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Lost the spark? - 5/4/2009 4:29:59 AM   
Sunnyfey


Posts: 1436
Joined: 9/21/2007
From: OK
Status: offline 		Do you ever sometimes feel like maybe you have lost the spark to your submission? Not that you don't WANT or NEED to still be submissive, but just that..I don't know.  Like real life gets in the way, and then after you come back as it were to your submission, it doesn't feel quite the same happy happy joy joy as it used to? Like the high is missing....that's it. The high you get from just being owned. How do you get that back? It's not that I love him less, infact I love him MORE. But, somethings missing. He still acts the same as before, we still do the same things, and even some new things. He treat me well, He provides everything I need. But that nebulous thing.....is gone.(edit to add through no fault of His, its just shit  and life got in the way.)

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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/4/2009 5:07:48 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		Relationships and people go through highs and lows.  You are in a low right now.

Tell him about it.  You're his possession; he needs to know.

I suspect a change of routine may help,  Go out for an ice cream with him.  Do a different activity, especially a physical one.  Get something done that's been bugging you for a while.  You get the idea.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/4/2009 8:04:33 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		How long have you been together?
I have been through dips several times in my married life...i loathe the dips but realisticly know that being on a high all the time is impossible for long time relationships as you need to beable to deal with the lows to grow...maybe you need a holiday together or each appart, maybe you need to find a hobby or something to have something new of your own...maybe a cyber fling? careful there though...maybe even a real fling? be even more careful with that though...maybe go dancing together or you alone?
Maybe just be patient and sit it out?
good luck

edit to add
Yes you can get it back!

< Message edited by ranja -- 5/4/2009 8:05:18 AM >

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/4/2009 6:01:28 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		It sounds like time to break down a wall.  It doesn't matter whose and may even be better if it is one that has been shared for a long time.  Go away to yourselves and simply tear it down.  Work hard at it, struggle together, fight for it a bit.  When you come out the other side successfully, you will have come to appreciate each other more and have a whole new world opened that you can now explore.  When stagnation sets in, it is time to churn the waters and pump something fresh into your relationship.

Sometimes a spark is easier reclaimed than others.  Have you just watched him quietly as he slept or fussed over the bills or some other private time?  Just take some time to remember what his presence in your life means to you.  As others have mentioned, sit and talk to him about your concerns and find a way through it together.  Relationships are not just fun and good times.  They are hard work and sacrifice at times as well.  I wish you both all my best!

lovingpet

(in reply to ranja)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/6/2009 11:49:28 AM   
elegantgem


Posts: 3
Joined: 12/9/2008
Status: offline 		maybe you need to find a hobby or something to have something new of your own...maybe a cyber fling? careful there though...maybe even a real fling?
 
Seriously? Your advice is have an affair? *smh*

No wonder monogamy is a dying thing :(

(in reply to ranja)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/10/2009 5:51:45 PM   
DeViLiVeD


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		Maybe you've reached a comfort zone in your relationship where everything is like a routine. Maybe you can try breaking it off (routine) by taking time-outs from time to time? Not really sure about your situation so just chipping in based on what I understand.

(in reply to elegantgem)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/10/2009 9:28:18 PM   
KoolnSassy


Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Sunnyfey

Do you ever sometimes feel like maybe you have lost the spark to your submission? Not that you don't WANT or NEED to still be submissive, but just that..I don't know.  Like real life gets in the way, and then after you come back as it were to your submission, it doesn't feel quite the same happy happy joy joy as it used to? Like the high is missing....that's it. The high you get from just being owned. How do you get that back? It's not that I love him less, infact I love him MORE. But, somethings missing. He still acts the same as before, we still do the same things, and even some new things. He treat me well, He provides everything I need. But that nebulous thing.....is gone.(edit to add through no fault of His, its just shit  and life got in the way.)


I'd say, that's just life. I'd talk with your D about it though. Maybe it's time to take a step up in protocol or something, maybe not. Most of the time though that's what happens - relationships feel exciting, wonderful etc. and then the sizzle starts to fizzle. That's when I think it's time to take a look at what's going on and see if something needs and can be done together. If one person attempts to change things and the other doesn't, it only leads to frustration.

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KoolnSassy

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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/12/2009 5:14:30 AM   
CatdeMedici


Posts: 2257
Joined: 10/20/2008
Status: offline 		Relationships ebb and flow, they can't always be the "bang, pop, whistle", sometimes that are just the security of "ahhhh". What it looked like in the first few months or years is no way what it will look or feel like, 5 or 10 years in.

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"Let's see-whips, dips, chains, chips, yep sounds like a party to Me!"

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/15/2009 3:04:25 PM   
EmelineRose


Posts: 38
Joined: 5/12/2009
Status: offline 		I think it's just part of being human.  We all have moods, sometimes get depressed, anxious, tired, whatever.  I'd say just give yourself some time.  If the spark was there before there's a good chance it will rekindle.

Best of luck!

(in reply to Sunnyfey)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Lost the spark? - 5/15/2009 3:51:02 PM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Sounds like you're depressed because of all the life stresses. A vacation would be excellent to help destress. Even a weekend away from home and housework would help. A picnic at a lake.

Let stuff slide for a bit, spend your energies reconnecting. If you don't nurture yourself, you won't have the strength to nurture someone else.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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RE: Lost the spark? - 5/15/2009 6:21:49 PM   
Miwsi


Posts: 35
Joined: 2/25/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: elegantgem

maybe you need to find a hobby or something to have something new of your own...maybe a cyber fling? careful there though...maybe even a real fling?
 
Seriously? Your advice is have an affair? *smh*

No wonder monogamy is a dying thing :(


Seriously.

(in reply to elegantgem)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Lost the spark? - 5/15/2009 11:59:06 PM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		why is it impossible for you to be content and find joy in the fact that you are owned, have someone that cares for you, and provides, and has given you the life you've always wanted? how sad that there must be a high of sorts to make you feel elation. when the very things you said would bring a smile to a face lacking what you have but seem a little ho hum about.

there isn't anything wrong. you have settled into a comfortable routine. maintaining the spark in a relationship takes effort. what have you done or attempted to do to infuse the thing you feel is missing? sometimes real life steps in and we aren't floating on a cloud. yet you will find that if you have both elements, the highs and the stability, the relationship is balanced and truly satisfying.

examine your life and consider when you've had a "good time." at some point you long for quiet, rest, and what have you. no one can maintain an excitable state all the time. i see this as a great opportunity to try something new, maybe do the things you've wanted to but were too busy to get around to doing. it is inherently possible that you've looked to him to provide a spark that you lacked on your own. as with anything the more you put in the more you'll get out. rather than looking to him try turning your gaze within to see what you could do yourself. you may discover this isn't about the two of you at all. but something you need to address on your own. good luck.

porcelaine


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His will; my fate.

(in reply to Miwsi)
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