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Draciron -> Draciron's cross BDSM axis mapping (2/3/2006 12:53:53 AM)
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I have injected a great deal of opinion and assumptions into this initial draft. I fully expect to get flamed for many aspects correct and especially for any flaws. I do hope that later revisions of this become something useful in BDSM education. Folks are free to republish this as long as they keep in the credits contrbutions by myself and others as well as distinguishing variations upon the last revision posted by me or any future maintainers.
The Axis of the BDSM (Draciron's cross)
For starters, Draciron's cross as I call it, because I am Draciron and I am the first that I know of to tackle this subject is not really a cross at all. It is more like a four dimensional object of variable shape and size. I just like the BDSM and non-BDSM implications of a cross and chose the name for those reasons rather than an actual shape representation.
A really crude diagram of it might be.
Power exchange
Sensuality/Sexuality Rituals/Punishment/pain
Intimacy
Companionship
Peerage
-----------Non axis base----------
Challenge
Intensity
Kink
What BDSM means is different for pretty much everybody you ask. I have known Doms/subs for whom BDSM has absolutely no sexual meaning at all. They thrived on the PE and pain aspects. For others it is a love of rituals and some it is the intense intimacy that is almost only possible through BDSM. For most it is a cross section of many factors. Thus it is represented as a cross. Some of the factors can be contradictions. For silk scarf subs pain is abhorrent and it is the PE and sensuality they desire, or at least those are the driving factors with sub factors still being a major part of their kink. Perhaps a need to be perverted, to do something different was what led somebody to investigate BDSM. Once enthralled it became part of them for other reasons.
Draciron's cross (I'm so humble) is merely a mapping of these factors. A way of explaining to those in and out of the kink what BDSM really is as well as an understanding of who you are in a relative way. BDSM is really far too much to take in with a single glance. Even the most simple pain slut lives the BDSM lifestyle for more than a good whipping.
Power exchange is the great axis of BDSM. It is in fact one that is by definition is required for BDSM to exist. Even the most subtle BDSM relationship where two switches will trade places requires that one be on top at any given moment, or at least a third party whether physically manifested or virtually exerts a level of control has to exist. TPE is the sweetest drink of all for many involved in BDSM. This tends to be also a major distinction line. The terms Master and Dom tend to blur a little in definition partially in an attempt to define parts of this axis. Dom is a generic term for all dominants. Master's tend to be a term for the those who exert more control than "Doms" as in weekend players. Most 24/7 Dom's are Masters. They crave that total control or they are made Masters by subs who crave a Master's hand. Master also tends to be used to distinguish experience in BDSM. A confusion we will not address here.
So on the extreme end tend to be Slavers as I'll call them. Masters who literally live the life and often command harems which they trade members of back and forth with other Slavers and derive a living off of the lifestyle. These people are rare and doing such does not make them any more expert than the Dom who does BDSM sessions with a Nilla wife every other weekend. Expertise is a term so relative that in BDSM terms it is almost meaningless yet so touted and essential. The weekend only Dom tends to be an example of the opposite end of the BDSM spectrum. Many lifestylers seem to feel a sort of contempt for part time players, considering them less than. This is sad, presumptuous and a conviction of the lack of thought they have put into the subject. If you enjoy BDSM, that is partake on a regular basis of the lifestyle you are not greater or lessor by the frequency of such imbibing. Does what you do work for you? Are the constituents happy? Is it right for those involved? That is what is important. By shunning such low intensity members of our comunity we lose some potentially interesting voices. We lose political empowerment and may even drive some from the lifestyle completely. Think about that for a moment. What if you were robbed of the lifestyle. Forced to be Nilla. Can you picture the torment? (Sadist's reading this quit licking your chops) It is also hypocritical as no matter how intense you are there is somebody out there even more intense in their application of BDSM. Does this make you less than them?
Humiliation tends to be one of the major axis points of BDSM. Humiliation might be an expression of TPE, more often it is an inner need for one to humble another and for another to be humbled. It is most often manifested in things such as name calling and what is typically seen as abusive behavior. This has been the bane of many BDSM meetings as for others humiliation is to be made to crawl across the floor with a crop in their mouth. Boot licking, many Gorian positions and public usage are often used as means of humiliation. So in a way every BDSM relationship contains an element of humiliation. Humiliation being the humbling of one to another. How that is expressed tends to be the problem when a play session goes badly. One of the most vivid examples for me is a horror story of a subbie who went to meet a Dom whom she had so many high hopes was the one. Upon entering the hotel room he verbally berated her and made her stand at attention. This was entirely inappropriate behavior given this particular sub. I have also seen subbies who love this behavior and have actually asked for a Dom who will do this. The beat me, whip me call me bad names subbie if you will.
