RE: And now the end is near .... (Full Version)

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sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 7:55:14 AM)

um, i really appreciate your reply although i will clarify, we do not have a poly, and this woman,his ex, lives about 3 hours away....he despises her, yet has all the patience in the world with her...and in part i admire this about him because i know he does it for his unmentionables, but i wish he'd understand that just as he puts up with a lot for his little ones, i have to do the same with mine.



candystripper -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 7:56:20 AM)

Well, if you do not want advice, i offer you prayers.

One last thing, i swear: some disabled kids receive ssi and medicaid. Could be a blessing.

candystripper



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 7:57:04 AM)

i agree with your statement wholeheartedly.....i had never really given it much thought but you are right, it is the bad times that define a relationship and proves, if you will, the strength, or lackthereof, that this relationship carries.



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 7:58:45 AM)

i accept advice & prayers...and i am grateful for either. i don't see how the statement you just made regarding this being a poly relationship can be interpreted as advice, but i thank you anyways.



candystripper -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:01:33 AM)

quote:

i accept advice & prayers...and i am grateful for either. i don't see how the statement you just made regarding this being a poly relationship can be interpreted as advice, but i thank you anyways.

sweetkajira


o poorly worded; i meant the ex is a daily presence.

candystripper



Sunshine119 -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:10:35 AM)

The social service I run works with little "unmentionables" who have "emotional and behavioral challenges". You say you've tried therapy and medication for him, so my guess is that he has some pretty tough problems. Has your Master/husband been in family therapy as well? Have you had marriage counseling for the two of you? There are kink friendly therapists all over and there is a guide on-line of where to start to find them at KAP (Kink Aware Professionals) http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/

Families with truly challenged little folk have more problems than most. While we do not have nearly any of the story, it sounds like you two have many more issues going on than the little one. The question now is how hard BOTH of you want to save this relationship/marriage and what each of you is willing to sacrifice to make it happen. Just one of you working on this isn't going to change anything. And it only takes one to walk away.

If he is willing, find one of the closest Kink Aware Professionals near you and go. If he is unwilling to go, then go for yourself.

Oh, and by the way, tossing beer cans around because he is pissed is NOT showing that he is in control any more than you. If he expects YOU to submit to him, HE had better get control of himself first.



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:11:56 AM)

yes, pretty much - although i will say, it's not as if she's brought any conflict to our relationship at all...it's annoying to me, but nothing major...i just threw that in there since it's been on my mind, just something that popped up...not really an issue in and of itself. This woman just can't seem to let go, eventhough she has a relationship of her own, and doesn't contact him for personal reasons, all having to do with the unmentionables, yet it's every day practically...and it's usually some complaint and usually something thrown at me, although not directly.



LadyJulieAnn -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:13:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: candystripper

The end is not near...just change, uncertainty, and fear. Let us separate the problems. 1st, your child is out of control and 2nd, your Dom may leave you.

Time to be pro-active. Get the child to a world-class therapy situation for diagnosis. Cincinnnati, OH, has one; ask a trusted MD or go online. You need a firm diagnosis...is there a physical problem? What part is emotional, and WHAT disorder is it??

i do not know of either of the adults here considered the impact of a disabled child on the relationship before it began. Any hope to remain together surely means Y/you must BOTH face it now. The child may be severely emotionally disturbed; decisions will have to be made.

i wonder if your Dom felt sufficient loyalty and trust and submission whenever the child disrupted things....or did you play the "Mommy Card" and overrule Him?

There are so many varaiables, and i'd suggest you get some short term therapy as well. i doubt your child needs 'effective parenting"; i think you may be looking at institutionalisation. But i may be reading you wrong. In any event, there are important decisions to make in a state of sorrow...therapy may keep you straight.

My prayers are with you & yours.

candystripper


Instituationalization? That's major stuff and a last resort for the most severe of behavior issues, I would hope. Never underestimate the need for effective parenting, and a stable, loving home for umentionables.

If one understands that many unmentionables act out as a result of feeling insecure and as a result of family situations, steps can be taken to resolve those issues and restore some normalcy. I think in many cases it's the adults that primarily need the help in order preserve emotional health for their unmentionables.

Be well,
Julie



MstrssPassion -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:14:22 AM)

quote:

barelynangel: You are getting defensive when someone comments on something you say and don't agree with (i.e. your slavery to him) and that tells me you are asking not for advice but for people to tell you what you want to hear, which on some level tells me you have made up your mind and just want confirmation, which is fine. But i would be very wary of taking advice from people who have no clue of you, your life, the whole situation, and each person involved. Without that knowledge, a person can only give you what you in fact do want to hear which is confirmation of what you already know, and not unbias advice.


The subject line spoke volumes. I had already picked up on the fact that this was yet another rant seeking out validation.

That is why I posted a different point of view along with my compassionate sensible reply of communicate with your husband & seek out a third party to aide with this.

