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Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 3:12:38 PM

CeeSea

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Hi everyone on CM.

I am a switch who mostly (about 80%) leans towards the sub side of things. We are only sub/dom in the bedroom; it doesnt move into other parts of our life.

At the best of times im very Mecurial and some days some things will work in getting me into the submissive frame of mind, and a few days later it wont. This is understandably quite frustrating for me as I really enjoy it most when in the proper mindset. As such im hoping to nail down some constants

So far Ive tried going into the session with no preperation, collar, being chained up and these work sporadically.

As im fairly new to this I was wondering what helps you subs get into the right mindset/character when going into a session and/or during a session.

Any advice tips and senarios would be most welcome.

Cee

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 3:28:59 PM

InTonguesslut

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quote:

As im fairly new to this I was wondering what helps you subs get into the right mindset/character when going into a session and/or during a session.

Mindset / character? I'm a slave by nature so i don't need to get in a mind set it comes natural. I don't get this get into mindset / character stuff. You either are or you aren't in my opinion.

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 4:37:12 PM

EchoMirage

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she said its just in the bedroom. not daily life, and obviously not her nature. shes trying to get into the mood in the bedroom. at least thats what i got from it.

if youre really having trouble 'getting in the mood', then perhaps its not as important to you after all. what is in your session. just play with toys, or is there mental d/s, following orders, etc. i had a sub that with just a nice spanking, her mood changed and she was in subspace. maybe youre trying to jump into a serious d/s scene, soley in the bedroom, without being mentally in the game. and if thats true, then maybe you should try something else, like just playing instead of some heavier mental d/s, if thats what you do.

maybe more detail about what your sessions or play times include, and how you want to feel or think you should be feeling during them, would help.

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 5:03:28 PM

cpK69

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What you are referring to, in my case, is personality combined with perspective, it just is.

However, I suspect, if there were a time I was not in the mood, and Sir was; if he were to walk up to me; grab a handful of hair, pulling my head back; slapped my face judiciously; then pointed at the floor, indicating he wanted me to kneel; I’d be there.

Kim

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 5:20:08 PM

CeeSea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: InTonguesslut

quote:

As im fairly new to this I was wondering what helps you subs get into the right mindset/character when going into a session and/or during a session.

Mindset / character? I'm a slave by nature so i don't need to get in a mind set it comes natural. I don't get this get into mindset / character stuff. You either are or you aren't in my opinion.

Because your a slave addressing a switch. A switch by definition plays two roles and characters. Also as mentioned in the original post, this is kept to the bedroom, so I suppose thats three characters and mindsets. You dont "get into" it because you are one all the time. So a conflict based around struggling to stay in a character wouldn't make sense to you.

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 5:21:43 PM

CeeSea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cpK69

What you are referring to, in my case, is personality combined with perspective, it just is.

However, I suspect, if there were a time I was not in the mood, and Sir was; if he were to walk up to me; grab a handful of hair, pulling my head back; slapped my face judiciously; then pointed at the floor, indicating he wanted me to kneel; I’d be there.

Kim

Thanks for the tip!

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 5:35:59 PM

CeeSea

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So I suppose an elaboration on my earlier request would be that I want to know what people do, pre-session and during, to help themselves stay "within the mental Game submissively"

So I want to know what works for others, a simple genesis of ideas. Worry less about where Im coming from/what im doing and tell me about your experiences/methods and tips.

And saying it just happens, so since its not, you are not is a huge assist. Either help or dont. I suspect this is more a question for the submissives than the slaves. They really should split those two.

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 6:03:30 PM

Andalusite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CeeSea
Because your a slave addressing a switch. A switch by definition plays two roles and characters.

Actually, that's not the case. I'm a switch, but have been in a 5 year relationship as a Domme, and a 3 year relationship as a submissive. I wasn't playing a role in either case, and certainly not playing both simultaneously. I'm just capable of either one, or an egalitarian kinky relationship as a top, bottom, or switch without D/s.

Getting my hair pulled does tend to put me in a submissive mood, as does a nice bite on the back of the neck.

Hmm, maybe a more gradual transition would help, starting out with just some cuddling and sensation play? Are there any play forms that bring on an endorphin rush for you right away, even if they don't necessarily make you feel submissive? For example, the sensory overload after wearing a hood for 10 minutes or so is enough to warm me up pretty well all by itself, while he gets toys and such arranged.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 5/1/2009 6:06:20 PM >

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 6:11:51 PM

CeeSea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

quote:

ORIGINAL: CeeSea
Because your a slave addressing a switch. A switch by definition plays two roles and characters.

