From sub to Dom/me..?

From sub to Dom/me..? (Full Version)

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servingwench80 -> From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 5:07:59 AM)
This is something that I've seen in the online world as well as in person. Why is it that some people start out as submissive, and then at some point decide that they want to turn Dominant? I can understand it if someone started out being sub, and then eventually discovered that in their heart and soul they were really dominant and just never realized it. But I would think this is a more rare thing. People seem to talk about "going Dom" as if it's a natural progression. A promotion. Moving up in the world. As if they were somehow less while they were submissive. I know the general opinion in the lifestyle is not that submissives are less, but that is how it comes across. If these people were really dominant, how could that side of them have stood being submissive? And if they are really submissive, why would they want to become dominant? And wouldn't these people have a hard time getting people to see them as a Dom when everyone has already seen them as a submissive? Apologies to the Dommes out there, I don't mean to exclude you from the question, I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that. [;)]

fyreredsub -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 5:46:31 AM)
i did the exact opposite,Domme to Gor kajira in one very ungraceful jump

RavenMuse -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 6:12:30 AM)
People like to put things in nice clean boxes. X is Dom, Y is sub.... but life doesn't tend to have such clear distinctions. I think most people have elements of both inside them. Some like myself, due to circumstances early in life are pushed far toward one extream or the other. Other people less so. But people often only present the side of them that is strongest. One previous partner of mine was very submissive when we first met, inside the relationship her confidence built and she descovered that her submission had been built on her lack of confidence rather than her natural disposition. I can't switch and she needed that from her primary relationship not just from poly partners. Last I heard she was happily involved with a rather submissive gentleman but I have no problem accepting that she is now (at least mostly) a Domme. As for getting people to see who you are now rather than what you where, that comes with the territory you have to find your own way of dealing with it. If you know what you are then what someone else thinks shouldn't matter unless they are the person you are involved with. on that score I don't much care if someone was prieviously a Dom and is now a sub or even if they still switch, it is the dynamic between the two of us that matters.

michaelGA -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 6:15:07 AM)
and z is brat...speaking of brats...if you take away a brats ice cream, they can go from sub to Dom(me) from in 60 seconds...LOL

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 6:34:15 AM)
Well there could be a number of reasons why a person does this. One is that they are of the belief that the better Dominants submit, therefore understanding better the submission given to them. Some start out as submissive because they didn't understand who they really were and tend to "top from the bottom" in their relationship. I'm sure there are more reasons as well But it's early and I have yet to have my coffee.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 6:57:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: servingwench80 But I would think this is a more rare thing. People seem to talk about "going Dom" as if it's a natural progression. A promotion. Moving up in the world. As if they were somehow less while they were submissive. I know the general opinion in the lifestyle is not that submissives are less, but that is how it comes across. If these people were really dominant, how could that side of them have stood being submissive? And if they are really submissive, why would they want to become dominant? And wouldn't these people have a hard time getting people to see them as a Dom when everyone has already seen them as a submissive? Apologies to the Dommes out there, I don't mean to exclude you from the question, I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that. [;)] It's really not that rare. People grow and change and progress. When people get into this, it's the bottoms who get attention, who get taken care of, who get the pretty things and the spoilage and it's very easy to get sucked into that perspective of starting at the bottom. Given time, they learn, explore, figure things out. Some people actually think switches are the majority population in the scene (I'm not concluded on that one but there certainly are a lot more switches than people in the scene want to admit to). For every dom out there, there's 5 people telling them they can't be a dom. When I show up at a dungeon in collar and shackles one weekend, and then have a boy crawling after me the next, I've never once had anyone tell me they don't take me seriously. Now, they might be thinking it, but I am not aware of any separate treatment as compared to the other doms.

yourMissTress -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 7:59:07 AM)
I think people go the other way just as often. I don't think it has anything at all to do with moving up in the world. I do think it has to do with self exploration, evolution, growth, honesty to ones self, change, self acceptance and a multitude of other things. I spent some time exploring my own inner sub...turns out I don't have one, but I can pretend for a very short and specific amount of time as long as you are only going to do this, this and that, and then when you are done I'm going to tell you how you are going to do it the next time. I know self labeled male dominants who are really submissive but they see male submissiveness as weakness so they could never call themselves anything but a Dom. Someday they may come to terms with who and what they really are and when they can accept themselves for who they are then there will be a change. The titles that we choose for ourselves don't make people see us as such. Most people see us for what and who our actions prove us to be. It reminds me of something my grandmother used to say "If you have to tell people that you are a lady, you probably aren't".

veronicaofML -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 10:01:36 AM)
People like to put things in nice clean boxes. X is Dom, Y is sub.... but life doesn't tend to have such clear distinctions. ----------- a very wise man.....................................................

