RE: Brief responses

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: Brief responses

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Brief responses

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: Brief responses - 5/11/2009 10:27:15 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KoolnSassy

This is directed more to subs...<snip>Why don't you treat your petition/response to a Domina more like a job resume - provide information about yourself that tells us what you have to offer us and why we should take a particular interest in you?<snip>...

not a male here but to be honest with you, i laugh at people who expect me to jump through hoops in the 'getting to know you stage', especially when it comes to what i have to offer...

i have a whole lot to offer the right person, but they'd have to invest time in getting to know me up close and personal before they'd get a clue; even then, i might not like them enough to want to offer them anything, and vice-versa.

sooooooooooo, in other words, submission is not a job interview for scrubbing toilets, painting toenails, eating pussy, etc., and dominance is not a job...

they are both something that is borne from desire, which means you have to get to know the person, not their qualifications! jeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzz!!!!!!!

(in reply to KoolnSassy)

Post #: 21

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 1:03:16 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KoolnSassy
Oy - whatever. I'm not here to argue - if you are - enjoy!

Um... It's a discussion forum. It's where people discuss things - you know - crazy cat ideas where you give your thoughts and other people give theres. If you are only here to tell people what to do - for you, well you may be in the wrong place? That is what the profiles for isn't it? But then, how would you know?

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to KoolnSassy)

Post #: 22

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 1:20:16 AM

LadySweetOrSour

Posts: 1415
Joined: 3/21/2009
Status: offline

I think the OP was meaning more about those first emails that contain a "sincere" desire to serve, but contain very little information on the person doing the emailing in the first place. I don't want a wish list of "dirty/kinky things you would do to me Mistress" type emails. I want more about the boring aspects of life, do they live 6 billion miles away? Do they have a job that will only allow meeting once a month? Are their lives so incredibly busy that they can only see me at their convenience (yes, that was a recent attempt at trying to actually meet a sub in the first place. He emailed me when "he wasn't too busy at the gym or at the pub" and asked if he can come and serve that evening, roflmao).

While I don't want to know someones life story in the first couple of emails, I certainly need to know if there is any point in taking at all. If a sub has so much on that he can only see someone when it's convenient for him, then him asking to be trained and promises of anything he has to do to get me, is a bit silly. That's just an example, of course.

I have often noticed that when I ask a sub if he wishes to ask me anything, he often says he doesn't need to know anything specific. Or he starts giving me his sexual wish list of what I will do to him. I'm not saying that all subs are do me types, I have had the priviledge of meeting some very nice people from here, but perhaps thats what the OP meant by brief responses?

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 23

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 10:50:15 AM

AlexandraLynch

Posts: 778
Joined: 3/24/2008
Status: offline

I am pretty frank in my profile about what I want from a submissive, and I attempt to give a good picture of what sort of dominant I am. I'm not anybody's diaper-mommy. I'm not interested in feminizing a man to humiliate him or just to make him pretty. (If I want to buy a woman clothes, I could use some new ones...) I'm not a bitch-goddess. I'm not a fetishist in leather and six inch heels.

If someone reads my profile and decides that that sounds interesting, they are free to write me, and we can start finding out more about each other. It's much easier when we both know that no one's going to want to wear my panties, or is trying to deliberately provoke me into losing my temper at him.

_____________________________

I use fastreply. Don't take offence where none is meant.

Just because I'm not a bitch doesn't mean I'm not perfectly capable of making sure you'll be very sorry if you disobey.

(in reply to LadySweetOrSour)

Post #: 24

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 10:56:34 AM

KoolnSassy

Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have told people to think of meeting a dominant as a kind of job interview... adding that the idea is to create a solid first impression of yourself and your character. If you want a person to remember that brief contact, and make them want to know more, what would you say?

Last night I had a 45 minute conversation with a local man, and kink was not mentioned ONCE. Amazing. We're having dinner next week.

Thank you. Yes, this is actually what I meant in my post. I certainly wasn't saying, create and send a resume. I don't believe that's what my post stated. I was simply attempting to offer an idea as to what might make a sub someone I'd be more likely to respond to. And I whole-heartedly agree, it's a 2 way street. A sub deserves the same so I updated my profile with more specifics.

