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pollux -> RE: How to attract a sub via personals (2/5/2006 3:03:01 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: AAkasha
When posting an ad on the internet as a woman (and a femdom) you have to be prepared to open the floodgates. When I was 30 and using that ad, I was looking more for a "boytoy" than a boyfriend, per se. So a lot of the physical stuff came into play, and it's a good way to filter, and at least reduce the numbers. It also fit the "image" of the kind of guy I would want on my arm at the types of places I went -- fetishy, youthful, etc.
When it comes to falling in love or finding a soul mate, pretty much all those kinds of "criteria" go out the window. I look back at my old criteria:
I prefer artistic types, shy is ok. You don't need to be god's gift to
women, but be self confident and have good qualities that you are proud of.
If you are a bit on the thin, femme side, even better. My tastes don't
usually run toward perfect bodies, gym types, jocks, military, or
super-short hair, but I won't rule it out totally.
The man I fell for:
* does not have an artistic bone in his body; he is a numbers/financial brain type
* is not shy at all
* thin, femme? not a chance! he isn't a "pretty boy" -- he's conservative in appearance
* super short hair? It was a deal breaker back then. My man keeps his head shaved most of the time, but when he grows it out (for me) it's still incredibly short
* perfect body, gym types? that was a limit for me also. Yet the man I am spending my life with is an athlete all year round in more sports than I can keep track of.
Once there is chemistry, the person you are with morphs into your "physical ideal." I never would have given him a second look at a public party, work function, or friend's house. He would have been the type my best friend went for - the blonde Canadian "jock." Not me, I was looking for the pretty boys. I was certain I would end up with a highly creative, but career-minded type; an architect, a graphic designer, a composer, an artist.
It's a reminder I suppose that having strict criteria is not always a good thing. But I think what comes naturally is that you develop chemistry in places where you believed there might be none. The trick is to not eliminate all people who are not your PERFECT fit, instead, give it time, and see what develops.
Akasha
I appreciate what you're saying. I picked on the example of your fetishy/boytoy ideal, but that probably wasn't very fair, because I was really making more of a vanilla point about men & women in general.
But still, I would bet good money that the guy you eventually fell for, who became your husband, even if he didn't meet your boytoy criteria, met all of your *husband* criteria to a "T".
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