of other threads so many times lately.

You are probably right, it seems we get into topic glut sometimes, but give it a few days and we will be back to complaints about spammers again

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 26

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 4:34:24 AM

InTonguesslave

Posts: 342
Joined: 2/6/2009
Status: offline

the rules of engagement are the same and yet theyre very different. i believe thats why so many people get so confused and muddled about what it is we are trying to find.

i can understand pawn. she wanted to please, she wanted to believe she could please, she wanted to be the submissive she felt she should be or could be.

ive been led down that path - not to the same degree, i do know my limitations, but a submissive can find themselves drawn down a line by someone they like alot, purely because the label submissive suggests that she should be to the one who is trying to engage her.

its a trap many submissive fall into i believe.

yes, submissives need to take responsibility for what they agree to and say they can do or want to do or try to do. they need to pull back when theyre feeling pushed and ask for time to think. they need to ask themselves honestly if the details of service really are what they want irrespective of whether the Dominant is everything they had hoped for. they need to do these things and not feel wrong for doing it or less than submissive in their desire to please and serve. but many dont.

the dominant needs to take responsibility for his approach, to recognise that one approach doesnt fit all, that we are not all wanton, slutty, fetish laden trollops to every bloke who talks to us. personally i am only wanton, slutty and fetish laden when i am in submission. the rest of the time im pretty conservative in what i put out.

its horses for courses of course, but personally speaking, rushing head long into what a submissive can and cant do in the early stages is premature. the agenda needs to be outlined but beyond that i believe levels of expectation should be comensurate with the amount of time and level of trust developed.

just because a submissive is experienced doesnt mean that she will automatically and immediately fall in behind on everything.

i do sometimes wonder if some Dominants actually have a full grasp on what it takes and means to a submissive to submit. the work, effort, energy, time, thought, emotion and trust involved.

even an experienced submissive is a newbie with a new Dominant because the methods, levels and expectations will always be different. it takes time to adjust and adapt.

_____________________________

aka lally

(in reply to chezzy71)

Post #: 27

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 4:43:57 AM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Well there you go again you say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down?
It's only right that you should play it the way you feel it
Listen carefully to the sound of the loneliness and the heartbeat drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost...
Fleetwood Mac

There's one essential ingredient to every single relationship we find ourselves in, and it's one which has hardly been mentioned in most of these threads. This essential ingredient has got nothing to do with love, with feelings, with dynamics, with whether you are dominant, submissive, switch, poly, mono, gay, straight, heterosexual, bigendered, whatever..

That essential ingredient is life, and without a life there can be no relationship. Does your relationship reflect your choices in life, that path which you take towards tomorrow? What is that relationship giving you, does it help you learn, live, and be able to greet the dawn with an open mind and enough energy to get you through the day? What is your relationship teaching you, about life, about other people, about yourself? What progress are you making in life? What are you learning? Are you learning to make the choices and the decisions which are going to take you further down that path?

Be careful of holding yourself too responsible for your choices and decisions in life. Mistakes can be costly when it comes to relationships and it is those mistakes which can often cost you far more than you realize or are in fact prepared to accept. Are you running away from something? Trying too hard to escape something, or is it more the case that sometimes you are trying to hold out for much more than is attainable given your life and your circumstances?

Life is short, very short, in fact that race against both the calendar and clock is much shorter than you think and in many cases things and opportunities start running out long before you think they should or even could. Not all those opportunities come back. Some opportunities just don't come at all. Through your 30's, 40's and perhaps your 50's you're walking an even narrower path between bitterness and failure and that of your own personal fulfillment and the reality of your dreams.

Most people come into relationships with the best of intentions and it often becomes a balancing act between the fuck ups and misunderstandings, the periods of doubt, the emotional investments and the ensuing emotional baggage and deeper issues which follow. But through all this can you really trust yourself and whoever else to be able to keep both body and soul together and give you a little bit more than a computer monitor, keyboard and mouse by way of companionship, support and intimacy?

How do your relationships reflect your choices in life? And do you have what you really need and desire to get you through life and to be able to live the way you really want to live?

_____________________________

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(in reply to InTonguesslut)

Post #: 28

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 7:06:38 AM

Roselaure

Posts: 672
Joined: 4/12/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

but then again, there are those who don't choose to listen/learn/ponder and forge their own path...

