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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 6:39:07 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

To add to Irish's post---
 
Dominant does not equate to: " I can or am willing to rescue you or solve all your problems"

Nice point

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 6:49:37 AM   
silvermuse


Posts: 259
Joined: 6/8/2007
Status: offline 		~fr~

Master used to have WKS, but over the years he's turned from a WK into a knight with tarnished, battered armor.

Yes, he will protect what is his, but he no longer dives in to protect the damsel in distress.

muse

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 7:53:18 AM   
army101


Posts: 42
Joined: 5/2/2009
Status: offline 		Been there done that and stopped doing it. Too damn many problems and grief trying to rescue people. Lot more fun and relaxing being the Black Knight with dented and rusty armor, so you can see what you will be getting!

People cause their own damn troubles so let them find their way out of them. But when you are under my care then you will get the help you need and dont know of needing it.

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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:41:26 AM   
allthatjaz


Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline 		I think any one of us would help out a family member or friend if need be. That doesn't make us rescuers, just human.
They say that a typical rescuer will continually look for further problems in the person they saved and that once that person doesn't need anymore help and god forbid finds happiness, that the rescuer will often resent that person, feel used and move on to find another victim.

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Profile   Post #: 24
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:41:36 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		Well, I can hardly speak for all dominants. But I have noticed that all male dominants that I respect also seem to come with a very highly developed sense of protectivness towards females in general and theirs in specific -- some might call it over-developed. I try hard to keep mine under some semblance of control.

< Message edited by leadership527 -- 5/12/2009 10:42:17 AM >

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:44:31 AM   
antipode


Posts: 1787
Joined: 4/19/2004
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quote:

constantly coming to the rescue of some damsel in distress


I have always thought of the White Knight Syndrome as done by men who target women when they are in a fragile state of mind..

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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:59:56 AM   
LaTigresse


Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I used to have a strong tendency towards this type of behaviour. I realized several things.

Number one, I don't have the patience for the damsels in distress. The reason being, they are almost ALWAYS in distress. I just end up wanting to bitch slap them back to the womb, and not mine...

Number two, if the knight isn't a predator (which is often the case, and I could have fit that as well) the one getting rescued becomes the one with the power. And I am pretty adamant about being the one in control of the relationship. I do not like being puppeteered.

So now, I avoid any hint of that sort of thing like the very plague. I save my rescuing tendencies for my 4 legged furry babies and demand my slave/s be functioning adults.


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 11:10:37 AM   
porcelaine


Posts: 5020
Joined: 7/24/2006
Status: offline 		i really like to help people. to know that i've made a difference in someone's like in some capacity. that makes me feel as if my presence is positive. however, i've also come to accept that isn't always welcome. people are content in their lot in life, or merely want to vent and complain, but change isn't what they're seeking, or advice for that matter.

in situations such as these i realize the best thing i can do is absolutely nothing, respecting that persons limitations is important. i think it is wonderful to give, but we must also be willing to accept when our help is not warranted or desired as well.

porcelaine


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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 11:27:15 AM   
missturbation


Posts: 8290
Joined: 2/12/2006
From: another planet
Status: offline 		~fr~
 
I had damsel in distress syndrome when i was in my teens. Too many fairy tales and sweet dream romance books caused it i'm pretty sure. Soon outgrew it though.

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 12:15:26 PM   
LadyConstanze


Posts: 9722
Joined: 2/18/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Joseff

   
    So, what can anyone tell me about White Knight Syndrome? Does anyone have similar stories?



You may want to look up helper syndrome, same thing, I think most people have at some point in their life suffered from it.

There is nothing wrong with helping somebody who is genuinely in distress, harsh circumstances, something out of their control, life dealing a cruel blow, etc. But after making the same experiences you made, I decided to take a step back and only help a person who is willing to help him- or herself. It doesn't mean I am unsympathetic or that I'm not willing to give them the initial hand, but they have to show me that they are willing to work on the situation, not relying on me to make it better, I can't - they can!

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 7:46:43 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		My White Knight must have lost his map and/or fallen off his horse years ago, because he never showed up to rescue me.  I’ve had to manage on my own all this time, and I’ve done quite nicely without him! 

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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 8:27:57 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I would like to thank you all for responding. I'm beginning to see that what was going on back then maybe wasn't what I had always thought it was. I had always thought of it as my "Dudley Dooright" alter ego to my inner "Snydley Whiplash" reality. In other words, that I was creating a hero shell to disguise my true villian personality. I went through a lot of heartache back in those days, and I'm glad to have left it all behind. It seems that what changed it for me really was coming to terms with what I really wanted in life. Now I proudly twist my handlebar mustache and crack my whip. "Someone hand me my top hat, Tess Truehart will give me that deed!" 

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Joseff

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Profile   Post #: 32
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 9:40:50 PM   
LovelyLadyJ


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/7/2009
Status: offline 		I too have had a tendency to "rescue".  I have always felt that I was so strong (strong-willed?) that I could take on and handle things others could not handle.
 
As I have developed spiritually I have come to understand that no one is going to be happy until they take responsibility for themselves.  I no longer attempt to "rescue" but will offer uplifting words and encouragement.  I will not own anothers' issues. 
 
I had never heard of the White Knight syndrom and found this discussion interesting as I definitely used to suffer from its effects.  Of course, I created my own life and knowing that and liking who I have become I have to bless everything that came before that brought me to this place.  While I could tell sad, sad stories I prefer to think of the inner strength and fortitude I have today that would not be here if I had not had those experiences.
 