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 25

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 11:20:51 AM

KoolnSassy

Posts: 65
Joined: 5/5/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

I have told people to think of meeting a dominant as a kind of job interview... adding that the idea is to create a solid first impression of yourself and your character. If you want a person to remember that brief contact, and make them want to know more, what would you say?

Last night I had a 45 minute conversation with a local man, and kink was not mentioned ONCE. Amazing. We're having dinner next week.

Thank you LH, yes, this is what I was attempting to communicate. Guess my wording was confusing. I certainly wasn't saying a sub should create a resume and present it. I was hoping to compare the mindset of "present your best self and don't think that one line or 2 is enough to inspire interest from a Dominant your interested in." Edited - didn't know the first post went through, so this is a repeat - kinda sorta.

< Message edited by KoolnSassy -- 5/12/2009 11:22:03 AM >

_____________________________

If you don't know what you're doing, why do you think I know?

KoolnSassy

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 26

RE: Brief responses - 5/12/2009 12:29:42 PM

WestBaySlave

Posts: 501
Joined: 9/24/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KoolnSassy

This is directed more to subs - particularly the males. Dominant: So - tell me about yourself - sub: uh well I want to serve you and worship you. It's all about you and blah blah blah - we've all heard it. Then you go on to tell us all about your kink interests and desires. Many of you are professional business men. Why don't you treat your petition/response to a Domina more like a job resume - provide information about yourself that tells us what you have to offer us and why we should take a particular interest in you? I think if you can take the focus off your kinks and think about what you really have to bring to the D's life that makes you more valuable and useful to them, you will probably find yourself more successful with Dominants. Just an idea.

I don't like getting to know someone on interview terms. First and foremost, I'm looking for a person to have a life with. Hopefully, that's what they're looking for too. I'm happy to answer any questions about myself, but if I have to try to convince someone to want me in their life, then we likely aren't right for each other anyhow.

Now when getting to know someone initially, there are always little yes and no check marks we have about potential partners ( "Reasonably educated - yes. Has five dogs - no." ) I tend to assume this sort of thing goes on silently on both sides. However, a lot of it can be discovered just by asking clear, direct questions and being open and honest when answering them.

As for my kinks, I actually find those the hardest things to talk about because I'm such a kink omnivore. If it's something two adult males can do and no serious injury comes of it - give it a go! If I find a man I care about and trust enough to engage fully in BDSM activities, then what gets me off is what gets him off. Saying "it's all about you" isn't a lie or a way of selling myself to a potential dom. It's not altruism, either. I'm just wired that way.

Usually the first things I talk about when meeting a dom online are what kind of relationship they're seeking, and then if it seems we're not seeking totally incompatible things, start getting to know him and introducing myself and suchlike. Just every day life things, like work; family; friends; personal history; likes and dislikes. Kink is really a small part of life, all told.

< Message edited by WestBaySlave -- 5/12/2009 12:30:42 PM >

(in reply to KoolnSassy)

Post #: 27

RE: Brief responses - 5/14/2009 12:10:31 AM

Carnae7

Posts: 72
Joined: 11/29/2008
Status: offline

I fully agree with Chamberqueen!! Be interested in me and interesting to me. Ask questions, tell a bit about yourself, make some type of comment about something you read in my profile. In other words, put in some effort with me in particular.

I realize it can be very discouraging to keep making the effort to communicate, and then, if you get rejected, it's even harder to keep trying; but if you want something, you DO keep trying.

But I read something above that just sets me off!!! So, I'm going to detour slightly and say this.

I find it verrrry RUDE and inexcusable to just delete a message without reading it, and worse - without giving some type of response! If a person has made an effort - to whatever degree - to say they find you interesting, you can at least have the common decency and courtesy to give a reply! Even if it's to say, "Sorry, but I'm not interested." It takes very little effort to extend such courtesy, and leaves that person with a positive image of you, and what you are really like. To be soooo disgustingly rude as to not even bother to answer just proves that ultimately, YOU weren't good enough for them anyway.

