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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 11:09:31 AM

MsFlutter

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

Too dominant? I don't think so. Really, I am not dominant enough in some ways---a marshmallow with a titanium core, after all. I have a lot of life experience and lifestyle experience, and I have learned what things to not budge on, and what things can be adjusted for the situation. I am a tough, and tough minded person, and I will not compromise myself. That means that some folks might feel that they are running into a wall with me, because like LaT, my time and attention does not come easily anymore.

what she said !

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 12:42:15 PM

masmiss

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I have never considered myself "too dominant". However, if you ask some of the other people in my life...

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 12:46:42 PM

Lockit

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Don't ask um's or ex's! hehe

Actually my um's thought I was... but each one at some point or another thanked me for how I raised them. And as much as they didn't want to be like me... they are and in some area's... added a bit! I have even picked up a pointer or two from my up and coming domina daughter! That girl can be quite evil... in a good way of course! Hubby is happy and that is all that counts!

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 12:57:42 PM

PeonForHer

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I just find it interesting that so many are grouping nice with lack of dominance. I honestly do not see the two as having anything to do with one another.

Given that I've always used 'niceness' and 'kindness' as pretty interchangeable too, LaT: Well said. Being the 'bitch' just looks like hard work to me. It's certainly a pain to get past in order for me to get to the human that (I hope) is in a particular dominant.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 12:59:04 PM

PeonForHer

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Dr Morin references something called 'nicing into submission', which had enormous resonance for me . . .. . I'll dig it up & post it . . . ..

Yes please, DK. Sounds pretty damned intriguing.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 12:59:48 PM

LadyHibiscus

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I think that if you are a naturally bitchy person, it's pretty easy, Peon!

Me, I have to remember to stay mad... it's just not *natural* for me to be mean. Sarcastic, impatient, bossy, yes, but not mean!

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 1:12:19 PM

LadyPact

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I've been somewhat debating answering this thread in My own head. My problem with it is that I can't help but apply the concept to My own life, which probably has little meaning to others out there.

The only time that I have ever heard something related to the complaint of 'too Dominant' is when I'm dealing with MP. He has no problem with telling Me that he is not My sub. It's kind of a running gag that we have in our family. He will absolutely tell Me that I have a boy for that kind of thing. LOL.

Oddly enough, I was chatting with him through messenger just this morning, and I kind of felt the 'Domme hat' going on. We were discussing going to SELF this year before the move, and the conversation somehow drifted to Me giving orders.

(These are real quotes, btw.)

Me - I'm going to SELF.

You are taking Me.

Period

Him - yes   I am taking you My Love

Me - that's the underlying you are doing it

even if, you, the husband, have to pack the car

do the driving

and the trip planning on computer because I can't get the printer to work

Him - not like I havent before   and yes   put on corsett

Me - put up with me while packing

listen to me bitch about whatever it is that I'm fretting about

then drive while I sleep (cause you know I will)

Him - yeah   that I do

Me - park in covered garage, figure out how to manage too much luggage to fit on cart for one trip to room

and then put up with my ass for three days til I drive you nuts

you're doing it..... so just get used to the idea now

You know, I really do love that man!

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 1:20:32 PM

Lockit

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LOL... LP, it sounds like he kinda loves you too!

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 1:27:19 PM

Lockit

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I am not bitchy.. I joke about it, but I am not in person bitchy. If someone makes me bitchy I get very angry because they took me to a place I am not normally at. That is the first sign of someone being divorced from my life.

I can be sarcastic but mostly for fun. But watch out if I am angry, then it is no fun at all and it takes a bit to make me angry. My dominance or force if you will... is fun for both and doesn't have to come from anger or frustration. It is more a passion or heat between us.

I am nice.. not too nice.. not too sticky sweet, but I am also very stern and direct. I don't have to get mean to make a man sweat! Just a look or tone or a couple little words like... I see.. oh really? or is that so? Calm, direct and beware... you are walking on ice. lol

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 1:35:45 PM

LadyPact

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

LOL... LP, it sounds like he kinda loves you too!

Yep, I think he does.

It's a good thing!

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 2:16:24 PM

DemonKia

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PeonForHer

Yes please, DK. Sounds pretty damned intriguing.

I know my giant honking posts are easy to skip over, & you mighta missed it on the previous page of this thread, so, here, Peon, special for you:

http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2581170

& as an additional note to the continuing conversation . ... . While I'm capable of being a mighty mighty bitch, my default mode is generally 'super nice', lol, which is why that Morin piece had such enormous impact on my life . .. . . .

