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Demspotis -> RE: When is it "real"? (5/11/2009 8:09:39 PM)
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A relationship is real when both people know and agree with sincerity that there is one. The means by which they communicate (for example, IM, phone, letters on paper, or speech or touch in person, etc., etc.) is not what makes it real or unreal.
The difficulty comes in because some people are deceptive to others, creating a false impression of a relationship; and because people can also fool themselves about a relationship, resulting in a one-sided, unreciprocated pseudo-relationship.
Also, some people consider online communication to be a forum for role-playing, and go so far as to consider that any play they do with others is insignificant, "unreal" relationships. But... there is a false premise there: role-playing is not necessarily insincere for all people. Some people may value relationships even if they are formed during and for role-play. We can understand this from offline role-playing. There are large "real-world" role playing games, such as the Society for Creative Anachronism. Even though they are games, though complex and deeply involved, people form real, life-long, and even intergenerational, relationships through them and in them.
And, let's not forget, even in in-person relationships, not in games, but in "real" life, there are lots of people out there who lie, cheat or scam. Face to face, in person. So, the fact that things like that also happen in cyberspace does not in itself mean that online relationships are not real.
There is certainly a difference between relationships that are carried on in different arenas... cyberspace, phone, physical presence, etc., but it's not a difference of reality or unreality. Relationships can be real or unreal in any of them. In the end it depends on the people involved.
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