Where is the seat of your power?

Where is the seat of your power? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress

Message

stella41b -> Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 12:05:14 PM)
This is a question for dommes specifically, but I'm interested in hearing from responses and input from everyone... A little character development.. You're helping me to construct Tina, the domme character in my play 'Switch'. In the play she's staring down the barrel of a gun with her male slave who has been playing online games on a site and got himself involved in a female submissive. They have a property company, Paul, her slave, runs the property company - it's a backstreet affair (the play is set in London) and at home the relationship is pretty much M/s. The back story is is that Tina has a father who's a wealthy importer of classic automobile cars, limousines, so Tina is very much from a working class but that sort of background of people who have worked hard and made their money. The play in itself has very little to do with any sort of relationship dynamic being honest, but for the gun which becomes - as is often the case when it gets pulled out on stage - the fourth character in the play. This is Britain, a country where when you pull out a firearm and start pointing it at someone there are bound to be consequences. Becky, the female submissive character who is holding the gun is facing a custodial sentence. Even more so in that she has announced that 'three becomes two today'. We are working in rehearsal on the play, and it's become a mean, nasty, moody affair and a bitter fight over the feelings and intentions of a man with very little to redeem himself. Becky, the female submissive has power through the gun she's holding, and it is this power which causes the relationships between the three characters to shift and change from minute to minute. However Tina is holding out, for she knows that every minute of delay and hesitation from Becky is another minute of advantage for her, and yet more opportunity for her to seize control of the situation. It's a love triangle, but a bitter one, one which has got itself caught up in the unique class struggle of modern Britain, and my main concern as the director of the play is to avoid the sexualization and fetishization of the two women whilst subduing the role of the gun within the play so that it remains possible for either one of the two women to take full control of the situation at a given moment. This in itself throws up another question, or issue - from where does Tina's power as the domme come from? Could it be from her background, as the devoted only daughter to her father who imports luxury autiomobiles and therefore come from her family and background? Or is it from her ability to gain control at a given moment and to use that control along with her power to disarm Becky and get her to put the gun away? Or is this simply to remain part of the power and control you find in relationships between men and women? Thoughts, comments and suggestions are all appreciated..

LaTigresse -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 12:36:14 PM)
For me, it comes from within. No matter what I have faced in my life, including the wrong end of a loaded gun, there has always been that core that stays calm and powerful. It is just a knowing, knowing that whatever happens, it's going to be okay. Whatever happens, I can handle it. It almost has a physical presense but more. If it was physical it would feel more fragile. There is nothing fragile about it. It just is.

Lockit -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 12:46:48 PM)
Whoa... lol... Stella, this is a tough one! I am not sure I have ever broken things down like that. So as I read, I was thinking back on how I handled different things. Sometimes like when facing a gun, there isn't any power and you know it, but at the same time, I know how I have faced dangerous situations. If you are going to use that thing, you better kill me because I am going to take you out if you don't. There are times I don't care if there are twenty people facing off with me, I am not backing down and I am coming in knowing I can kick their ass even if I can't. I think that comes more from stubborness and refusing to be a victim than dominance but I am sure my dominant personality plays into it. Then there are the mental aspects and I do believe I can work a situation in a challenge and make things turn out right. I have failed before, but most often I can get things calmed down and tempered. I know once I was being held in my own apartment because my roommate did something bad and the bad guys came to take care of the situation. They were told not to harm me, but to beat the hell out of this guy. I was so pissed I would have beat him myself! So until he came walking through the door, they held me letting me know that if I did anything to stop it, I would go down too. Hell, I wasn't going to stop it because the guy deserved it. But... I did let them know that I was not happy being included in the situation and told them that their boss owed me a very nice dinner out. (Joking) I was not afriad... more pissed that my evening had been interrupted by such nonsense. Making me witness to a crime pissed the hell out of me! But I had those guys laughing and feeling bad that they had to do what they were doing with me there. Three days later... after they located me because no way was I staying in a situation like that, they apologized to me profoundly and begged me not to take action against them. I was a middle ground. I knew the cops/detective's and the bad guys just from living where I lived and I got along with all of them as long as they didn't ask me to cross a line... my line. I am not sure what it is Stella. A self awareness I think. Knowing I can handle most any situation and if need be, crumble later when the moment has passed. Plus where you come from and the experience's you have had. Now I am going to be thinking about this all day! lol I hope you figure it out and if you do... you know where to tell me. lol

MistressTaboo -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 1:06:50 PM)
I just am. I'm genetically disposed to it...four generations of strong forceful women...that we know about...I was adopted into a well to do family and that might of had something to do with it...but honestly my adoptive father and I have always had issues of who's in charge. He's self made and I'm self confident...it's been a dance and a balancing act. And to be honest if your character is a Domme her dad is either going to have to be more submissive or they are going to have to have some conflict. My confidence is that there isn't a submissive bone in my body...much to the chagrin of my adoptive father and my X husband...Genetically the women in my family have always been in charge and always been confident. Never been a situation I couldn't handle...that being said I have not stared down the barrel of a loaded gun. But I'm sure I could get my way out of that one too...