_____________________________

How far is Heaven? Only as far away as my Master.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 28

RE: Brief responses - 5/14/2009 4:36:09 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

If the d type wants a great conversationalist in a partner, they ought to demonstrate that they themselves are one. And "tell me about yourself" does not do that. It demonstrates lazyness on the part of the d that they don't even know what they want to hear. Either that or magical thinking wherein they expect the s to be a mind reader.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 29

RE: Brief responses - 5/14/2009 6:50:06 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

I, for one, am LOUSY at talking about myself in re: 'intimate' terms. YOu wanna talk about books, music etc? I'm good. Wanna talk about the deeper bits of what make me tick? not so much. I'll answer direct questions, but ya gotta ASK, because I have no idea what it is you want to know if you just say "tell me about yourself". How the hell am I to know what it is about ME that YOU want to know.

the resume idea is ok for people that are comfy with spilling their inner selves, IMO, but for those of us that are not, it just wont work. We need guide points... direct questions about specific things that can spark a jumping off point for info.

I hope to hell that all made sense...LOL

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 30

RE: Brief responses - 5/14/2009 7:59:28 AM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

i cant really comment on this, since im female. but i have to say, some of you dommes are a bit scary

- just saying... quietly creeps out of the room and shuts the door veeerry carefully.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 5/14/2009 8:00:16 AM >

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 31

RE: Brief responses - 5/15/2009 12:09:14 PM

agirl

Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline

When I hear *Tell me about yourself* I respond with * What do you want to know?*. It's just such a boring and dull thing to say that it is almost impossible not to reply with an equally boring and dull comment. Ask a specific question or two, to at least give some idea what field you're in.

agirl

(in reply to KoolnSassy)

Post #: 32

RE: Brief responses - 5/15/2009 1:06:26 PM

stella41b

Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline

Better still be prepared to invest some time and effort in getting to know someone rather than going by one or two e-mails or going by first impressions. I personally feel that a lot of the common problems you find people experiencing in D/s type relationships posted all too often on these boards come from people not bothering to get to know one another first and going into the kink, sexual aspect or some sort of dynamic too early. It goes without saying that while you're taking that time and trouble to get to know someone you also have to give them the chances to get to know you and to be able to develop whatever it is you're both wanting to develop with each other. This is neither magic nor rocket science.

ETA The only similarities I find between intimate or personal relationships and business is that both require a certain amount of investment and both involve a certain amount of risk.

< Message edited by stella41b -- 5/15/2009 1:08:10 PM >

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to agirl)

Post #: 33

RE: Brief responses - 5/15/2009 1:20:51 PM

Fadingthought

Posts: 41
Joined: 5/13/2009
Status: offline

I think you should ask the sub a specific question about their profile and give a little bit about yourself. First messages shouldn't be long or drawn out. Simply "Hey, I see you really like Rock Music, who is your favorite? Mine is blah blah blah.

That way they can see you actually read their profile, are looking to get to know them, and they can read yours. If you have a "If they don't like xxxx, then that is a deal breaker", put it in your profile. But (I think) a lot of us are pretty flexible on the specifics of play so it isn't a big deal.

(in reply to stella41b)

Post #: 34

RE: Brief responses - 5/15/2009 4:49:45 PM

pinkwind

Posts: 367
Joined: 1/9/2005
Status: offline

Asking broad spectrum questions such as "tell me about yourself" leads to tongue tied, shortened responses.

Asking more specific and open questions would engender more fulsome responses and give plenty of opportunity to ask yet more open questions and help draw a person out, put them at their ease.

Communication, from the initial contact onwards, is a two way street, and if you cannot give as much as you expect to get, then short and useless responses are all you are going to get.

You may be their Domme eventually, but not initially, not until it's been agreed between you both. Before that all that's going on are conversations between two possibly compatible people finding out about each other.

_____________________________

pink...
Master Andy's emotion...

From Each According To His Abilities, To Each According To His Needs.

(in reply to KoolnSassy)

Post #: 35

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Brief responses

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.184