Why do you decide to be a domme?

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Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/1/2006 10:32:27 PM

naughtynick

Posts: 207
Joined: 1/20/2006
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Ok, this may be a silly question but it has been a silly question that has stuck in my head ever since I knew about the BDSM scene. I have never met anyone in person in this scene, I only know from what I see on the net. I am a sub that does not have a domme personality, so that’s why I am asking because only people with a domme personality would probably know better.

Do some Mistresses out there like to take on their role because they are misandrist? The same said about male dommes, do they take on that role because they are misogynist? I am not saying all do but a number of them.

I have seen many profiles both male dommes and female dommes, some can appear to me as hatred towards the opposite sex. I can see it in a way of this certain domme enjoys humiliating or hurting the opposite sex for this reason.

I am not trying to say many doms do it, but I think a small percentage stand out this way. I find it bothersome but others wouldn’t.

Your thoughts

Post #: 1

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/1/2006 10:52:32 PM

Arpig

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From: Increasingly further from reality
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Hi Nick, this is a good question. Any question that makes us examine our motivations is a good question.
I am not a misogynist by any stretch of the imagination...I adore women, i like all sorts, shapes, ages, and sizes of women.
I really have no idea what the deep root of my desire to dominate women is. There is an strong element of sadism in it, yet at the same time I derive great personal emotional pleasure from the fact that I am giving my pet something special, something she craves and needs. Which is the predominant motivation varies from scene to scene.
I suspect there are some misogynist Doms, but the impression I get is that most of the doms (or at least most of them who post on here) are very fond of their subs, and of women in general. The same goes for the dommes who post on here, they seem to be very fond of their boys as well.
I think the impression that dommes are misandrist may come from the fact that by definition they like/want a man who does not fit the societal ideal, and therefore the stereotypical male is something they do dislike or at least have little interest in.
Thanks for the question, i am sure i will be coming back to post again as I ponder my motivations.

the unexamined life etc. etc.

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(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 2

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/1/2006 11:35:10 PM

naughtynick

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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Thanks, that is an interesting point. People want to be dominants for all different reasons, some are silly and others are not but this is a place for everyone who has an open mind. Most people who have a closed mind about sex would get shocked at this type of thing. I just think some people join because they hate the other sex.

(in reply to Arpig)

Post #: 3

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 3:00:54 AM

RavenMuse

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Joined: 1/23/2006
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Good question and yes I have encountered some that made me wonder a little (But whatever works for the concenting adults involved is fine by me even if its not my thang)

Personaly the Dominant part is just who I am and I can see many factors in my early life that probably shaped that. Even in the work enviroment I tended to rise quickly to a management position or, a the hospital where that wasn't an option, I ended up a union Seward where I was dealing with management on an equal footing.

Why women? Simple, I'm straight and that Dominance is equaly present in my sexuality. I probably could Dom a male just as well, I've simply never wanted to.

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 4

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 4:34:11 AM

MistressAlexaS

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Joined: 1/13/2006
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When I was 19 years old and with my first boyfriend , we were in a hotel room and I had this overpowering urge to tie him up with my pantyhose. I did so and from there proceeded to tease, torment, bite, pinch and slap his ass good. Why? It felt good, it felt right. Being a naturally dominant kinky sadistic female it just flowed. I respect men who respect me as a equal person and I love my boyfriend with all my heart.

I'm not so sure being a domme is something you decide to do or if its just a natural progression in life for some of us. But I do know I love what I'm doing its been an adventure that I hope never looses its appeal.

~Alexa

_____________________________

Self-reliance is the only road to true freedom, and being one's own person is its ultimate reward.
Patricia Sampson

(in reply to RavenMuse)

Post #: 5

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 4:39:36 AM

naughtynick

Posts: 207
Joined: 1/20/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressAlexaS

When I was 19 years old and with my first boyfriend , we were in a hotel room and I had this overpowering urge to tie him up with my pantyhose. I did so and from there proceeded to tease, torment, bite, pinch and slap his ass good. Why? It felt good, it felt right. Being a naturally dominant kinky sadistic female it just flowed. I respect men who respect me as a equal person and I love my boyfriend with all my heart.

I'm not so sure being a domme is something you decide to do or if its just a natural progression in life for some of us. But I do know I love what I'm doing its been an adventure that I hope never looses its appeal.

~Alexa

Hey that is good. I hope you didn't take my post the wrong way. I am too tired to say more lol

(in reply to MistressAlexaS)

Post #: 6

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 4:44:10 AM

LadyJulieAnn

Posts: 979
Joined: 6/29/2005
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I decided to explore my Domme side later in life because it was the natural expression of my sexuality over time. I displayed an interest in bondage and making people helpless from childhood, but kept those thoughts hidden for most of my life. During my private exploration (online chatting, pics, websites) I discovered that people had real relationships with a D/s dynamic and BDSM activites. I finally accepted myself and haven't looked back. Being a Domme is just one aspect of my life, and I experience a lot of happiness in vanilla life as well.

