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too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 6:10:02 AM

DarkEmpress

Posts: 10
Joined: 6/25/2008
Status: offline

My slave (machismo unchained) is a very dominant man in the vanilla world,(just look at the name he chose = machismo!) and at home somewhat as well. Background = He brought me in the lifestyle , I dig it, went full ahead and now participate in community activities way more than he does. Dominant as he is he seeks to be a real caged, total slave not just a sub. He loves domestics and cares for me extremely well in this area and meets other really important needs as well, but there are many things he simply refuses to do like take me to the movies or give me a ride somewhere, go alone or with me to TES meetings, etc he says let one of your other slaves do that stuff. He loves to play with other Mistresses so we are poly and I allow it.
Question = To those who identify as Slave (not sub) how do you manage when your Top wants you to do something and you're sad, angry, depressed or just plain sick and tired. Also how do your Tops respond? (I leave my slave alone at that time but spank him later when he feels better.) please be blatantly honest but not rude if you can help it.Your comments don't have to agree with me about anything and will be appreciated, Empress

Post #: 1

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 6:17:30 AM

kuriouswitch

Posts: 325
Joined: 6/17/2008
Status: offline

Usually if I'm out of sorts there's an underlying reason so Master puts me fully serving him on hold until we sort things out, I still serve but his demands are less. The same if I'm sick.

Now if I flat out refused to do something because I didn't want to, that's a whole different issue and one I get severly punished for at that moment. The most recent one was telling Master no and pouting saying that i wasn't tired when he said it was nap time (guess who won that one?) If I refuse because I have an issue with the order, I ask for permission to explain why I would prefer not to do it, because I find it difficult because it'll be embarassing or it hits a trigger ect. and then Master will modify his orders or they'll stand as they are and I do it. The only time I'm "allowed" to balk is if I'm afraid of my physical or emotional or mental health.

(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 2

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 6:59:09 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
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The dynamic of the woman wanting to go out and the man wanting to stay home at night is an old one. Way back when men worked and women stayed at home, it was natural.

A lot depends on the relationship you have and how much energy he has after the day. If I were you, if I wanted to go out with him, I wouldn't think twice, unless I was concerned that he would be too tired after a late night out for his job next day.

From your description, it sounds like simple topping from the bottom.

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Post #: 3

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 7:18:25 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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It sounds to me like two people with different ideas of what slavery is.

I know what it is to me and that does not match up with roughly 95% of what other people believe it to be. For me it is a 24/7 power exchange dynamic. There is no "I don't want to do that" allowed. Period. I communicate that up front.

In this instance I think there needs to be more communication between those involved.

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Post #: 4

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 7:27:19 AM

VampiresLair

Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
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Refusing to do something selfishly because he doesnt feel like it is far different than not wanting to do something because he is in a bad mood.
Fox is human, he has bad moods and I just let him ride them out, support where necessary and we deal with them. They never last long. If he doesnt feel like doing anything when he is in a funk, so be it, we dont do anything. It isnt that often so it is not a big deal.

However, if anyone was ever to refuse to take me out to dinner, to a movie and things like that, that transcends D/s and gets into the relationship more than anything else. He is being selfish and you are letting him act that way. This is when it is a "I'm sorry, I didnt mean for that to sound like a request, it is a demand" area. If he refuses to obey commands, whether they are to accompany you or to fetch things, you will see where his submission lies. Right now, he sounds like a high maintenence do-me sub, who wants what he likes out of slavery, but doesnt have any interest on the parts on your end of it. If I had that problem and it became long standing, my solution would be dimissal. I wont correct forever, either you get it or you dont. LEt him know he isnt irriplacable and if he doesnt want to actually act like a slave then you have no use for him as one. Maybe the reality check will help.

DV

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 5

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 7:29:13 AM

missturbation

Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
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quote:

To those who identify as Slave (not sub) how do you manage when your Top wants you to do something and you're sad, angry, depressed or just plain sick and tired.

I get on with it.

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Post #: 6

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 7:31:21 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress
he says let one of your other slaves do that stuff. He loves to play with other Mistresses so we are poly and I allow it.
Question = To those who identify as Slave (not sub) how do you manage when your Top wants you to do something and you're sad, angry, depressed or just plain sick and tired. Also how do your Tops respond? (I leave my slave alone at that time but spank him later when he feels better.) please be blatantly honest but not rude if you can help it.Your comments don't have to agree with me about anything and will be appreciated, Empress

Carol and I talk. The scenario is that I'll give a command. She'll offer feedback on that command -- in this case feedback along the lines of "God I hate that command." That feedback may or may not cause me to alter the command. Then a 'final' decision is reached. At that point, the expectation is she obeys. If she does not, then she isn't my slave anymore. There is no middle ground and no punishment. Don't get me wrong. I love my wife and I take very seriously the feedback she offers me. But in the end, my own personal definition of slavery doesn't allow for 'no'. If I decide to hold firm, then she obeys.

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 7

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 8:15:42 AM

whimzgirl

Posts: 21
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

Mistress Empress,

In My Masters definition of slave, which I accept and submit to, there is no concept of refusal of an order. His wishes are paramount and it is my joy to fulfill them. However, My Master is very tuned in to my psyche and knows when something He requests of me is going to be hard for me - either because I'm having a hard day or it's something He knows I have issues with. Good communication is the basis for our relationship and has been since day one. He takes my needs into account but when the day ends we will be doing what He desires and I will submit. His desire might change a bit depending on what He sees in me but it will still be His decision.