ShaktiSama -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 1:21:45 PM)
Having faced death more than once, in the form of the gun and other weapons, I would say that real power, especially in situations like the one you describe, often comes from the refusal to grant power to others. When someone pulls a gun on you and forces you to look down the barrel, but does not pull the trigger immediately? This person is trying to live out a fantasy of empowerment. The fantasy is that through this tool, he or he will gain control of you and cause you to experience all sorts of feelings of powerlessness, fear, etc, by subjecting you to threats of mutilation and death. They are seeking satisfaction from you--something they emotionally need. If you really want to live--don't give it to them. For one thing, you are not obligated to help them live out this fantasy. You do not have to deliver the lines that this person has written for you in his or her head. The most agonizing and frustrating thing you can do is simply refuse to emote the way they want you to--to show fear, to bargain, to beg for your life or anyone else's, to acknowledge their worth or superiority in any way. You can simply remain the same person you have always been--calm, strong, in control of yourself and a bastion of strength to others. For another thing, the fact that someone pulls the gun and doesn't immediately put a hole in you is a sign that killing you really isn't the point or the goal. The point is to terrorize and humble you. Once that goal is achieved, you may be shot simply because you have served your purpose. Why help to hasten that moment? And finally, at the end of the day? A pistol is just a threat of death or injury. Death is nothing compared to annihilation, and that is what you face when someone tries to break your spirit through a threat of violence. As for all the rest of the nonsense about wealth and social position and blah blah blah--no. Daddy's money doesn't make you a domme, even if you had to help him earn it, any more than a crow's feather is what made Dumbo able to fly. You may rely on it if you've had it available as a crutch all your life, but if someone kicks it away from you you will probably find that you can still walk. Dominance does not spring from or rest upon material goods or social position--that's structural violence, it has nothing to do with individual character. You can take all the trappings of power and the privileges of class and wealth away from a domme, but if she's the Real McCoy, it won't change a thing. Being a domme is not about what resources you have available, it's about how you use them, and why. You can take every bit of cash and privilege from a real dominant, and she'll survive and bend others to her will regardless. Sure, she might hate you and want to kill you, but she won't crumble. She'll just look around her, see what's available in her environment, and exercise her will to power. It's what dommes do.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 1:33:51 PM)
What Shakti said. [:D] I can't speak to the class struggles of Britain, all I know of that comes from TV shows. I suspect that wealth brings with it a certain sense of (false) entitlement, but that has nothing to do with being dominant. Fear of death doesn't have anything to do with being dominant either, honestly. I think a person of any orientation can be very afraid of deadly force, even in the hands of a waffling incompetent. If Tina has it in her, she has it, from natural personality, and from practice. It takes personal courage to stare down someone with a gun. Is she a person who can be intimidated, or is she able to use her fear constructively and take charge of the situation?

SnowRanger -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 1:35:12 PM)
Is this a hand gun or a long arm? Will Tina dis-arm Becky with some SAS inspired move? Is Becky's background more patrician? I understand that there are consequences for even posession of certain kinds of fire arms in Britain; thus, Becky must have been in quite a state even to get the thing. I disagree with your analysis of the gun being another character. The gun is not going to shoot anybody. Becky either has the will to shoot or she doesn't. If it is the source of her power, it is a rather poor one. I do agree with your analysis of the scene in general. As the scene progresses Becky's power diminishes. After the initial shock of the gun's appearence, Becky's delay in using it compromises her position. Just holding the damned thing up will drain her! Tina, on the other hand; after her initial reaction (what ever you choose to make it), maintains her power. Perhaps her power increases. This is another reason not to let the gun become a character in it's own right. Un-armed Tina will (or will not) triumph over an armed Becky. She will not triumph over the gun. Of course if the gun has lines in the script forget everthing I just said. Break a leg! (Do they say that in Britain?) Mike SnowRanger

LaTigresse -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 1:55:24 PM)
Very true. I've never seen a gun as an entity. It is a tool. If a person is pointing a gun at you and you are staring at the gun, worried about the gun, then you are a fool. As Shakti has already said (and very well, loved that posting) the gun is simply a tool a weak person is using to try and gain power. It is up to you whether or not to give it to them.

SnowRanger -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:22:41 PM)
Well. I can't entirely agree. I have been commisioned to carry one and I have even had it out of the holster once or twice. It's a tool, but not necessarily a tool for the weak Sometime, after we have all attended the play Switch, remind me to tell you the story of the time I didn't have pull mine.

