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newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 2:17:23 AM   
deviliousplaym8t


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		i am very new to this lifestyle...i had a couple of experiences with what I thought would be a dom that was good fit for me but wasnt...i have a very complicated life and am looking for the chance to "not be in charge" but i am not that sexuallly experienced...married 19 years...I am very willing to try anything one time...where do I look and how do i find the right fit....from what I have heard a lot of doms would like someone "new" but I'm not sure where to start....

I would love to hear from you even if you are not interested...you probably have some valuable infomation....

LeeAnn

< Message edited by deviliousplaym8t -- 4/25/2009 2:21:51 AM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 5:30:54 AM   
marysdream


Posts: 126
Joined: 5/31/2008
Status: offline 		good morning devilousplaym8t! there are alot of really good BDSM websites, that are not totally porn! be sure you understand your own needs, and by all means do not get sucked in to the wannna bee D's or even worse then that the sick ones that set out intentionally to hurt others...remember safe sane and consenual! my advice is do not consent to anything on line..until you have established a realtionship in real time with that person!
i wish you luck and feel free to e-mail me if you need a friend
have a great weekend!
ree

(in reply to deviliousplaym8t)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 5:53:25 AM   
chamberqueen


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/25/2007
From: Kalamazoo, MI
Status: offline 		Try to think about things that you would enjoy.  For instance, are you a masochist or are you looking more for a kinky sexual partner?  Do you enjoy dressing up?  Do you have ideas of things that you absolutely do NOT want to do? 

Once you are in touch with your likes and dislikes you can start contacting some people.  Some here believe the best way to meet is in person at munches.  Others have found a partner online first and felt more comfortable with that and then moved into real time. 

View the profiles of the Doms in your area and see if there is something that attacts you to a person.  Some subs have no problem with a poly relationship while for others that is a hard limit.  Look for things like that, his interests, and whether his words stir something within you.  Just reading a profile doesn't mean you need to contact them, but get a feel for the different types of Doms.  Remember that a profile is not always a totally accurate reflection of a person - some have a great profile but aren't much in person and vice versa - but it is a starting point.

Good luck to you.  I hope you find someone special.


_____________________________



(in reply to marysdream)
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RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 6:28:22 AM   
deviliousplaym8t


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		thank you very much for taking the time to respond....i am trying to navigate in a safe way the is benifical to me...

i appreciate you comments and hope that if i have any question with someone i meet i can contact you for input....

thanks again, leeann

(in reply to marysdream)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 6:31:36 AM   
deviliousplaym8t


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		again, i say thank you....i have thought a lot about what you have said before i posted....because i am new, there wasnt a lot of choices as to where to look....i appreciate you input....i hope i wont need it but if i do hope you are ok it i contact you at a later date....

Thanks again,
leeann

(in reply to chamberqueen)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 6:49:12 AM   
niki6


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/23/2009
Status: offline 		Hi Leeann,
You and I sound alot alike.  This is something I'm always known that should be a part of my life, but never found the right man who "got me".  Let me know how it goes.  I look forward to hearing good things!
Kat

(in reply to deviliousplaym8t)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 7:09:29 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		LeeAnn, you have two options to meet - online and in person. For in person, find out what local groups there are (use Google and type in D/s or BDSM and your location).  There are a disproportionate number of kinksters in Michigan.

For online, add a picture to your profile (it makes you visible for photo searches) and possibly a journal entry.  Post an intro in the Intro section.

Welcome!


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to niki6)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 7:52:12 AM   
Rainfire


Posts: 4047
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Welcome to CM, leeann, I hope things work out for you.

First off, I would recommend just hanging around the boards and getting to know everything you can first off. There can be a lot of pitfalls and traps if you don't know what you're looking for. In fact, they're still there even if you know what you're looking for but that way you can hopefully spot them easier and avoid them! Get to know yourself and the various aspects of the lifestyle so that you can learn what might interest you. I like the way my Daddy, Lumus, puts it in that everyone has limits, they either just don't know them or don't admit to them. Get to know people and talk with them as friends. Learn from both Dominants and submissives/slaves. Ask questions, even the dumb or silly ones since there might be something in there that isn't so dumb or silly. Read different sections of the forums, follow threads that interest you and don't think that you have to find "THE ONE" immediately. Take your time and when it's right, it will happen. There are plenty of success stories here on CM, Lumus and I for one, Greedy and Pirate another.

Good luck and feel free to contact me if you like...


_____________________________

"I have sold my soul to the devil for You, will You still love me when I am soiled, stained and souless in my love for You?
Or is this the beginning of the end?"
Proud member of the Clan Scarlett O'Hair

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 11:27:24 AM   
deviliousplaym8t


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		I am so not sure about all of this....met a guy I really like on the phone...I work as a flight attendant so I work with dominant males ALL the time.....even though I have a msw in social work from u of m....thought about that....lol...university of michigan....i get it....as a blonde flight attendant...i get that shit alot....