Having always been one with a tendency to forge my own path, just because one doesn't take the advice of another does not necessarily mean that they did not listen, ponder and learn from it. My dear father, of blessed memory, frustrated at my tendency to go my own way, used to say, "You ask me what I think, then you do as you goddam please."

I seek the opinions of others to get different perspectives than my own. Sometimes I follow their advice, sometime I don't. If I don't, it doesn't mean I don't respect and value their opinions and personal experience, just that I paddle my own canoe, and if I take it over a waterfall that's my responsibility too.

I'm thinking now that you post may have been a specific response about something from another thread that I haven't read so if I'm butting in, I do apologize.

_____________________________

Once conform, once do what other people do because they do it, and lethargy steals over all the finer nerves and faculties of the soul.
-Virginia Woolf

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 29

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 8:31:50 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

Not for everyone. I am not telling anyone I play with take my heart or take my mind. I am saying hey.. you can use my body for a time and if we click MAYBE more may develop. And yeah I have played rather soon when I am off a mind to do so. Trust? My body is a shell. Heck..I have probably hurt it more than the few men who have touched me.
BDSM is no different than nilla except for the way you play. Trust is going to come into play the first time you get naked in front of each other.
Kyst

quote:

ORIGINAL: Joseff
. And as we know, that first scene requires a major outlay of trust. We're not just saying "here take my heart," we're saying, "here, take my heart, body, and mind...."

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 4/25/2009 8:35:23 AM >

(in reply to Joseff)

Post #: 30

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 8:47:54 AM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici
Irregardles.

**Off topic**

You know that isn't a word right?

regardless means without regard

Irregardless means without without regard.

Sorry, I used to say it all the time till someone asked me what I thought it meant..... it was my English Teacher in the middle of a presentation.

Just Like Fort'e (For Tay) is actually a Music Note and not something someone is really good at.. A Forte (Fort) is something that someone is especially skilled at.

**ON Topic**

YOU ROCK CatdeMedici,

Thank you for this thread it has been educational.

In MANY ways.

Steel

Actually, "irregardless" and "regardless" are synonymous, although the former is considered a superfluous term since the latter is obviously more common and simpler to use/spell.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 31

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 9:43:54 AM

SteelofUtah

Posts: 5307
Joined: 10/2/2007
From: St George Utah
Status: offline

It really sucks when Websters has to accept a word because it gets used even when it is being used improperly.

Webster Defines Irregardless

They say they accept the word because it is often used, the fact that it is used improperly seems not to matter to the dictionary as it seeks to define a word not to determine it's correctness.

Steel

**Seriously I was just giving Catde a hard time I know the word gets used all the time**

_____________________________

Just Steel
Resident Therapeutic Metallurgist
The Steel Warm-Up © ™
For the Uber Posters
Thanks for the Grammatical support : ) ~ Term

(in reply to NihilusZero)

Post #: 32

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 10:18:54 AM

CatdeMedici

Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

Steel

**Seriously I was just giving Catde a hard time I know the word gets used all the time**

and I adored evey minute of it, don't get teasing too often these days!

_____________________________

I am the Cat, holder of the whip and chair.

"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to SteelofUtah)

Post #: 33

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 10:34:58 AM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

I don't feel that BDSM necessarily involves more trust or depth than vanilla relationships, it depends on the particular relationship in question. Sure, I need to talk up-front about what my interests are, and some people want to know about that even before I meet them. So far, I've never been rejected or made fun of for my interests, though sometimes the other person doesn't want to do some of the things I like. A *LOT* of people here seem to approach it as "I could never tell my partner what I want," while I've been blithely doing that all along, since I was 20 and first discovered BDSM. A lot of people say they know what they want based on what they fantasise about, and dream about, and do online, but that is about as useful to a BDSM relationship as fighting monsters in Doom or WOW is in developing combat skills in case you get mugged or want to join the military.

(in reply to CatdeMedici)

Post #: 34

RE: Relationships: A Post Script - 4/25/2009 4:15:23 PM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I get really tired when people say a bdsm relationship is different, special and so on. No it isn't. A healthy relationship is a healthy relationship. If you don't feel able to speak up, don't feel as if you are being heard, if you are being negated and belittled, it isn't because you're a sub/slave. It is because you have problems picking good partners and you picked a lemon.

And you will keep picking lemons until you deal with your own issues and learn what a healthy relationship is, and how to have it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 35

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