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LafayetteLady -> RE: Where BDSM can be a trap (4/27/2009 9:53:07 PM)
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You leave a lot of information out. How long have they been together? It seems most posting here think this has been a significantly long relationship, but we don't know. As another pointed out, the particular religions in question can make a big difference in whether this can be worked out. I don't mean to minimize anyone's religion or the work that it takes for people practicing two different faiths to make a relationship work. Obviously, the Christian/Jew combination is likely the most common. While there are some very core things about each that the other completely disagrees with, it seems to have been easier to mesh together. On the other hand, if we are talking about a Christian/Satanist coupling, that isn't ever going to work. God/Athiest also (although I don't believe there is a formal conversion to atheism). The point is which religions matters.
As for why this was never discussed before, that is where the whole length of time comes in. First of all, from the posts it would seem that most of you get into deep religious discussions even before the first date! I think it is much more common in the world (what ever side of the fence your proclivities lie on) for us to meet someone first and see if we like them as a person. The OP doesn't mention how much each was actively practicing their faith all this time either. Many people may not actively practice their faith (leading their partner to not really think of it as an issue) but when the subject of marriage and children comes up, it is made clear that faith has more importance than we would have thought. I'm drawing a conclusion, but it seems that may have been the case here. It isn't following lust, or being blind, and it isn't a radical surprise. I don't follow organized religion, but I am Christian and realized quite a few years ago that I could never become involved with someone I had been talking to because I found out he was an atheist. We didn't have this big discussion on religion, and I honestly don't remember how it came about that he mentioned it, I just remember my realization when he did of how I felt.
As for whether or not BDSM complicates things? Really people, how many posts are on this board from people saying "master says so, so it is so"? This board is filled with posts from s and D types saying that what the D says goes and yet all of a sudden, that isn't the case? How hypocritical. Perhaps what the OP has to do is think about it in a different way. She should ask herself, if he ordered her to commit a crime, would she obey? Would she hesitate about following the directive? Question him? It is true that this is a relationship issue not a lifestyle one, but you can't have a situation where you tell someone that they must obey all orders and then say it is ok to disobey an order to convert to a different faith because they don't believe it. The difficulty the OP's friend is having isn't, in my opinion, a lifestyle one at all. But neither is it a vanilla one either. Regardless of the how, why, when, she is in love with this man. Her dilemma is getting the strength to walk away because she knows deep down that she must, but when we are in love, we always hope there can be another way. He has already said his expectations are that she convert. I doubt and it appears she knows that he can't be swayed. Her dilemma is how long can she avoid heartbreak.
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