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Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 5:03:44 PM   
Catherine330


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline 		I just had a really nice bondage scene with a Dom today I have only met once before and was tied up by. I think he is really on a search for a wife and I wonder why, since he knows what he is doing, is very good at rope, has a good reputation, and throws a lot of play parties and is out and about a lot, and has a few play partners, he has not found someone yet. I guess it is hard for everyone. He seems like he is looking for someone super beautiful maybe. I am cute but not voluptious and dropdead gorgeous - just pretty and petite.

My life is not exactly stable but since I am new to this, I did want the experience. However, I did feel like he has done this so many times that I was just someone else to play with and he left right after. That was fine as he had a dog he had to go let out but he said to call *him* this week. I am planning to attend his party next weekend so I guess I will.

After this scene, I think I am ready for more exploration of other possiblities - just playing with more Doms to see what I like in a Dom and maybe considering being owned if I meet someone really special. I think I need this in a relationship now that I have bothered to explore. I want this kind of sex in a long-term relationship for sure.

I guess some Doms know exactly what they want and I don't really know. I just know I want it someday but feel I have to learn a little more what I like and what I can pass on.

I just have no idea how to re-create a profile I took down after a while. I would like to meet someone special but I am not willing to stay in Ohio. I guess I just need to say that. But I dont' want anyone to overlook getting to know the other parts of me if they know that. No matter what I have going on, I like to keep my options open. However, there is a lot wrong with my life and I just don't know how to tell new people about that either. I worry that I might just get second rate experiences with no fire in them if I say all this.

Should I just say I am looking for play partners for now? I am unemployed and had to apply for disability finally due to chronic pain (which is another reason I like bdsm and sex) , don't have all the energy in the world to really serve one person, but dont' want to sell myself short either. I am very well educated, artistic, and fully committed to healing and getitng my old life back if possible.


< Message edited by Catherine330 -- 2/4/2006 5:32:00 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 5:20:59 PM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		What exactly are you asking? Whether or not you should consider him?
If that's your question then I think you answered it yourself.

(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 5:30:41 PM   
Catherine330


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline 		Sorry, I just totally edited my last post to expound on what I am really thinking about. I also don't want the person in question to be offended by my nitpicks either. Now I am asking how I should go about presenting myself at my stage of newness with my life issues being different than most others and yet still up for exploring this path and wanting to meet someone special.

(in reply to Aileen68)
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RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 5:33:22 PM   
Catherine330


Posts: 5
Joined: 1/31/2006
Status: offline 		But yes on the other thing. I did answer that one. Definitely want someone who pays attention to the little details as I do.

(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 8:05:01 PM   
DelRey


Posts: 314
Joined: 12/3/2005
Status: offline 		Catherine,

Take a deep breath. Now relax, take your meds..... Really !

You sound like some 16 year old that is going to the prom for the first time and you want poor slob to ask you to marry him but you don't know if it's ok to let him feel you up, screw your brains out or even hold you hand with out it having huge implications. Why can’t you just put your self out there just enough to let someone get to know you ? If it works out for BOTH of you, let him in a little more, he will likely let you in a little more and you can see what happens.

Presenting your self for D/s relationship is like any other, if you become too desperate and or too needy you may as well write it on your forehead because it can be spotted a mile away and it is very unattractive.

Just do what your doing and relax. Stop over thinking everything or everybody that that comes into your life. You'll find out if you start enjoying your self and your suroundings with out all your implications you will probably do much better.

Del Rey

(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 9:14:05 PM   
sultryvoice


Posts: 368
Joined: 3/31/2004
Status: offline 		I suggest you just go slow and take your time. No matter how well you know someone, take it a step at a time. Go to his party to meet others. You don't always have to play. Socializing it key in finding what you want and need. Learning from others also. Find those you can trust for a sounding board too. Sometimes you just need to talk things out.

Being new, we seem to want to jump in and go for it. Like any other type of relationship, you have to be cautious. Just because it's bdsm and not vanilla, you need to act in the same responsible manner.

Respectfully,
sultry

_____________________________

Blessed are the cracked,
For it is they who let in the light.


www.themarkbycpi.com

(in reply to DelRey)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/4/2006 9:51:56 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline 		Sweetie,

I think the question I found in your thoughts was how to present yourself in a profile here? If that is what you want to know, then I would suggest a modified version of what you wrote here.

Do not be afraid or ashamed of being new..we were all new once. It is a fairly easy condition to remedy. Simply state what you are, what you seek, and what is important and what is unacceptable. Probably use a few less words than you did in this post <grin>.

Relax, breathe, go slow, stay safe. It is pretty damn exciting if the first time is good, and it sounds like yours was pretty okay. It won't always be that good, and sometimes it will be better. Respect yourself and the people you play with...you'll be fine.



_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/5/2006 1:25:22 AM   
RavenMuse


Posts: 4030
Joined: 1/23/2006
Status: offline 		What I am going to suggest is quite probably the last thing you feel you want to do.

Don't just slow down.... STOP! You have a few ideas about what you want but it is quite clear from that post that you are rather confused about it all. You need to figure out who you are and what you want. Do you even want a D/s relationship? Parts of that read more like you are seeking vanilla with a BDSM sex-life rather than D/s at all.

Work out what you want and need first, then it will be a lot easier to work out what you are looking for in someone else.

(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/5/2006 5:52:51 PM   
Laura


Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline 		Don't look for a Dom at all Catherine. Look for a person and then ask if he is interested in being a Dom.

Just as the man you mentioned is looking for a wife. He may have rope skills and so on, that doesn't make him ultra god. He still has to find someone to care about and be cared about in return.

People are into BDSM, not machines. Meet people, have conversations and find someone you want to spend time with. Then move into the realm of fetishes.

(in reply to RavenMuse)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/8/2006 4:44:45 AM   
MasterRobert1


Posts: 225
Joined: 7/18/2005
Status: offline 		For too many people, this has become a "dating venue". BDSM and D/s seem to have become secondary.

(in reply to Catherine330)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Question about meeting new Doms - 2/8/2006 6:28:05 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRobert1

For too many people, this has become a "dating venue". BDSM and D/s seem to have become secondary.

You consider that a bad thing? I think it's good to get to know the PERSON. If you don't connect as PEOPLE, what good will bdsm and Ds do you except make you feel all hot and bothered and turned on and forget the important things like compatibility and life perspective?

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterRobert1)
Profile   Post #: 11
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