I certainly don't hate men. I love men, and seeing them helpless before me and willing to endure anything for me is awesome for me. When I use humiliation or pain, it's not to hurt the sub emotionally or physically. I have no reason to get revenge, as I have seen some "Dommes" do. I do it because it's a turn-on for me and for my sub. He wants the control and wants to endure things for me, and I love him for that.

Be well,
Julie

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 7

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 4:44:24 AM

Isara

Posts: 87
Joined: 2/4/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
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Definitely events that happened to me as a child have shaped my life choices. For me, I can say with certainty also that I’m not in this lifestyle to abuse either men or women submissives.

I’ve worked in a drop in centre, I’ve seen abuse and it always made my tummy feel all funny and do those horrible little flip flops that made me want to throw up.

I –do- however, relish being in control of a person who is willingly handing me the proverbial reins.

While Arpig said “I think the impression that dommes are misogynists may come from the fact that by definition they like/want a man who does not fit the societal ideal, and therefore the stereotypical male is something they do dislike or at least have little interest in.” I have to agree, but with a slightly different point of view.

Yeah, it has to be a factor that the majority of us are seen as wanting a non-stereotypical male, I’d like to point out that for me-and at least some of the Dommes I know, we relish the stereotypical male, and it’s even nicer for us that they’re giving up control to us.

It’s nice seeing a strong, powerful, successful man give up power to a woman who has to be at least eight inches shorter then him, who’d have little to no chance of pushing him around in a bar fight.

At any rate, there are going to be misogynists, there are also going to be fem fatales out there.

It sounds like you’ve been having trouble with a few specific people from the tone of your post. All I can recommend is remembering that we’re not all like that, and searching will prove worthwhile in the end.

_____________________________

"I can't -- not just like that. I'm a complicated person, you see, Aunty... Sometimes I'm nice, and sometimes I'm nasty -- hee hee!...and sometimes I just like to sing little songs, like: "See the little goblin, see his little-- " Edmond Blackadder

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 8

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 6:46:36 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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Joined: 10/25/2005
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There are definitely dominants who get into this because they have no idea how to handle a relationship, are scared of their partners and so need to feel in control and on top of things and lash out in their fear. Ds is a handy format for this.

But there are also plenty of dominants who want to feel like the primary caregiver and protector and don't know how to handle a competent partner. Ds is a handy format for this too.

And there are plenty of normal healthy boring people who just find this is what resonates best for them.

_____________________________

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 9

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 8:21:19 AM

yourMissTress

Posts: 1665
Joined: 6/14/2005
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I didn't decide to have a dominant personality, I just do. I didn't decide to have kinky interests, I just do. I didn't decide to be a sadistic bitch, I just am. I didn't decide that I would be sexually turned on by physically and mentally torturing men, I just am.

I did decide that I was going to live a life that was as true to my inner self and desires as possible, and I am.

Although many may be able to argue that certain life experiences have made me a misandrist, this is not the case. I love men. I love many aspects of the male species. And I love many members of the male species. I do not hold them all responsible for the acts of a few.

_____________________________

Tress

"If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you are not." My Grandmother

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 10

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 8:44:00 AM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

I didn't decide to be dominant any more than a gay or bi person would decide to be gay or bi.

It's simply how I express my sensuality and sexuality. It has nothing to do with my view of men (I adore men) or my thoughts on relationship dynamics or "who's in charge." Ever since I was old enough to date, I expressed my lust and affection with overtones of seduction, domination, control. The scenarios arouse me on a physical level, but also satisfy something really deep inside that has nothing to do with sex.

I get off on seeing a man surrender to me willingly. Because of that, I've developed fetishes for restraints, pain toys, humiliation games and more.

There's no anger there or distate for men. It's actually a huge expression of affection and desire when I want to dominate a man. I spoil my men rotten; they may submit to me, but I worship any guy willing to suffer to get me wet.

Akasha

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(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 11

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 10:45:15 AM

Nuke718

Posts: 240
Joined: 8/2/2005
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OK, that's both hot and a very good explaination. It requires more thought, but echos several thoughts I have had in discussions over the last 6 months. Thanks!

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

There's no anger there or distate for men. It's actually a huge expression of affection and desire when I want to dominate a man. I spoil my men rotten; they may submit to me, but I worship any guy willing to suffer to get me wet.

Akasha

(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 12

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 10:46:10 AM

Slipstreme

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Joined: 1/1/2006
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I'm certainly not misandrist or misogynist. I tend to like people as a whole. I mean sure there are some people I would rather see wiped off the face of the planet, but for the most part I love and care for humanity.

I can't say that I chose to be Dominant as much as I can say I chose to be a sadomasochist. It just happened. However, I've noticed that my own insecurities and indecisiveness has led me to take control only on the short term, as until I deal with and control that part of my own life, how can I possibly control the life of another? Truth is, I can't, but it doesn't stop me from wanting to. Perhaps later on in life after I have matured enough to handle my own.

The rare times I find myself feeling submissive, I have yet to figure out how or why that happens either. However, I find myself once back in my average behaviour patten quick to let my partner know I am not submissive. Commands and attempted control tend to irritate me quickly and often lead to me giving them the cold shoulder.

The sadomasochism I have traced back to early childhood. Oh the games I played with friends!

