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porcelaine -> RE: A bunch of newbie questions. (5/16/2009 2:10:54 AM)
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remove the expectations and you'll alleviate one half of your problems immediately. accept what you don't know with the understanding your ignorance will dissipate with time. be honest with yourself and don't bullshit him. if you're not ready to do something don't bluff. this avoids complications and possible injuries. there's nothing wrong with moving slowly.
don't overwhelm yourself by trying to master a number of techniques instantaneously. instead break them up into groups. thereby addressing physical, emotional, mental, and the spiritual side of the lifestyle. by doing this you become well versed in various styles and develop into a well rounded dominant and give the same diversity to your husband too.
discard the notions of what is or isn't, what should or shouldn't be and focus on what you both enjoy. query him before and after scenes. discuss what was enjoyable, not so enjoyable, etc. learn to take cues from him in a variety of ways. don't be reliant on a safe word that he may not utter or may forget to say. learn him.
understand this is merely another way of relating. it isn't as complicated as people make it seem. how do you bring up difficult things now? you will find that many of the same behaviors that are successful for you in your marriage will be of benefit now. you shouldn't toss those things out and try to start fresh, but use them as a springboard instead.
you can find musical suggestions here: http://www.submissiveloving.com/alternative.html
there are also a number of threads that you can search as well that cover music in the scene.
finally, if you feel shame regarding your ineptitude, what he heck is he going to think about his? if the dominant really does set the tone, consider the example you're giving him. as with all things practice, proficiency, and patience will yield a positive effect on your performance. just remember to enjoy the experience. you have an opportunity to share something wonderful with him. don't miss the small important triumphs in an effort to conquer the next big thing. good luck.
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