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satyrsnymph28 -> trying... (4/30/2009 1:03:21 PM)
I'm trying to find a polite way to ask my roomate (who is also my brother) to not have his girlfriend let herself into the house and also a way to ask that he not let her eat all the food that i buy. she's not fat, because she plays sports, but she eats a TON!!! it's crazy how much food she packs away. i went grocery shopping on Friday, and left for the weekend, and when I got back on Monday, half of what i bought was gone. any suggestions? i've tried splitting the refrigerator, but he's too lazy to put stuff back where he got it from... he's not exactly the easiest person in the world to talk to... he yells a lot. i guess a solution might be to only put things in there that I'm ok with him/her eating or drinking or whatever, but that's not feasible, as there's only one refrigerator, and there isn't room for another. i tried that, and it didn't work. and since it seems that most of the people out here want to advise the extreme... MOVING OUT IS NOT AN OPTION!

Raechard -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:12:29 PM)
Why be polite stealing is stealing. People have different tastes so find out what they don't like and buy that.

LaTigresse -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:17:07 PM)
Bullshit, demand a full reimbursement from your brother (she is his guest) and don't back down. Demand he begin purchasing her groceries and enforce it. Have a chat with her, explain that she has been eating food you've purchased and cannot afford to feed her, that you would appreciate it if she would ASK before assuming. She may not even be aware that he didn't purchase it.

SteelofUtah -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:20:14 PM)
Stop the Passive Agressive Crap. "Brother and Brothers Girlfriend, I am tired of spending money on thigs for Me to eat to find them missing, I am going to ask real nicely for you to stop, Please be respectful and if you are going to eat something that you did not buy at very least ask me BEFORE you eat it. And if you do eat it I would hope you would at very least replace it at some point or offer to pay me for what it is worth. I cannot afford to feed myself and both of you at the same time." As for her letting herself in, if he lives there and she is his guest and it is okay with him then I would tell you to get over it as it is his right to allow people to let themselves in no matter how much it bothers you, however you could say when she walks right in it scares the Shit outtta me and I feel like I am about to have a panic attack. Or you could ask that he tell you when she is comeing over so you can expect the door to be opened unannounced. Finally you may want to do what I did. I bought my own Fridge and kept all the food that was for me in my room and installed a locking door. My Closet was my Pantry and my Mini Fridge was my cool store. Worked well because they were finally forced to get thier own food. Happy Hunting. Steel

breatheasone -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:21:38 PM)
my son still lives at home and he bought himself a nice little fridge that fit nicely in his room (the bedrooms are not big) It stands about 4ft tall and takes up surprisingly little floor space, it even has a freezer part thats decent. He got it at walmart for about 300.00 and walmart does have a lay-a-way program i believe.

Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:22:12 PM)
You can also tell her that she is welcome to eat at your home so long as she supplies her own food, then inform her of how much she owes you for consuming your food.

SteelofUtah -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:30:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone He got it at walmart for about 300.00 and walmart does have a lay-a-way program i believe. No, They no longer do it went away at least on the entire west coast the christmas before last. They say that a Gift Card is just as good as Lay-away except there is no guarantee that you will get that exact product. Steel

CatdeMedici -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:57:54 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse Bullshit, demand a full reimbursement from your brother (she is his guest) and don't back down. Demand he begin purchasing her groceries and enforce it. Have a chat with her, explain that she has been eating food you've purchased and cannot afford to feed her, that you would appreciate it if she would ASK before assuming. She may not even be aware that he didn't purchase it. [sm=goodpost.gif]

kiwisub12 -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 1:59:52 PM)
Point out to the girlfriend that just because its in the fridge doesn't mean that brother bought it. Maybe you could use a permanent marker to mark the food you buy so she will know what is yours. Assuming that she isn't an arsehole, she should respect your food, and leave it alone. I agree with the above suggestion you point out that you can't afford to feed everyone in the house. You may be able to find a small fridge on freecycle. Or you could ask if someone has one you could have, or go to craigslist and same thing - one to buy. Don't think you can do much about the "letting into the house" thing. He has as much right as you in that respect.

Lockit -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 7:15:03 PM)
This sounds like a situation some time back where the parents paid the rent for sister and brother and they didn't get along. I would go to the girlfriend and explain to her that she is welcome there, but you can't afford to replace the food she eats and ask her to please consider your situation. The brother is most likely going to yell and isn't doing anything about it. He may yell becasue you mentioned it to the girlfriend... but maybe not. Another angle is if she is going to be there and has a key, then she is a third in the roommate situation and ought to be paying her way. If you can't go that route... I would have my dry goods and things that don't need to be in the fridge in my room and a lock on my bedroom door. Then I wouldn't shop for much all at the same time and keep little in there. Surely wouldn't shop and then go away. If you can't move or change the situation you have to get creative in adjusting to it.