I tend to classify it as overt and subvert humiliation. Overt being the name calling, writing slut in candle wax upon a sub's body and making her walk into a room buck naked. Subverted humiliation would be collar and lead, kneeling before a Master, especially in private. Humiliation being not attacks on the ego but gestures of control and power. This is the key difference between the two. Many a novice Dom has failed to understand this distinction to the great loss of both subbie and Dom. I would love to see BDSM personals distinguish between such to save many problematic meetings.
Pain, torment, infliction of cruelty, discipline, whips, floggers, canes and other most excellent inflicter's. Mmmmm... Oh yeah where were we? Another major axis of BDSM is pain. The Pain slut and the silk scarfer being well known and common extremes on this axis. Many subbies really don't like pain. They will suffer it to demonstrate a love of their Dom and as a matter of submitting to discipline. For others, pain is the reason to exist. If they can walk from a sessions unaided and the color of their skin has not changed several shades over portions of their body it was not a memorable session. I've seen a number of pain sluts love pain even over sex. You have probably seen at least one ad about a subbie who will endure sex if they have to in which to gain the pain they need. Most subbies fall somewhere between these two extremes. The Willo wimps are sometimes my favorites. You know the ones that say you want to do WHAT??? Then of course presented in the right way the subbie cannot wait to repeat the experience.
With Doms there are Sadists and non-Sadists. Inflicting pain does not bring enjoyment to many Dom's. They do so as an aspect of the power exchange and enforcement of will. Other Dom's find excuses to inflict pain for pain's sake. Sometimes to the point like a pain slut that sex is not even desirable.
Intimacy is another major axis. Many people crave or abhor intimacy. This is surprisingly not drawn along the traditional gender/role lines. Many very strong Masters will crave love and intimacy as much as a traditional Story of O subbie. On the flip side many subbies could care less about love, just show them the crop and do evil things to them. Many women will serve only a man they love. Others think love is an unnecessary complication. It is common for BDSM LTRs to become marriages with every bit as much love as the ideal nilla relationship. I say ideal because BDSM tears down so many of the barriers which make love so difficult in Nilla world. Roles are pre-defined. No head butting going on. There are willfull slaves, however in the end or as often ON the end of such a slave there is an application of who is boss. Without such artificial hindrances, love and intimacy have a more fertile ground in which to breed. The intensity of BDSM is nitrous to an already volatile combination. What makes it even more intense is that the greater the TPE the more vulnerable the sub is. So the last barriers to love are gone. I am not talking about Gorian physical manifestations of TPE. I am talking about emotional and sensual manifestations combined with the raw power that fires the brew which is a relationship. On the opposite side Gorian's tend to eschew intimacy as a rule. I have seen Gorians instead embrace it, however basic Gorian tenants objectify the slave. This creates a barrier that many Master and slave alike feel more comfortable with. A wall which inhibits intimacy. Formalities which silence a stray dalliance. Another example of the opposite end tends to be the Dom's in the weekend sense. They often do not practice TPE to the extent or exert enough power to break down a sub's deep barriers. To make he/she bare the soul and give up the last vestige of resistance.
BDSM is far from confined to traditional relationships. For example same sex heterosexual BDSM is likely to include little sex but could include an almost maternal intimacy. I have seen ads by people who get off being spanked and don't care who does it. When I say get off it means by either or or both sexual or non-sexual. So forms of intimacy is another sub access. Daddy type Dom's being a clear cut example of the paternal form of intimacy.
Rituals are often used to either inhibit or encourage intimacy. The goal of the ritual is manifested in the means and content of the ritual. A love of ritual is deffinitely a predominant axis in BDSM. In fact in at least one list group it turned out that a majority of the members had ritualistic religious backgrounds. Few in BDSM abhor rituals. Even many weekenders will occasionally play with a ritual even if it's only during specialized role play.