(in reply to niki6)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 11:32:09 AM   
deviliousplaym8t


Posts: 8
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		i would love to chat with you ofline....if you get this please contact me...

(in reply to niki6)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 12:42:19 PM   
angelikaJ


Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline 		You have cmail.

(in reply to deviliousplaym8t)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 1:17:51 PM   
AnOlderDom


Posts: 1
Joined: 7/15/2008
Status: offline 		Hi pet,

As you have found out unfortunately, many that call themselves Dominant really have no clue and are just looking for a way to get naked with you (not that  being naked is a bad thing). A true Dominant understands the mental aspects as well. I would suggest finding someone who has a normal life outside of BDSM as well to get a well rounded person to learn with. Would also suggest a more "mature" Dom that has been around a while. This Old Dom has been in the lifestyle 15 years and happy to talk anytime. Feel free to email and I will answer any questions honestly.

AOD

(in reply to angelikaJ)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/25/2009 6:22:26 PM   
masterlink65


Posts: 683
Joined: 11/3/2007
Status: offline 		what does sexual experience have to do with dominance and submission?

(in reply to deviliousplaym8t)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 6:40:03 PM   
SexyBlackMan2


Posts: 108
Status: offline 		first of all, you should find a Dominant that makes you feel comfortable. That's the bottom line. Make sure He has YOUR interests at heart when being introduced to the lifestyle. A newbie has to have her hands led through things. You should also COMMUNICATE things you'd be interested in trying. And, if you try them, discuss it afterward. Be careful as many so-called Dominants are only into kinky sex. The BDSM is very much mental.

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 6:52:19 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: masterlink65

what does sexual experience have to do with dominance and submission?

What he said.
i know how it feels to want some intense BDSM..... please don't let that make you rush into anything.


< Message edited by breatheasone -- 4/30/2009 6:54:35 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to masterlink65)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 7:32:49 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		Shit married 19 years yer prolly to old for me but send me a Gash shot   So we can get to know each other better...  And Ill get back to you

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 7:45:27 PM   
Apocalypso


Posts: 1104
Joined: 4/20/2009
Status: offline 		There's no nice way of saying this.  At the moment, both your profile and your posts on here come across as if you're a bit desperate.  That would put me off massively.

I know that BDSM is new and exciting for you and you want to get on with it.  But I really think you should chill out a bit.  Chat to people without necessarily looking for a relationship with them from the start.  If one happens, great.  If it doesn't you've still made a new friend.


_____________________________

If you're going to quote from the Book of Revelation,
Don't keep calling it the "Book of Revelations",
There's no "s", it's the Book of Revelation,
As revealed to Saint John the Divine.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 7:49:04 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline

REvised ADVICE  read your profile you in MI forget about sending me a gash shot.  Let's meet SOONEST and show me your gash....Im in the book

And you had 2 guys in one week not to mention hubbs that would be 3 by my count. You say things aren't going so well for you.....  I wonder why???

Come on over to my place we can have some fun....book another guy later in the week  or hell book a girl the following week.. then update us with another thread...  Cant wait for the next installment.

BadOne


_____________________________

The beatings will continue until morale improves.

According to SwithNSpanky
We are all so very lucky to have you with us to impart your great wisdom.

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 4/30/2009 10:56:58 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		You ARE bad!

She said she had two experiences with the same guy. (I think)

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: newbie looking for a dom - 5/1/2009 4:57:31 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Go find a checklist of BDSM activities, figure out which ones most appeal to you. Figure out which you never want to do, and which you would be willing to try at an unspecified later date if the stars all align correctly.

That's the easy part. Now the hard part; figure out what qualities you need in a person you are involved with.

Are you okay with people who get angry quickly and then get over it just as quickly or do you prefer people who rarely get angry but then don't forgive for a long time? Figure out which one of them you are.

If you are a single parent, is it important to you that your new partner also be very involved with his family so he will understand your devotion to yours? Or are you fine with a person without ties as long as they understand you will have to cancel unexpectedly if someone gets sick, you can't get a sitter, etc.

Most of the time you spend with someone is not spent being tied up and fucked silly (more's the pity). Is it important to you that you like the same music, the same movies, that he be as much of a miniature golf fan as you are? Make sure you are compatible on those kinds of things. One thing I absolutely hated during my marriage was that I never got to listen to my music if he was around. It's really wonderful running errands with someone who shares your tastes and has the same favorite radio station.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to xxblushesxx)
Profile   Post #: 20
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