Actually, that's not the case. I'm a switch, but have been in a 5 year relationship as a Domme, and a 3 year relationship as a submissive. I wasn't playing a role in either case, and certainly not playing both simultaneously. I'm just capable of either one, or an egalitarian kinky relationship as a top, bottom, or switch without D/s.

Getting my hair pulled does tend to put me in a submissive mood, as does a nice bite on the back of the neck. Hmm, maybe a more gradual transition would help, starting out with just some cuddling and sensation play? Are there any play forms that bring on an endorphin rush for you right away, even if they don't necessarily make you feel submissive? For example, the sensory overload after wearing a hood for 10 minutes or so is enough to warm me up pretty well all by itself, while he gets toys and such arranged.

In my quote, it was more meant to illustrate to someone who defined themselves as a "Slave by nature" why they had difficulty understanding my predicament. So apologies to the switches out there, my mistake.

Thanks for your ideas though! Some good stuff there.

< Message edited by CeeSea -- 5/1/2009 6:13:46 PM >

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 6:22:55 PM

Andalusite

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Great! I hope a couple of them work out for you. Honestly, I tend to be more of a top/bottom switch than into D/s, so when I *have* been in a D/s relationship, I had a very strong emotional pull that way just being around the other person. So, I haven't really had to worry about that particular issue as much, but I certainly do feel more submissive when I get certain kinds of physical play or tone of voice or look, than when we're just cuddling up watching TV or something.

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/1/2009 6:27:40 PM

CeeSea

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Andalusite

Great! I hope a couple of them work out for you. Honestly, I tend to be more of a top/bottom switch than into D/s, so when I *have* been in a D/s relationship, I had a very strong emotional pull that way just being around the other person. So, I haven't really had to worry about that particular issue as much, but I certainly do feel more submissive when I get certain kinds of physical play or tone of voice or look, than when we're just cuddling up watching TV or something.

Interesting, I would definately say being ordered around is one of my few constants - which I hope to add to in the near future.

But anyways its late here so im off to bed :P

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/2/2009 11:57:00 AM

DesFIP

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It's hard to come home at the end of the day, leave work and house chores behind and snap into sex kitten mode.

Would it help if you took a hot bath or went out for a run? Knelt for ten minutes while meditating? Repeated a mantra? Basically what do you need to decompress?

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/2/2009 1:55:59 PM

ranja

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We might talk about someting we might want to do days before we do it...i might have to explain in detail what i like to experience which i find quite embarrassing and also makes me think about it more graphicly rather than just a promise of a session in which whatever might happen, there seems more anticipation...He will have precice insight in my fantasy and wishes but He will play things as He sees fit. It might be considered by some as sort of topping from the bottom but i do not think it is really

I might have to prepare everything...ropes, toys, towels...make the bedroom or the living room nice, light candles

He might tell me exactly what to wear and all the time i clean myself and dress myself for Him i prepare myself for Him i get more...open...He might watch if he so choses

The moment i am on my knees taking His shoes off i always feel like kissing His feet

When He pulls my hair is just great

Having my skin heated by slapping with His hand or flogger gets me going

If i start losing the feeling the best thing to recover it with for me is with humor and i am very lucky that he can always make me laugh

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RE: Advice about getting into submissive mindset. - 5/2/2009 2:46:07 PM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CeeSea

Hi everyone on CM.

I am a switch who mostly (about 80%) leans towards the sub side of things. We are only sub/dom in the bedroom; it doesnt move into other parts of our life.

At the best of times im very Mecurial and some days some things will work in getting me into the submissive frame of mind, and a few days later it wont. This is understandably quite frustrating for me as I really enjoy it most when in the proper mindset. As such im hoping to nail down some constants

So far Ive tried going into the session with no preperation, collar, being chained up and these work sporadically.

As im fairly new to this I was wondering what helps you subs get into the right mindset/character when going into a session and/or during a session.

Any advice tips and senarios would be most welcome.

You can't just slip into sub-space because your overall mindset is all "wrong".

I've found D/s works best when the Dom/me leads and sets the desired standards of behaviour etc, which leaves the sub to do what comes easy and natural to them - to do as they're told or been taught.... So no, my girl is under no pressure to get into sub mode or submissive mindset etc because I do that for her - by doing what comes easy and natural to us Doms - taking charge!

I would imagine a sub trying to will themself into a submissive mindset has about as much success as a stressed or distracted male willing themself to have an erection. Being submissive only 80% of the time and only in the bedroom etc doesn't exactly develop a natural mindset of deferring to another's overall will.

Perhaps you've outgrown your part time switch mindset and need more structure (and instruction) to.... errrr...., "get it up"? Dunno how that'll work with your current partner so I'll bail out here.... lol

Focus.

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