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(in reply to AAkasha)

Post #: 13

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 8:00:51 PM

MochaMistress

Posts: 275
Joined: 1/8/2006
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I never made a decision to be come a Domme. I just am what I am. I had little blonde boys carrying my book bag in elementary school. In high school I would target football players and break them down physically and mentally. I never knew there was a term for me until after my divorce. Its when I had my first encounter with a true submissive in the BDSM scene. And then it all click for me. After him, I've tried for years to be vanilla and it just didnt work, my needs were not being met. So now I'm back doing what is as natural to me as breathing.

(in reply to Slipstreme)

Post #: 14

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 9:57:40 PM

RumpusParable

Posts: 1923
Joined: 7/7/2005
From: NYC now!
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Certainly there are many folks who find BDSM a way to cover or justify hatred and issues of various sorts... that's just the way humans are, with just about any subject and interest. If it exists, someone is using it to excuse, justify or lure in others for their unpleasant reasons.

But, there are also tons of folks in it for so many other reasons, each combination personal.

Me, my domination is not involved with gender or sex of the submissive... it's purely based on my chemistry with that person and is a personality thing. If they and I match up so that I am the naturally dominant person in our interactions, then that's just how we are. The extent, too, varies greatly. As for the opposite sex, specifically, I've no special hatred or distaste for them. Any and all disliking I have for people also tends to be on a personality basis.

From the other perspective, I will not and do not submit to someone who feels the desire to dominate me out of disdain -for any reason, sex or other. That sort of feeling towards me instead keys my self-protective and dominant side. I've zero desire to be under the control of or given pain by someone who has a basic disrespect or hatred of me for any reason. Sexism and the like strike me as being ignorance, immaturity and insecurity issues, none of which strike me as respectable or safe to be around.

(in reply to MochaMistress)

Post #: 15

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 10:45:12 PM

Twilightt

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Joined: 1/25/2006
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Okay fine, No one here hates the opposite sex? Then I'll be the first to admit it.

If I didn't hate men so much I don't think I'd love them. Men are pigs, untrustworthy and disrespectful, Very few know how to control a relationship and I wouldn't want them too anyway. I hate men.

There you go, one post for the hating the oposite sex Domme appeal. Men only think with the head that doesn't reside on their shoulders.

(in reply to RumpusParable)

Post #: 16

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 10:50:23 PM

ExistentialSteel

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First off, I wouldn’t want to dominate anyone that I didn’t care for and feel good around. She would have to appeal to me and I would hope that we respected each other in every way.

However, after reading the other posts and thinking about it, I believe being a Dom type and associating with sub types has always made relationships happen easier for me. I don’t have to worry about developing the relationship in ways that I would in the vanilla world. I first get to know her from the context of D/s and then allow our interests in other things to enter. It seems funny after a while when we get to know each other so well… laugh, debate and generally have fun that we initially met or based our relationship on D/s or, for that matter, any structure, but I know that is what happened.

I don’t know if it is a weakness of fearing vanilla relationships or if it is a propensity to seek subs to fulfill my desires. I just know it is easier for me to develop a relationship with a sub so I suspect it may be a little of both.

_____________________________

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RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 11:21:55 PM

naughtynick

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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Well thanks for your honesty. Each to their own, I have nothing against you because of that but I do find it bothersome to a certain extent. This gives me no reason to dislike you. But I will note that you are wrong about what you are saying. There are a lot of untrustworthy, dirty men AND women out there. It is a part of being human. You answered my curiosity anyway. I am just curious how many there are out there. I just wish you the best to find who ever it is you want out there. Take it easy.

(in reply to Twilightt)

Post #: 18

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/2/2006 11:23:49 PM

naughtynick

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Joined: 1/20/2006
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Sorry that last message was meant for Twilightt. I forgot to quote it.

(in reply to naughtynick)

Post #: 19

RE: Why do you decide to be a domme? - 2/3/2006 6:09:38 PM

NeedToUseYou

Posts: 2297
Joined: 12/24/2005
From: None of your business
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Twilightt

Okay fine, No one here hates the opposite sex? Then I'll be the first to admit it.

If I didn't hate men so much I don't think I'd love them. Men are pigs, untrustworthy and disrespectful, Very few know how to control a relationship and I wouldn't want them too anyway. I hate men.

There you go, one post for the hating the oposite sex Domme appeal. Men only think with the head that doesn't reside on their shoulders.

Wow, that oddly gave me tingles. LOL, but I do think I understand what you are saying. I think most women are controlled by there emotions. Similiar to you thinking all men are controlled by there little heads. Both of us believe the opposite sex is lacking personal control for the most part. Just envisioning a collision of ideologies. I'd win of course.

Of course, I think I must like emotional women to some degree subconsciencly, as it seems that's all I ever attract, I bet you just attract horn dog men that drive you nuts. Wonder why?

Ironic part is I bet at 10:1 we both end up with what exactly drives us the most crazy. LOL. Life is beautiful isn't it. As they say there is a thin line between love and hate.

Oink, Oink, you doing anything later

Thanks.

(in reply to Twilightt)

Post #: 20

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