I find absolute and complete joy in making My Master happy through my service to Him. I would ask that you forgive this slave if she is out of line, but in the short description you give I do not see your slave possessing that true slave's heart for service. Where is his serve with fire attitude? It may be that slavery is not in his DNA -- it's not for everyone. For me it is an innate need and as natural as breathing. It is who I am when you strip away all the outer vestiges thrown on me by society. It may be that your slave needs to do some personal introspection and discover if he is really living the life to which he is called. My Master insists that I spend time doing just those types of things and journal that road I am taking. Those writing exercises have helped me tremendously to embrace my true self and in turn become a better slave to Him.

Respectfully,

gabby

(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 8

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 9:07:30 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

...Question = To those who identify as Slave (not sub) how do you manage when your Top wants you to do something and you're sad, angry, depressed or just plain sick and tired...

this slave lets Him know if/when she is sad, angry, depressed, sick or tired. if He wants something done regardless of how she is feeling...she does it anyway.

quote:

... Also how do your Tops respond?...

it depends on the situation. most of the time He will giggle and say stuff like "pooooor baby", give her a little comforting hug...then have this slave complete the task anyway.

(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 9

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 9:32:17 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

If he only serves you when or how he wants to, then how is that submission? That's just him doing what he wants to. True submission is proven by the slave doing things he really would rather not.

DarkEmpress, I am blunt but I'm not trying to be harsh. You are service topping him. Nothing wrong with that, if that's what you both want.

In other words, he's the dom. Which again, is fine if you both want that. If you don't, you'll probably have to release him because he has a pattern of being deliberately disobedient to you. That's just not good slave material. To have a good slave, you've got to start with someone who will not deliberately disobey you. He can't just be obedient when he feels like it, and disobey and refuse when he doesn't. That's not submission.

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 5/11/2009 9:41:02 AM >

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(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 10

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 3:00:25 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Some people are home bodies and some aren't. I am and I would not feel comfortable in a relationship where I had to go out several times a week. And I almost never want to go to the movies.

As far as being out, perhaps he's afraid to attend kink events for fear of being outed. Depending on his job, and his boss, this could be a legitimate fear. Discuss the problem. Maybe he'd be willing to go bowling or hiking but not to kink events.

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Post #: 11

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 3:03:59 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

We talk. I tell him how I'm feeling and if he still wants me to do it then I bite my tongue, seethe behind it and do it anyway because that's what I agreed to and that's the type of person I am. He knows I'm not always going to be happy about everything he wants me to do. He knows I won't always be in a good mood but ya know what? It doesn't always matter to him because it's not about me even at times when he does make it about me.

It all comes down to the type of relationship you have and the communication you have together.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 12

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/11/2009 10:46:08 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

...<snip> he says let one of your other slaves do that stuff.

who's the top? sounds like him!

(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 13

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/12/2009 12:53:33 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i tend to over ride my feelings and do as im expected to do. that gets me out of my funk, i spose because im no longer focused on myself and moving on is usually the best cure for moments like that.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 14

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/12/2009 3:50:31 AM

Zechriel

Posts: 308
Joined: 11/19/2007
Status: offline

Good morning!
I do it cause it makes him feel good. I can voice my concerns by saying, "Master/Daddy (depending on the request) may I say something?" Then he will say yes or no but he can usually tell if I am tired or sick. Most times if I am angry (which usually is displayed by me pouting or making a funny face) he will make me give him a huge hug until I relax and let it go into his arms. But always it is for him, even when I am sick. He knows me and what decisions are good for me. He knows the difference between uncomfortable ( I don't wanna wear the pink/yellow thong cause I hate underwear) and hurtful (If you continue to do breast torture while my chest muscles are still healing, I will hand you my physical therapy bills)

Sounds like topping cause there is no way those things are harmful. As far as spanking for punishment, yeah Daddy gave me 5 screaming whacks but what hurt more was 2 weeks with no chips or soda. Gotta hit him where it hurts in order for the lesson to be learned. Worked with me, that first day back I was sticking a baby nipple on a 2 liter of coke and laying on my back in sugar bliss. LOL Good luck!
Very truly,
Zechriel

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Post #: 15

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/12/2009 9:47:46 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Saying make me a cup of coffee is a lot different than saying "risk losing your job by being outed". I'm curious if the op made it clear upfront that he would have to attend public kink events. Because this is a hard limit for many people.

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Slave to laundry

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Post #: 16

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/12/2009 3:22:44 PM

DarkEmpress

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Joined: 6/25/2008
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slave has been to public events before thats not the issue, he's just tired
Empress

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 17

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/12/2009 3:39:11 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkEmpress

slave has been to public events before thats not the issue, he's just tired
Empress

If he's too tired then maybe you both can go but just relax and enjoy the atmosphere and friends. Doesn't mean you have to do anything.

I know for one that I'm usually exhausted after a long day of work. Lots of people are.

Ask him what you can do to maybe make him feel a little less tired.

If he's constantly tired then maybe he should see his dr for a checkup or there's a lot of stress in his life and if this is the case then I'd say he needs to deal with that stress in his life.

I know right now I'm completely exhausted every single day of my life from the stresses in my life but the difference is that I still push myself to make Master happy despite my fatigue. He could simply not be that type of person and if so then you both have some communication to do to see what's important to the both of you.

(in reply to DarkEmpress)

Post #: 18

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/13/2009 7:58:33 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Seconding little wonder's suggestion of a physical to check for causes of fatigue.

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Post #: 19

RE: too grumpy for 24 7 - 5/13/2009 8:04:44 AM

DarkEmpress

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Joined: 6/25/2008
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well I thank you all for your comments all of your suggestions have been tried, but I think its just not something he is interested in. he is a good submissive and we all have our quirks so I can deal with it. He has a great heart and at least intends to be good as we all do. I'm still in love either way.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 20

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