Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Labels or scared of hermaphadites


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Labels or scared of hermaphadites Page: [1]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/4/2006 4:05:44 PM   
ponygirlwhisper


Posts: 1
Joined: 2/22/2004
Status: offline 		Why is that so many people in the BDSM Lifestyle are scared of Hermaphadites an still uses labels on them an each other?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/4/2006 4:30:31 PM   
KarbonCopy


Posts: 779
Status: offline 		I'm not afraid of Hermaphradites.


I dont see the problem.
Thats like being afraid of cross dressors or gay people. Whats to be afraid of? Doesnt this community strive on difference?

_____________________________

I am KarbonCopy's signature

(in reply to ponygirlwhisper)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/4/2006 4:43:42 PM   
sting516


Posts: 505
Joined: 9/4/2004
From: long island, ny
Status: offline 		If anyone is 'afraid' of a hermaphrodite, i don't know...what's more likely is that they doubt the veracity of the claim, as there are so few from what i hear...especially when compared to the number who say they are a hermaphrodite.

Keep your chin up...i'm sure someone out there is looking for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ponygirlwhisper

Why is that so many people in the BDSM Lifestyle are scared of Hermaphadites an still uses labels on them an each other?


(in reply to ponygirlwhisper)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/4/2006 6:27:13 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ponygirlwhisper

Why is that so many people in the BDSM Lifestyle are scared of Hermaphadites an still uses labels on them an each other?


Has this been your experience?

I wouldn't know frankly if I've met a hermaphadite or not -- I generally don't ask such personal questions or check folks out like this when I first meet them.

Once I get to know a person, that wouldn't matter very much to me.


_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ponygirlwhisper)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 1:04:00 AM   
ShivaTS


Posts: 132
Joined: 2/4/2006
Status: offline 		I was born a hermi, but was "corrected" within the first year I was born. I have the scars to prove it. Now I am just a male to female transsexual going throught the change to "correct" when they did. No matter what, gender benders will always be outcasts. I have been in the gay/lesbian/bi communities, now in the BDSM one. I find alot of people say they dont mind and then avoid us. Its a fact of life. I hope you find what you are looking for

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 8:45:25 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShivaTS

I was born a hermi, but was "corrected" within the first year I was born. I have the scars to prove it. Now I am just a male to female transsexual going throught the change to "correct" when they did. No matter what, gender benders will always be outcasts. I have been in the gay/lesbian/bi communities, now in the BDSM one. I find alot of people say they dont mind and then avoid us. Its a fact of life. I hope you find what you are looking for


I'm sorry this has been your experience.

I know that intersexed babies are commonly "fixed" sometimes without the parents even being told about it. I personally think its horrible to try and shove people into these two sex boxes when clearly its a continuum more than two categories.

As I've said no one has ever told me this about themselves and I don't ask these sorts of questions when I meet people. I get to know people based on their personality and interests first and foremost -- their gender and/or sex probably second.

I've had partners who've crossed dressed and I've worked with (in the BDSM community, not the mundane world as far as I know) who are transgendered or transexual. I certainly hope I haven't treated any one of them differently than I would anyone else.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to ShivaTS)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 11:29:00 AM   
MissAli


Posts: 106
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline 		San Francisco actually has a nice BDSM gender-bender group! I happen to enjoy going to their classes and meetings, but most of them do not venture over to the 'just-gay', lesbian, bi, het, whatever groups. I'm not sure if they prefer their own space due to problems encountered, or just simply that they want to be around others that embrace this.

Whatever the case there, it is unfortunate that anyone would have a negative reaction. I personally wouldn't care to ask someone unless they volunteered the info...and, well, then they'd hopefully find themselves lost somewhere in my sheets~ *smiles*

I happen to think MORE people in this lifestyle don't care, aren't bothered by it, etc, than in the vanilla world. You'r initial question almost seemed to say it was worse here than there. Infact, I've found the opposite is true for all sorts of variously termed 'gender-benders'.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 11:39:37 AM   
ShadeDiva


Posts: 1005
Joined: 3/31/2004
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline 		:::peeks real close:::

Is that ... alikat????



_____________________________

~ShadeDiva
My projects of love:
theFetishForums
HumanFauna
Kinked
DommeWorld

(in reply to MissAli)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 11:41:20 AM   
mantis65


Posts: 456
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline 		Wow I have never thought about this
I don’t know if I have ever met a Hermaphrodite.
I have met more people (online at least) with a she-male fetish or were transvestite.

I am not the type of person that gets scared or shuns unusual people.
Well maybe someone that has dangerous or criminal tendencies I would avoid.
I just don’t think like most people

Well keep in mind there are people like me that judge people on what they do not who they are.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 11:52:36 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

If anyone is 'afraid' of a hermaphrodite, i don't know...what's more likely is that they doubt the veracity of the claim, as there are so few from what i hear...especially when compared to the number who say they are a hermaphrodite.