PanthersMom -> RE: trying... (4/30/2009 8:32:28 PM)
you can try the craigslist in your area or freecycle and look for a small dorm size fridge, we bought one awhile back and had it upstairs in our bedroom while we were recovering from some medical problems we had and couldn't go up and down to the kitchen. made life nice and convenient. lock your little fridge in the bedroom, along with any non-perishables and keep the key to yourself. your brother should be feeding the bottomless pit himself! PM

Vendaval -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 12:39:14 AM)
I would try talking with both of them together in a calm manner. She may not be fully aware of the problems the situation is creating for you. If that fails resort to storing the food in your room or a locking cabinet/fridge in the garage, etc.

breatheasone -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 1:44:28 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SteelofUtah quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone He got it at walmart for about 300.00 and walmart does have a lay-a-way program i believe. No, They no longer do it went away at least on the entire west coast the christmas before last. They say that a Gift Card is just as good as Lay-away except there is no guarantee that you will get that exact product. Steel Well darn, ok...i haven't used lay a way in a number of years but when my kids were small (they are in their 20's now) it was a life saver, especially at school clothes time and Christmas.

Irishknight -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 5:16:34 AM)
I always find that the direct approach is the best. Speak calmly but firmly. Do not back down. If the situation gets out of control, let it die. Then keep everything you buy in your room under lock and key. If you have to share a fridge, find a container with a lock to put things in before you store them. There is no way you will be seen as not being rude even though they are stealing from you. Remember, a thief hates it when you call them a thief. They will be pissed by the reminders. If they are doing it without thinking, they may come around after a bit and realize how they treated you. My brother stayed in the same house with me for three months and never paid a dime of rent to me. He always had an excuse as to why he couldn't pay. He was always able to go to Pizza Hutt but not to pay rent. He also never bought groceries but he ate everything I had stored in my pantry before I kicked him out. I still love my brother but he is an inconsiderate asshole who will never live under my roof again. According to him, I am the unreasonable bastard. It is a system that works well for us.

MadAxeman -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 7:10:33 AM)
Tupperware style containers don't cost much. Get a few in the same colour and state clearly that what is in them is yours. It's a subtle point, but no mistakes are possible if she has to choose to open the containers. Alternatively a cashbox big enough for a few items with a lock would fit in the fridge and end temptation for good.

DesFIP -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 11:05:26 AM)
Don't waste time being polite, if they were being polite they wouldn't do it. Having treated you rudely, you should now respond in kind. Don't buy stuff for the fridge if you aren't going to be there. Do keep every non fridge item in your room under lock and key. Do save up for a small fridge and freezer for your room. Even a dorm size one would work. KMart has a dorm size one with a small freezer for $140.

DemonKia -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 11:46:35 AM)
FR All of the above is good stuff, try all that first. If being reasonable, patient, & all that is not working for you, you might consider my case: I pay the rent here, but the place is a crash pad for all kinds of family members. I also buy most of the groceries. I tolerate supporting some of them cuz they've got tinier incomes than I & are going to school, etc. Some of them have similar incomes or greater than I, & don't contribute. I have had reasonable convos, spelled out the realities. When that doesn't seem to be going anywhere, I just start using the 'mooch' & 'leech' words. People really don't like those. One moved out last fall after I got really annoyed about this issue & just quit being nice about the whole thing & used the 'mooch' & 'leech' words pretty liberally around her, in a scathing & or otherwise annoyed manner. I stayed in a calm, reasonably rational head-space but I also refused to budge from the head-space of feeling used & communicating that feeling whenever it seemed appropriate. Sometimes, some people take advantage of the 'niceness' of others; that's when the 'nice' person can look at letting go of some of that nice stuff & start learning to be appropriately selfish & hard-nosed . . . . Thank the universe for giving you this life lesson, it's both a tough & an important one . .. . . [:D]

FullfigRIMAAM1 -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 11:51:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Vendaval I would try talking with both of them together in a calm manner. She may not be fully aware of the problems the situation is creating for you. If that fails resort to storing the food in your room or a locking cabinet/fridge in the garage, etc. This is more my type of advice, and behavior. M

CalifChick -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 4:08:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28 I'm trying to find a polite way to ask my roomate (who is also my brother) to not have his girlfriend let herself into the house My roommates and I (over the years) have always had a rule... if you're not paying rent, you don't get a key. If you don't have a key, you don't get to walk in (meaning you have to knock and wait for someone to open the door). On the other hand, if you're home, and she's just walking in, why aren't you keeping the door locked? So... this one seems easy, "Brother, I'm not comfortable with anyone, including your girlfriend, just letting themselves in like they live here. Would you ask her to stop, or would you like me to?" Cali

InTonguesslut -> RE: trying... (5/1/2009 4:52:21 PM)
You two really shouldn't be living together and yes i know moving out is not an option but it doesn't change it. Wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too much drama between you's. This isn't your first thread about your evil brother lol. Oh and before anyone says it aint satyrs causing the drama, be it him or her its still drama.

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