undergroundsea
Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
And shame on you for not leading by example, instead of being a sour puss and even dragging this out later.
I share the fundamental idea behind SlaveKal's perspective. I think the statement above is unnecessary. I have difficulty with your posts when you apply different standards to yourself than you do to subs, and when you throw out names at those who hold a different view.
I interpret the point he is stating to stem from the economics of social psychology; how a person feels about a given matter depends on how the costs weigh against rewards. The costs and rewards take different forms (concrete, abstract, those that directly reward self, and those that indirectly reward self via how they affect another) and operate over a net-sum basis. Still, this basic principle applies broadly across all types of human relationships.
For a submissive, there are different forms of costs and rewards for doing manual labor, which vary from person to person. If the costs outweigh the rewards, the enthusiasm for repeating the experience will simply not be there. That is human psychology at work.
Why is not each of us helping our neighbors with manual labor each weekend? If there is something that makes the situation with subs different, what exactly is it, and how is it being achieved? Is it by simply taking labels?
I think a healthy D/s exchange requires participation by both persons. SlaveKal is referring to participation or contribution of energy that might come from a dominant. I don't specify how exactly this participation should occur but that it should occur in a way that works for both parties. If the service is being done as a D/s exchange, how exactly are you envisioning the domme to participate in it? It seems to me you are suggesting the sub should act like a submissive while a domme acts like a (forgive me BoiJen ;-) ) vanilla person. If I am misinterpretting your statement, I welcome any clarification.
Just as it is good for a sub to understand the psychology of a given domme, it is helpful to a domme to understand the psychology of that individual sub. Just as a domme might not feel the headspace to enter her role without any inspiration from or participation by her partner, a sub might feel similarly. Just as it would be draining for her to do so anyway, it would be draining for a sub to do so anyway. Just as this drain due to a one way flow of energy would put to question her desire to repeat it, especially if the relationship is based primarily on a D/s dynamic, the same applies to a sub. You say dommes are humans when you make such a case for dommes, and a valid case it is. Why do not you see the same to apply to subs?
If you are imagining someone standing behind the men with a whip, I think you are misinterpretting or exaggerating his point. And I think the horrible time underscored is a dramatization. Rather than assuming what a sub must be thinking, it would be helpful to understand what constitutes a two-way energy flow. Often times it is very simple.
What SlaveKal is saying is of practical value. I have provided service to women who wanted me to repeat the experience. However, it felt no different than doing something for a neighbor based on the D/s energy. The costs of time and the drain of one-way energy flow outweighed the rewards, which then established where repeating this experience fell in priority amongst all that draws upon my time. I did not ask for the experience to be created a certain way. However, I did not repeat the offer. That is the point SlaveKal is making--if there is an interest to have the service repeated, that experience requires each person to participate in it and be reasonably happy with it.
In my opinion, if a domme wishes to receive service from a sub, it serves her purpose to understand what motivates him to serve. If this motivation aligns with her draw to receive service, it serves her purpose to encourage this motivation. If it does not or is not interesting enough to do for benefit of work done, I think there is an incompatible pairing. If there is incompatibility, it is not the fault of either.
Cheers,
Sea
< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 5/19/2009 12:07:54 AM >
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RE: "Vanilla side"...what?...rant - 
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