Keep your chin up...i'm sure someone out there is looking for you.



I agree with this statement, about doubting the veracity. And I know that I will be unpopular for this, but part of the reason that you are meeting with problems is because you claim to have a biological anomaly - and you can't even spell it. It seems like such a little thing, but if you are a hermaphrodite, and you have been dealing with being one day in and day out for your entire life, then you should know how to spell it (or at least come closer than you did - although you did come a bit closer on your profile). Little things like that will influence the psyche of the people you are talking to far more than you (or they) realize.

I have no problems with TS, TG, hermaphrodites, or gender bending in any form (as long as they don't expect me to join in), but I'm afraid that you'll have to deal with my doubts at this point, as I already explained.

You also might want to think about how you are presenting yourself. Are you expecting people to be afraid of you? Do you go into a group of people with the expectation that they are going to outcast you for being a hermaphrodite? There is a lot to be said for self-fullfilling prophacies - and this might be a case of just that. A lot of people are unsure of how to react to someone who has a serious condition/anomaly/handicap/whatever, and if you are uncomfortable or unsure about it yourself that just makes it worse, and people are going to avoid you because of the awkwardness that being around you causes.

< Message edited by SweetDommes -- 2/5/2006 11:57:11 AM >

(in reply to sting516)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 2:29:46 PM   
MissAli


Posts: 106
Joined: 1/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

...and if you are uncomfortable or unsure about it yourself that just makes it worse


Instead, I would say "if you are uncomfortable or unsure about THEM and THEIR reaction, without having given them them the opportunity to determine these feelings"...that makes it worse.

(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 4:19:24 PM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Maybe I've spent too much time in the gender studies department, but I thought that the term "hermaphrodite" was largely considered antiquated and slightly offensive. I thought that the modern prefered term was "intersexed" (for individuals with primary/secondary sexual characteristics of 'both' genders.)

I'd be curious as to what prompted the OP to this outlook.

I've found that there is prejudice against individuals that don't fit into the pink and blue boxes in -every- group in society, but that the BDSM community doesn't have more or less of its share compared to any other cross section.

I know I personally am indifferent (in the positive way) of intersexed individuals. That is, I feel neither attraction to that aspect of their being, nor aversion to it. I prefer to take individuals as individuals.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to MissAli)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/5/2006 6:05:49 PM   
iamdownonmyknees


Posts: 93
Joined: 4/10/2005
From: Durham NC USA
Status: offline 		Intersexuals and “pre-ops” that chose to have both female hormones and retain their penis sometimes confuse and even disturb people who can only think of gender as binary. (True even though pre-operative transsexuals sometimes pay for SRS by acting as sex workers, focusing on the “chicks with dicks” admirers.)

Over the last couple of years on one of my websites I’ve heard from a number of people who have chosen to stay in-between. It is often a mixture of pride mixed with a sense of rejection.

Really, though, I tend to think of people involved in BDSM as more open to persons of atypical or ambiguous gender than the general population.

Richard


_____________________________

Down On My Knees & Sensual Sadist

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/6/2006 5:31:43 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe I've spent too much time in the gender studies department, but I thought that the term "hermaphrodite" was largely considered antiquated and slightly offensive. I thought that the modern preferred term was "intersexed"


I thought that as well perverseangelic...

I have met several intersexed persons in recent years & not one had referred to themselves as the hermaphrodite.

This very topic is "FEAR OF DIFFERENCE" especially in regards to gender identification as well as orientation stems from lack of education & most likely a stereotypical view that is only provided from a porn industry image. People tend to fear what they don't understand or fear what differs from them... this is really sad in this day of age.

I had a conversation just a couple of days ago with an individual struggling with their own gender identity & not knowing really where to turn. We talked about how this could have been an easier thing to deal with if help & information had been discovered at a much younger age. I told her that it will most likely take a few more generations before this topic becomes open enough to be freely discussed without fear.

Gays & lesbians have gone through their major struggles & are able to find information & support at a much younger age now days, yet there really isn't a lot out there for the transgendered or the intersexed. Babies are still 'corrected at birth' in most cases & based on what doctors & parents decide the gender should be.

We are all so much more than the shell of our being, yet this is the manner that we are judged & found either accepted or rejected. This shallow view has reduced the accepted look to be something that we naturally aren't. This view has caused many to hide in fear, starve their bodies, undergo cosmetic surgery & so on... & this includes the quote/unquote normal people just trying to fit in with society standards.

What is normal? To exist in this warm, comfortable box of one woman, one man, raise a happy little family & not buck the system that was designed to fit the morals & traditions of those select few that have decided this is the one true way that we should live?