Many people a so damned PC these days they hold back posting with a true reflection of what they feel for fear of having a bunch of black & white text turn to attack them... not my case. I will often post exactly what others may perceive but instead they post delicately. I still see role-playing that went out of control. Role-playing that was put in place in attempt to mask issues that one or both individuals may have already been suffering prior to being with one another. Just an opinion & one each of us are entitled to have. If it ruffles feathers, keep in mind opinions are like assholes, everyone has one. Let's be real... How many Masters hit the couch when they are upset with their slave?? Really, think about it! That line got a giggle out of me so I responded.

The contradictions there no matter how much the OP wants to believe that her 100% is 100%.... 99.99% is still not 100%

I do hope that the real issue of a child in need is addressed. This in fact is far more important than M/s, weight loss, homosexual tendencies or any of the other issues raised. A child must be looked after by the adults involved in his/her life. I also hope that these people can find the love that brought them together in the first place & save their marriage.

There is a time & place for everything & the existence of a TPE cannot take place when chaos is the ruling factor...



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:17:11 AM)

thanks for your insight.....we have never tried therapy because honestly this is the first time we've had such conflict....we've only been married for about 10 months....so it's been blissful for us right upto just a few days ago.... and like i said, before then i had seen a slight change in him, but he kept saying that it was nothing...and i was waiting until he got over whatever it was that was upseting or disturbing him.... the beer can toss, he was tossing them on the floor, like to say that he didn't care, since he is always very meticulous about the house, it was very uncharacteristic of him to do that...btw, the beer cans are still there, he is at work...and i don't know if to pick up all the mess he's made, or leave it there.... a part of me wants to clean up but another part of me wants to leave it all there to "show him"kinda deal..... i know that's not a good attitude but iam really pissed off.



collieloveruk -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:25:13 AM)

oh i think id pick them up but leave them in a neat stack so he realises ur pissed at him but you dont want it to be a mess........... but then im a rebel lol xx



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:25:45 AM)

i believe that i stated it rather clearly from the get go that this was indeed a form of venting for me...a rant if you will... i seek nothing more than to express myself the only way i am able to right now...via a message board...i don't want to bother my real life family and friends with my dliema, i don't like to drag out my dirty laundry with people that actually mean something to me in my daily life...so that is why i'd rather just air it out here, in an environment where i am unknown and can express my feelings and sort them out a bit through writing them out, and get different views, comments, responses that may not help much but at least gives me things to think about and different views on a situation which i know very well is not going to be soved by anyone on this or any message board.

as to my 100% or my 99.9 submissiveness, it's irrelevant at this point. i am not here to prove my submissiveness.



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:26:57 AM)

lol! there's a good idea. i think i will do that! thanks[:D]



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:32:46 AM)

btw, your post raised a question for me...as far as the comment about homosexual tendencies...do you, or anyone else who wishes to comment, believe that a man who fantasizes about topping a male, including sexually, and feminizing him, is a sign of homosexual tendencies? i am genuinely asking this question, please don't take it as sarcasm or a bait for debate....i am curious about this because it's been on my mind and i don't have that much experience or openess to sexuality to really draw my own conclusions.



collieloveruk -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:33:05 AM)

well if nothing else it may get you talking when he says why th fk did u do that ........ good luck xx



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:35:17 AM)

true! lol...well, i don't really want to rock the boat anymore than it already has been at this point...i honestly want it to work out, and i do not want to lose him....i have to resist the urges!



Sunshine119 -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:50:32 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

Let's be real... How many Masters hit the couch when they are upset with their slave?? Really, think about it! That line got a giggle out of me so I responded.



Sorry, I have to disagree with you MstrssPassion. Any Master/Mistress who is feeling that an emotional issue is keeping them from having a meaningful relationship SHOULD be thinking about therapy. That is, any Master/Mistress who recognizes that power and control does not solve many problems (that should include most) and they are serious about working out a relationship instead of just tossing it aside and finding a new submissive.

While finding new submissives may be an easy thing for most Dommes, it isn't so for most Doms. So, maybe you can just pick and choose until you find one perfect for you. Even then, when you are emotionally attached to your submissive, do you just toss him/her aside if, for some reason, there is something that keeps you (or them) from being able to keep the relationship going?

That's why there are kink friendly therapists out there. For people who want a permanent relationship and realize that life DOES get in the way.




MstrssPassion -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:55:53 AM)

HUH???

I think you need to go back & read my post again. No where did I say dump & run. No where did I mention there was an end. Even the part you quoted me on reflects nothing that you wrote.

As to your comment about how it is easy for a fem dom to pick & chose a sub & it isn't easy for the male dom... that is soooooo untrue.





collieloveruk -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:56:57 AM)

but something funny might just diffuse the situation enough to open up the lines of communication at the end of the day thats the only way you're going to solve the issues you both have and provide a united front for your child xx



sweetkajira -> RE: And now the end is near .... (2/5/2006 8:58:49 AM)

that post was not from me - i believe you were under the impression that post from Sunshine was from the OP - it was not. I don't know where that came from, out of left field.... perhaps it personal, i do not know. But has nothing to do with my issue.



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