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RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/5/2009 3:55:25 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		hmm, its a tricky one.  for myself id hate it. not my thing.

but a couple of weeks ago i got this email from a sub guy who wanted to be verbally humiliated for his very small cock.  i tend more towards trying to make people feel better about themselves and so i wrote to him saying encouraging things and trying to be diplomatic.  he wrote back and said.  no i really want to be humiliated over it, its what i want.

to you and me and others like us it does seem distructive and the absolute opposite of how you would talk to someone.  but for some they really want it.

if it isnt an agreed thing and the sub has found herself with a D who is an emotional sadist then they are almost certainly in the wrong relationship.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/5/2009 4:12:42 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		If they have a slave who agrees to it, then yea, they can call them anything they want. That is why it is a good idea to know the person and what they expect before you accept their collar.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/5/2009 4:19:33 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

Im speaking in general since the topic was a subject for discussion the other evening. The Dom I was talking to just said if I like to do it,shes gotta put up,done.
But as what I know most women dont like to be called fat fx,day out and day in..  according to him,it was too late to change their mind. Even though if she happened to enjoy it first.


No such thing as too late.  Worth talking over with your partner to find a middle ground, but it is never too late to change your mind.  Honestly, if someone ever told me it was too late to change my mind, I would point out to them that it isn't too late to show them the door and if they moved fast enough, my foot might not get caught in their ass on the way out.

Any alleged "dom" should never take lightly his sub/slave telling them that something is too emotionally harmful for them to bear.  Sometimes, we think something sounds great until it becomes reality and we realize that it isn't nearly as hot as our fantasy was.  In a good relationship, that needs to be addressed and dealt with.  How it gets dealt with is between the people involved.  But as I said, there is no such thing as too late, as long as reality is we still live in a free world.

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/5/2009 4:23:09 PM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		In the bedroom/dungeon, I'm his slut, cunt, fucktoy, etc, which might be derrogatory in some contexts.  In public only if it is whispered in my ear.  He doesn't call me fat, as it isn't something he would choose to push my buttons with, though it is certainly true.  He wouldn't choose someone lazy or stupid, so those words would be silly and would really denigrate his choice as a Master as much as they would me, so, not so much our deal. Whatever anyone else chooses to do is their perogative.

(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/5/2009 5:54:23 PM   
DeViLiVeD


Posts: 37
Joined: 1/5/2009
Status: offline 		I guess all M/s relationships are individualistic. If its an issue for you then you should lay it out at the very beginning. Whether it should/should not be done depends on the people involved. It all boils down to how much you communicate with your master/mistress and how much both of you understand each other.

(in reply to beltainefaerie)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 1:11:37 AM   
Goddess2002


Posts: 226
Joined: 2/29/2008
Status: offline 		Just curious...but what about the premise that a slave has no choice? I can see a Dom/sub negotiation, but a Master/slave? I know of a Dom who accepts no negotiation and if the slave under consideration expresses ANY limits they are dismissed. Sounds harsh to me, but is it actually realistic when talking about slavery?

(in reply to DeViLiVeD)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 3:56:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Someone who waits until after you took the collar to start being verbally abusive all the time is someone who merits having that collar handed right back. This is a classic bait and switch operation.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 4:07:41 AM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave

And ..I mean.. even if you happen to enjoy whatever is said, if it is very negative, is it possible your mind wont take it that way, in the long run?? as i can see its a veryy thin line.


I think this is a good point. Even if a person likes being called  fat and ugly I think eventually it's going to have a negative affect on the psyche.  But of course, people are free to do this stuff however they like.   Bottom line is it's never too late to change your mind.  If you (generic) don't like it, or if you feel it's detrimental, sure, the "slave" can unslave itself and walk, collar or not.   Dom/master might think it's his right to name call or whathaveyou, but the fact is if the other party isn't feeling fulfilled or comfortable in the relationship, they most likely won't hang around.

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 4:32:04 AM   
SaintSavant


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/25/2009
Status: offline 		Whatever happened to limits?

Any Dom/me should know from early negotiations whether those names have a place in the relationship. Sure, there are subs who identify as pigsluts and get off on being called fat, but for the most part going there is entering unhealthy headfuck territory. And the old chestnut that a Master/Mistress can do anything he wants without negotiation (or at least tacit approval) doesn't really hold water with most people.

Ack... got on a soapbox for a second there. Suffice to say that I think its a rocky road.

(in reply to marie2)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 4:42:37 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

Just curious...but what about the premise that a slave has no choice? I can see a Dom/sub negotiation, but a Master/slave? I know of a Dom who accepts no negotiation and if the slave under consideration expresses ANY limits they are dismissed. Sounds harsh to me, but is it actually realistic when talking about slavery?


How many slaves does this dom own?