LadyHibiscus -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:24:29 PM)
I don't think guns are tools for the weak, I know I was referring to the scene in the play, and to so many scenes on television where the shaky handed person waves the gun like it means something. That's why I was taught eons ago to never unholster a gun in self defense unless you were prepared to shoot! It's so easy to have it turned against you.

Lashra -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:30:54 PM)
Mine comes from within. Money, power, material things has nothing to do with it. I control my submissive because he finds me Dominant, a natural leader and decision maker. But some men may say that I'm just a "bossy bitch". As for your character I would say her power should come from within and from nurturing. Perhaps her father guided her towards being an independent decision maker, maybe he pegged her as his heir and knew she'd have to be tough to make it in such a male dominated field. Hope this helps. ~Lashra

ShaktiSama -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:34:30 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SnowRanger Well. I can't entirely agree. I have been commisioned to carry one and I have even had it out of the holster once or twice. It's a tool, but not necessarily a tool for the weak. In my experience, people who simply use the gun as a tool do not point it at you for purposes of intimidation. If they draw it, they fire it as necessary. They know what the weapon is for. A gun doesn't make you strong. It doesn't enhance your personal charisma. It doesn't heal a wounded ego or shore up your inadequacies. It doesn't correct your personal failings or undo your bad choices. And it damn sure won't make a man love you if he's already chosen to be with another woman! The purpose of a gun is to make living things dead. Period. Anyone who buys or wields one for any other purpose is a dangerous moron, and should be treated accordingly.

SlaveBlutarsky -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:42:50 PM)
Mine comes from between my legs. Cock=power baby!!! Long live the King!!! My 'power' comes from my heart. My family, of which I am the youngest in, has always stressed being a good person and the Golden rule type stuff. I've made it a point to always try to do the right thing and live up to the standards that I feel make my family proud of me. My mother has raised my sisters and I to be well rounded, independent adults with strong morals and character. We're not religious at all, just believe in living a good life and doing the right thing. As big of a meathead as I am and as happy-go-lucky as I am (for lack of a better phrase) it's very important for me to see those around me safe and happy. Most people are pretty surprised when they learn some of these things about me, because they aren't traits I advertise, but are very important and personal to me. I think the foundation and strength that my upbringing has given me the power to do good things in life and affect people in a meaningful and positive way. Knowing that sustains and drives me to become a better person. I don't think that you can really derive power from anything or anyone else other than yourself.

SnowRanger -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/24/2009 2:43:29 PM)
On that we agree totally! Let's all plan to get together when Switch tours the USA.

CatdeMedici -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/26/2009 5:38:20 AM)
You asked where "My seat of power" comes from, not an analysis of the current scene described--so here goes: Mine comes from a cool head, a calm heart and nerves of steal. I am always seeing now and three steps from now. I work to not just look at people in My circle but to really see what is there---strengths, weaknesses, motivations, limitations and to understand how that cab and will drive interactions. I have the ability to make the tough decisions and live by them--- at times to the benefit of others, at times to everyone's loss, at times to My benefit, more often to My loss--I face life and what it presents head on, nit blindly, but well informed. I observe, I match behavior against words, evaluate, determine and act or don't act as needed. I understand that most people live life through a sense of desparation, fear, low self esteem and I try, in the smallest interactions to help us feel good about our brief moment. None of that has to do with fetishes or female sexuality. I think it comes from watching My parents---My father was adamant over ethics, My mother over dignity and maturity--but I along the way defined My own way--that is what makes Me a Domina--not whips, chains, or costumes, but My fearless/cautious ability to guide a ship through very uncertain waters.

LaTigresse -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/26/2009 7:56:22 AM)
Cat that is an awesome post.

Calandra -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/26/2009 12:34:50 PM)
I was once at My brother's house for a BBQ, when this "gangsta" wannabee pulled up and drew his gun right in front of My nieces and nephews. I swear, I didn't even THINK. I just started walking towards him and talking to him, forcing him to LOOK AT ME and no one else. Somehow he ended up putting his gun away, and was almost apologetic as he got into the car and drove away. To this day I have no idea what I even said, I just knew that I had to be the authority figure and everyone would live through it. Over the years there have been a number of situations where I did something similar, and I know that I simply go into "autopilot" because I have to. I draw resources from somewhere deep inside. I know that those same resources are there to draw upon in My dealings with My slaves. Somehow the right course just "FEELS" right, and I have the confidence to carry through. I guess that the seat of My power is My heart, because when My heart is moved to action, everything else falls into place.

Steponme73 -> RE: Where is the seat of your power? (4/26/2009 6:35:07 PM)
Boy, we have some tough people on this site! I am amazed at the number of people who have looked down the wrong end of a barrel! I have never been that close...however, having served in Viet Nam for 18 months in infantry, taught me that strength comes from within. That and of course training. Her strength has to come from within...she knows she is strong willed and is not afraid...

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

6.054688E-02