Sensual/sexual is another major axis that sees most members of the comunity towards one end. Most BDSM relationships involve sex of some sort. It is not a requirement but why not? If you have her tied up, spread wide to receive you, why not partake? Seriously, BDSM combined with sex can create sex so powerfull that normal Nilla sex is unendurably boring afterwards. BDSM can salvage the enjoyment of sex for sexual abuse/rape victims. It can take normal sex and super charge it. BDSM is for many not just sex but sex with the whole body. Forplay is a Nilla attempt to mimic a pale imitation of BDSM. Sensuality is often combined with pain and TPE to brew a mix that stirred with imagination is a magic elixir of such strength, none could withstand it's impact. BDSM means adding anticipation. Fear, dread, the exploration of body and soul during sex. It is role playing, injecting imagination, injecting the right dose of various supporting emotions. Which is right for a given individual is different. Play rape is a major dividing line. Many subbies love it. Many detest it and find it far too close to the real thing. Some do not want to think about anything before and during play including some Dom's. So sensuality/sexuality is an axis with many sub axis points on it. Or you could represent it as a part of the cross with many sub crosses on it.
A minor BDSM axis is compansionship. Many people in BDSM are people who might fit well in Nilla society on Nilla's rather easy to obtain standards but who feel unfulfilled by Nilla's hypocrisy, stagnation and repression. BDSM is one of many comunities which by nature allow a person to exhibit kinks in their personalities. Eccentricities are valued in BDSM lands normally. Morality tends to be of a higher standard and can be less hypocritical. BDSM unfortunately also draws a social crowd which can be quite cliquish. Bereft of traditional personal value attributes new ones are made up. It might be one's political values, it might an exaggerated sense of open mindedness. It might be wealth/standing. It can be derived of very many things. Some of these societies build up elaborate codes of behavior and mores building fully functional sub-societies to replace a deficient primary society. Some even build anti-societies. That is they feeling outcast because of kink and eccentricities attempt to make up for intolerance by inflicting a new form of intolerance upon others. A sort of monkey see monkey do. Others create free flowing non-judgemental groups. Sometimes to the extreme that the only sin is to hold a cherished opinion. Good or bad there are many BDSM societies out there. Often there is one for those who seek the company of others and the sense of brethren that practicing a forbidden kink brings.
On the flip side are the solo artists. The extreme practice of this would be the constant hunt for play partners attempting to form almost no social bonds with anybody in the comunity at all. This might be a dislike of often hypocritical societies, it might be because of Nilla concerns of embarrassment, it could be because they simply do not like people. Whatever the case these people define the opposite extreme of a BDSM axis.
fetishes - BDSM gives free license for many fetishes. Some practice as many as they can possibly discover. Others beyond core BDSM skills do not indulge in any. Most ply somewhere in between on the Fetish axis. Fetishes include scat, Rubber/latex, certain types of role play and exhibitionism as some examples. Some can be quite grotesque, others are fetishes only because they are carried to an extreme, some are normal accepted parts of BDSM society. Few participate in BDSM without indulging at least a few fetishes from time to time.
Now that we've defined many of the major axis points of BDSM it comes time to figure out what your Draciron's cross will look like. A well rounded individual might have something looking more like a Maltese cross with sub crosses to denote sub axis points. A solo pain slut will look more like a blob on one side. Others might lose an entire branch as they embrace both pain and sensuality becoming more like an Ankh in shape. What it looks like is not really important. Understanding yours and your partner or potential partner's is. The humiliation axis is an example of a crucial axis, however pain can be as well. The sudden application of pain far beyond normal usage even in an established relationship can become abuse. The denial of punishment can be a punishment far worse than any physical pain. So understanding the core axis is more usefull than attempting to derive it from a checklist. Individual points in a checklist can give clues.
The blurring of definitions can also lead to confusion and unpleasant side effects. Asphyxiation being an example. Many subs like to be grasped by the neck and even receive mild constriction of breath. This is a whole different thing from actual asphyxiation which is another commonly enjoyed kink. There is often much confusion between the terms and most checklists treat both as the same thing. Choking as I like to refer to is (grasphing of the throat and mild breath constriction) is often a display of being under another's power. Asphyxiation tends to be a separate physical kink which is even commonly practiced in Nilla land. During the 80s it was a fad which led to a few accidental deaths. It is also a source of meeting horror stories. Novice Doms believing literally in interests and checklists without exploring in advance what a subbie means by a given term can often trigger safe words or scare a sub into abuse as I call it. A traumatized state where safe words were long ago passed. Some subbies will leave the lifestyle for years or permanently because of an intentional abuse or an abuse. Most tend to be accidental even though the Dom is raked over the coal in various circles for committing barbaric acts in the name of BDSM. The confused Dom accuses the subbie of being a fake or neurotic not understanding why they are upset. This happens almost exclusively with inexperienced or unperceptive Doms. The inexperienced will get better the unperceptive runs the risk of accidentally killing or seriously injuring a subbie because of unwillingness or inability to read a sub. It can still happen to the most experienced and attentive Masters however but that is rare.
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