Part of what goes on for me is that I've developed the habit of regularly separating out the 'good' / 'bad' judgement stuff from the descriptive stuff (or, at least, trying to separate them -- sometimes it's merely noting the way they tie together) . . . . . It's the writer thing -- judgments are boring writing, descriptions are interesting . . . . . & as long as, in my head, I was busily tagging all kinds of more descriptive terms with judgment labels, it was getting in the way of me being able to write entertainingly, powerfully, descriptively . .. .. .

I suspect that the adherence of 'good' or 'bad' judgements to the descriptive of 'dominant' is part of what is under some of this discussion . .. . . . . Sometimes 'dominance' has overtones of 'bad', sometimes of 'good' . . .. .

As per usual, my 2 pennies worth of contextualizing & otherwise nuancing the convo . .. .

Thanks, all, it's been a good one so far . . ...

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 2:18:33 PM

PeonForHer

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Oh - sorry, DK - I thought I'd scanned all the posts carefully. Thanks for the re-post with the link.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 2:20:25 PM

DemonKia

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De nada, Peon . .. .. I always take pleasure in spreading the wealth of my enormous insight & intelligence, lol . . . . . .

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 2:38:46 PM

LAgirlsub

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Oh gosh Lockit...I just read your comment and I flashed back to my mother...it only took a change in tone and I knew I was in for it...always scared the heck out of me (you never wanted my mother angry)...now that's a little unnerving that I didn't directly connect any bdsm feelings to my upbringing (up until this point indirectly). For some reason, it is a little disconcerting but I'm glad so many of you post your feelings/experiences which has broaden my view of all this. Thanks.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 3:43:37 PM

Lockit

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To me dominance is dominance, there are just different types of relationships, needs and how it all works. I relate it to parenting, training animal's and in an adult relationship mainly. I used it in work as well, but don't work now. Running crews of men or running a shelter, I had to let people know who was in charge and it just all mixed together.

I will never forget my son as a teen standing there and shaking in his boots because he knew he was going to get it... but I smiled inside that I could still shake him up and he literally shook... but he was growing up and he stood his ground and I loved every moment of it because he was now ready to face anything. I use that kenny rogers song the gambler... you have to know when to hold'em and know when to fold'em. It was my time to start folding because my holding and dominance had served its purpose and it was time to let go.

I don't know, I see d/s everywhere in life! lol But at my house.. with um's, dogs or men... I am the queen bitch and that's all there is to it! hehe

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 5:30:23 PM

DesFIP

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I don't see how having a strong moral code makes you dominant. I'm totally submissive but I stick to my morals. Doing otherwise, whether dominant, submissive or vanilla is a recipe for disaster and drama. And honestly, who needs that?

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 7:38:32 PM

Lockit

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That was my point DesFIP. My honor code is a part of charactor... period. I saw much of the questions or situation as a moral code or honor rather than dominance.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 8:14:12 PM

dreamerdreaming

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No.

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/28/2009 10:54:28 PM

ShaktiSama

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This thread is reminding of my favorite domme blues song:

"I walk down the street
knockin' 'em dead
store window dummies even turn their heads
Sho' enough--powerful stuff.

When you see me
You'll burn your black book
'Cause even blind men
Gotta take a second look
Sho' enough--
You're gonna think you're in love
And that's powerful stuff.

Black leather skirt
Black stack heel
Long raven hair
Dig the wig, it's unreal
Sho' enough--powerful stuff.

Old man Atlas
Holdin' up the world
Would drop everything
For...this girl
Sho' enough--
You're gonna think you're in love
And that's powerful stuff.

My hip-shakin' whip-snakin'
Cooks your goose
All you wanna be
Is maybe my papoose
You'll love my mind, but
Here's the deal--
I'm the kind of woman
Drives a MAN-mobile.

I open up my eyes
And turn on the juice
Pullin' like a magnet
I won't turn ya loose
Sho'enough--powerful stuff

When I start rockin'
Don't touch that dial
I'm a hundred thousand gigawatt
Woman child
Sho'enough
Boy, I think you're in love
And that's powerful stuff."

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RE: Are you too Dominant? - 4/29/2009 1:32:44 AM

MistressRouge

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I dont believe I am too Dominant, I feel I am just about right

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