Nuke718 -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 10:40:35 AM)
Albatross spoke about the number of switches out there, and it is a topic of the moment in my local group. I for one think most people have a little switchiness to them, but in many it is so small that it goes unnoticed. Often people smush DS and SM terms together. When you seperat them out, you see a lot more variation. I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but enjoy bottoming on occasion (some even identify as Dom/masochist). Also in my rather limited understanding of old Leatherman customs it was normal to apprentice as a bottom before getting to top anybody. But some people do grow and evolve from a Dominant or submissive role to the other end. I feel if that is right for them so be it. I think growth and self evaluation is improtant. While some people swear Dominants are born and not made (same with subs) I have known more than 1 "True" Dom/me or sub do a complete 180 in the last decade. And they are usually damn good at the new role. Nuke }:-

RavenMuse -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/2/2006 11:33:41 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Nuke718 I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but..... Yep... I can't switch, don't sub or bottom.... but when my colour seargeant or RSM barked an order, I followed it, no questions!

artglfr -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/12/2006 5:17:40 PM)
Life brings each of us different surprises. I loved being a sub and had no problem being accepted as a Dom because it was a natural progression. I didn't think about it originally. It just happened, there I was with a subbie and I was demonstrating some rope techniques I had learned and soon she was suspended. Other subbies at the party saw her enjoying it and wanted to try and next thing You know I am "flying subbies". At parties after this Dommes would talk with me about rope and suspension and soon their subbie would be getting ready to "fly" as I showed the Dom basic suspension techniques. I have always been lucky I guess but it all just seems to have a natural flow so I changed my profile now to Dom and am enjoying it.

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/12/2006 5:27:53 PM)
i think its a spiritual thing are engergy adjust to the person we are with

Sunshine119 -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/12/2006 5:35:09 PM)
Power is what it is all about. Usually the Dominant is the most powerful of the pair. Change one of the participants in the duo (or more if poly) and the submissive may be more powerful than most of those with whom she/he interacts. I am submissive to One. But, I know I could and would enjoy being dominant to others if I didn't have my Dominant in my life. Perhaps there actually are more switches as LA asserts. When the pair changes partners, the participants often change roles.

Evanesce -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/12/2006 5:35:22 PM)
quote: I just get a little annoyed at always having to write H/he and S/she and Dom/me and s/he and all that. Then don't write like that. Most people don't. I'm one of those people who "started out submissive" and wound up "going Dom." Actually, that's not entirely accurate. I am, by nature, a dominant woman. However, when I ventured into the public realm of BDSM, I managed to convince myself that, because I needed a force stronger than myself in my life, and because I enjoyed being bound and helpless, I MUST be submissive. In trying to follow this belief, I managed to make myself miserable for about five years before it finally struck me that I don't HAVE to conform to that mold. That I can be the dominant, sadistic individual I am without having to concern myself with what is "normal." This is normal for me.

PlayfulOne -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/12/2006 5:50:36 PM)
I know my little one has not a dominant bone in her body and would fall over laughing if anyone ever suggested I might sub, but as someone mentioned earlier I think sometimes people conduse submission with being a little masochist. I sometimes just like rough kinky sex, pull my hair, bite me, twist my nipple, but have never confused that in any way being a submissive. K

LATEXBABY64 -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/13/2006 11:13:57 AM)
life is like the ocean its huge one moment we could sail to one port the comes the storm and we sail to another. but i think its knowledge and focus that keeps us on corse which leads me to beleave you can be anything you want too regardless of what people in this lifestyle think.

IronBear -> RE: From sub to Dom/me..? (2/13/2006 11:33:34 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RavenMuse quote: ORIGINAL: Nuke718 I know a a solid number of Dom/mes that will never submit in the DS sense, but..... Yep... I can't switch, don't sub or bottom.... but when my colour seargeant or RSM barked an order, I followed it, no questions! You found that too did you? The bloody RSM used to give me hell demanding I get my hair cut. However he did finish each blast with the word Sir though. Had a Master Sgt in Nam slam my but once forcing me to go face down in the mud and crap and as he did so he let loose with a tirade about useless officers.. Seconds after I went into the mud a couple of AK's opened up ate tore the shit out of where my arse had been seconds before.... That make me subby? Naaaa just made me listen to those with more expoerience in the future and fuck the rank.. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence! Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and Determination alone are omnipotent! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's all in the game and how you play it!

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