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Goddess2002)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 4:49:45 AM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		Master often refers to his property as slut, whore, dog; at times he has even referred to zaphira as ignorant, silly, clueless; not to mention a few other names. It does not offend zaphira because she knows that Master cares for her, no matter what name he chooses to use.
When zaphira begged his collar, she gave her owner the right to call his property anything he chose.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 5:07:03 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		**non-consensual = ABUSE

**24-7 /LTR.= a LONG term relationship ..

*CAN THEY?  yes
*WILL THEY? yes
*SHOULD THEY?...it has to be negotiated and COMMUNICATED BEFORE the 24-7..what were the expectations..? terms? contract? discussions?
HOW DOES THIS DOM SEE SLAVERY?
WHAT IS THE CRITERIA FOR BEING HIS SLAVE?
What did YOU enter into??

THIS whole "you said NO LIMITs" thing is really a gray area( for me anywya) and may be VERY clear to others( who therefore would then discuss in a mature and knowledgable BDSM way)..
I would hazzard a guess many ABUSERS...find  "no limit" slaves
and
what next?
"You never said I could not asphixiate you?"
" You never said I could not have 20 men over for you to serve?"

when in YOUR mind...it was not part of it...

TALK
 
GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/21/2009 5:10:41 AM >

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 5:16:35 AM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline 		.
quote:

The Dom I was talking to just said if I like to do it,shes gotta put up,done.
But as what I know most women dont like to be called fat fx,day out and day in..  according to him,it was too late to change their mind. Even though if she happened to enjoy it first.


Consent is only meaningful if it can be withdrawn without harm..criticism and reprecussions
 
IS respect for consent not mandatory??
 
GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/21/2009 5:17:08 AM >

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 1:04:56 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: monaslave
Can a Master(or Mistresses) call their slave for dumb,or other nasty words as humiliation on a ongoing basis? wouldnt that become something negative? Im talking about ltr 24/7 especially and Im not talking about as in play.
Can anything good come out of that? Can you be excused with "I have all the right to call you whatever I like"?
Have you crossed the thin line to abuse?


Answering your questions one at a time....
Anything good can come of anything for the right two people. That being said, you asked the wrong question. The question for YOU is... is that going to work for YOU. Well? Is it?

No, there is no such thing as an excuse in a relationship, only consequence. I have the right to reap the rewards of whatever it is that I sew. That's about the only 'right' that I know of. If a partner is doing damage to another partner, then it's a bad relationship (note I said bad relationship, not necessarily bad partner). That's really all that matters.

Whether or not it is abuse or not is highly debatable and also highly situational. For you, it sounds like this would be definitely bad... is it would for me or mine. So yes, within my marriage this would be abusive and it sounds like it would be for you too. But remember that some other person might process this interaction totally differently. At best I think we can only speak of generalities in terms of percentages... eg: For most people, serious and heartfelt humiliation will not work out well. I'm pretty comfortable with that statement. Then, of course, we can talk in specifics, eg: For myself and Carol, this would definitely work out poorly and yes, constitute abusive behavior.

But, you know, I'm WAY more focused on the fact that it would lose me my wife than I am about it being abusive.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to monaslave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 7:16:34 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		I am inclined to agree with Goddess2002. I thought the point of being a slave was to surrender all rights, etc., much like zaphira has. There seems to me to be an awful lot of people self identifying as slaves, and yet demanding to be treated with respect, which seems somewhat confusing to me

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to leadership527)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 7:32:32 PM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline 		This is Drakontos

Yes, zaphira did give up all her rights to me when she begged my collar. However, that does not mean that she does not deserve to be treated with respect.

Everyone, submissive, slave, Owner, Dominant; pick any label you choose; everyone should be respected in my eyes; until they have shown themselves to be unworthy of such courtesy. Sometimes, slaves and submissives more than others.



_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 8:07:54 PM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline 		But isn't that your decision, to treat her with respect?

_____________________________

Big man! Pig Man!
Ha Ha...Charade you are!

Why do they leave out the letter b on "Garage Sale" signs?

CM's #1 All-Time Also-Ran


(in reply to Drakontos)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 8:11:07 PM   
GYPZYQUEEN


Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

quote:

slaves, and yet demanding to be treated with respect, which seems somewhat confusing to me

REPLY:
sooo they should be treated with DISRESPECT?
WTF? now I am confused...

GQ

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/21/2009 8:12:26 PM >

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 8:17:29 PM   
Drakontos


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Arpig

But isn't that your decision, to treat her with respect?

This is Drakontos

Yes, it is my decision to treat ALL persons, no matter their choices in life, with respect.
Her being a slave, in no way, changes that.

_____________________________

Drakontos
zaphira

Live with honor; serve with grace and beauty

(in reply to Arpig)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: namecalling slaves? - 5/21/2009 10:02:17 PM   
Branoic


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/10/2009
Status: offline 		It really does depend on the sub, I had a lady who absolutely loved being told this or that..it was actually quite overboard, but there was no real line there. It turned her on to be treated and spoken to quite deragatory. On the flip side, some dont respond to it at all, rather just have an imposing presence instead of a talking pottymouth.
Overall, it's really not my bag, I find that when used in excess, it becomes almost a parody of itself. The trick is to figure it out real quick, and then remember the results.

However, your question seemed like it was happening to you, and you didnt like it. If you dont like it, if it hurts you, then it's abuse. Simple as that, and I would recomend that you either convey this to your D or seek a new one.

(in reply to Drakontos)
Profile   Post #: 40
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