How many of us really fit in this box?

It has taken the sacrifice of many to bring forth the recognition of gays & lesbians... yet the acceptance is still not there. Many of the transsexuals & intersexed people I have met prefer to not be out per se, they would rather just function in as much normalcy that they can. Very few have taken up the call to go forth & attempt to offer education & insight. Often they have been ostracized by their family, fear that they will be fired from their jobs & worse... killed because of their differences. Brutal murders have been the end for many transsexual & intersexed persons.

It is to my dismay that it will most likely take many more lives & many more generations before gays, lesbians, transsexuals & intersexed people are dealt a fair hand & are offered the same rights that the normal, traditional & moral people take for granted.

< Message edited by MstrssPassion -- 2/6/2006 5:35:08 AM >

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


(in reply to ponygirlwhisper)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/6/2006 8:30:14 AM   
veronicaofML


Posts: 1317
Joined: 11/19/2005
From: from iowa..now in wisconsin
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetDommes

quote:

ORIGINAL: sting516

If anyone is 'afraid' of a hermaphrodite, i don't know...what's more likely is that they doubt the veracity of the claim, as there are so few from what i hear...especially when compared to the number who say they are a hermaphrodite.

Keep your chin up...i'm sure someone out there is looking for you.



I agree with this statement, about doubting the veracity. And I know that I will be unpopular for this, but part of the reason that you are meeting with problems is because you claim to have a biological anomaly - and you can't even spell it. It seems like such a little thing, but if you are a hermaphrodite, and you have been dealing with being one day in and day out for your entire life, then you should know how to spell it (or at least come closer than you did - although you did come a bit closer on your profile). Little things like that will influence the psyche of the people you are talking to far more than you (or they) realize.

I have no problems with TS, TG, hermaphrodites, or gender bending in any form (as long as they don't expect me to join in), but I'm afraid that you'll have to deal with my doubts at this point, as I already explained.

You also might want to think about how you are presenting yourself. Are you expecting people to be afraid of you? Do you go into a group of people with the expectation that they are going to outcast you for being a hermaphrodite? There is a lot to be said for self-fullfilling prophacies - and this might be a case of just that. A lot of people are unsure of how to react to someone who has a serious condition/anomaly/handicap/whatever, and if you are uncomfortable or unsure about it yourself that just makes it worse, and people are going to avoid you because of the awkwardness that being around you causes.

============

what SHE said



_____________________________

drugs sex and rock n roll,...drugs are good and so is the rock n roll, sex is over rated"
=============
"go straight to hell, do not pass go and do not collect $200"



(in reply to SweetDommes)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/6/2006 9:45:57 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: iamdownonmyknees


Really, though, I tend to think of people involved in BDSM as more open to persons of atypical or ambiguous gender than the general population.

Richard



I've found that rather than the BDSM community, individuals who study gender or who are doing some type of theory from a gender studies perspective (lit crit, art crit, etc) are more likely to be open to intersexed individuals.

I bet it depends onthe population in a given area.

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to iamdownonmyknees)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/6/2006 1:25:58 PM   
tristin1985


Posts: 4
Joined: 9/30/2005
Status: offline 		It is my dream to one day find a Hermaphrodite or intersexed or what ever they are sapose to be called and have a relasonship with them. I find the idea very atractive and think that people that are disterbed by the idea very closed minded. I feel that children born that way should be left alone and alowed to chose what hapens to them later in life.

tristin

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/8/2006 12:16:52 PM   
dave1212


Posts: 158
Joined: 1/2/2006
From: Lancashire UK
Status: offline 		Just because some people are "different" or dont fit in the "norm" they are always looked down on or "feared" .......

Truth be known "just like we all are in the bdsm scene" from the nilla's anyway ???

_____________________________

~Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me~
~Distracting/reacting~
~Against my will i stand beside my own reflection~
~It's haunting how i can't seem to find myself again..
"Linkin Park"
TSR-560-087-333

(in reply to tristin1985)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Labels or scared of hermaphadites - 2/8/2006 2:04:12 PM   
Slipstreme


Posts: 817
Joined: 1/1/2006
Status: offline 		I would honestly love to meet a hermaphrodite in real life. In fact it is that gender: the bigender or the gender neutral that I admire, and wish I were. I am biologically female, something I am not really too keen on being, but I don't identify male either. I am genderqueer.

So no, I don't dislike herms, I admire them.

_____________________________

Living the Dichotomy

Painslut? How about "Endorphin Junkie"?

For information about "the furry thing" please check out my profile journal entry for: 1/17/2006

Alpha of a leather family of four. Master to the slave z.

(in reply to dave1212)
Profile   Post #: 19
Page:   [1]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> Labels or scared of hermaphadites Page: [1]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078