Lady J

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Profile   Post #: 33
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:24:33 PM   
NuevaVida


Posts: 6707
Joined: 8/5/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Joseff

    Many years ago, while I was coming to terms with who and what I am, I went through a phase where I wasw constantly coming to the rescue of some damsel in distress or another. I repeatedly threw myself into situations where I was basically used by women who inevitably went back to the scum bag who treated tham like trash. Eventually, I accepted myself as I am, and that tendancy in me died off. I always referred to this time as my White Knight period, and pretty much assumed it was unique to me.
     A few weeks ago, however, during a group interview with a friend who is working on her degree, I mentioned this, and happened to notice a couple other dominant men in the group nodding. So, it is not unique to me, so I began to wonder, is it unique to those into BDSM, or just dominants, or just men? I did use the CM search, and though I found several mentions of White Knight Syndrome, most seemed to involve dominant men who want to save damaged submissives. As I already stated, I kind of grew out of it when I started pursuing BDSM as a lifestyle, basically when I started my current relationship, going on 24 years now.
    So, what can anyone tell me about White Knight Syndrome? Does anyone have similar stories?


It is my opinion that White-Knight-Doms look for weak or distraught submissives to rescue because that is the only place they can find their power - however real or perceived it may be.  These white knights are generally not men and women who can effectively dominate someone whose strength and wisdom is equal to their own, so they seek someone who will come to look up to them in awe, as their hero - a sure ego feed.  The trouble is, if they are truly successful in pulling the distressed from his/her state...then what?  They end up with someone of equal power and strength, and don't know what to do with him/her.  The only way to retain their own sense of power is to push the formerly distressed back into the weakened state of mind and try to keep him/her there.

I imagine this little game has a shelf life, and  can not continue for very long after that. 


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RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/12/2009 10:41:15 PM   
Vendaval


Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline 		Joseff,
 
Take a look at the literature on codependency that is available in any bookstore and Online.  If you need some more information my mailbox is always open.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/codepend_articles.html

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/13/2009 5:45:41 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks Vendaval, I actually did some study of codependence back in those days. It's strange that I never made that connection and applied what I learned to myself. Its also strange to look back on those times and try to apply some logic to them, I mostly remember them as a roller-coaster of chaotic emotions. 

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This is gonna hurt...

Joseff

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/13/2009 5:58:50 PM   
DivaLadyTJ


Posts: 30
Joined: 10/14/2008
Status: offline 		Yes, I'm guilty of it..... in two instances so far.  One is my slave blossom, who I adore.  The 2d is a male who lasted 4 days before I was able to get him away, and it only took 2 days to see that it was wayyyyy out of my abilities.  I work with a MD/Psychiatrist/Psychologist, and have the word out that the shield is on my door.  I will help, when I can and am able.  But my priorities are for me and mine..... in whatever form my family takes.

Ms TJ

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/13/2009 6:09:40 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Joseff

    Many years ago, while I was coming to terms with who and what I am, I went through a phase where I wasw constantly coming to the rescue of some damsel in distress or another. I repeatedly threw myself into situations where I was basically used by women who inevitably went back to the scum bag who treated tham like trash. Eventually, I accepted myself as I am, and that tendancy in me died off. I always referred to this time as my White Knight period, and pretty much assumed it was unique to me.
     A few weeks ago, however, during a group interview with a friend who is working on her degree, I mentioned this, and happened to notice a couple other dominant men in the group nodding. So, it is not unique to me, so I began to wonder, is it unique to those into BDSM, or just dominants, or just men? I did use the CM search, and though I found several mentions of White Knight Syndrome, most seemed to involve dominant men who want to save damaged submissives. As I already stated, I kind of grew out of it when I started pursuing BDSM as a lifestyle, basically when I started my current relationship, going on 24 years now.
    So, what can anyone tell me about White Knight Syndrome? Does anyone have similar stories?



Been there, done that and have the t-shirt and ball cap too. I tend to be an honorary big brother to a lot of people who just need a hug or someone to talk to at times and in an emergency a shelter and protection. With me it's a no strings situation as long as my help doesn't impact negatively on my home and family. besides which I do have others I can call in to give professional help too.. Neets does the same..


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/13/2009 8:51:46 PM   
SIRLOINSTEAK


Posts: 84
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: darklight17

The cure is easy- become a sable knight. All this means is that you become more confident in what you are worth. You don't go looking for trouble, or in this case to rescue; instead, you place the shield on your door and wait for someone to strike it with the maul. Then you can answer the call with confidence.

I was rambling, but the damsel in distress these days is often in the distress of his/her own doing. I was only mentioning confidence because it seems to me at least that it is like going after the wounded. Why? Everyone has scars, sure, but getting screwed isn't fun either. I don't think this helped very much, sorry. I just liked reading white knight and using analogies from antiquity.


At least you seem intelligent and are trying.....

A little less cocaine my friend. Just sayin' ;/

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: White Knight Syndrome - 5/13/2009 8:55:38 PM   
SIRLOINSTEAK


Posts: 84
Joined: 3/30/2009
Status: offline 		I had a prophetic dream where I was with a girl who was in a wheel chair (paralyzed from waist down). Now I have a white-knight symdrome, where i push women away. Just the truth....

I really don't want to be the cause of a woman I'm romantically with (permanent "the one" type of relationship) to be paralyzed, and I could be partially to blame.....

I am not really living in fear, but this is kind of scary. I kind of stopped having prophetic dreams after this one, well, I had one other.....

Maybe based on timing I have bi-passed this one so it won't happen.....

Haven't been in a serious relationship in my life, probably because of this dream.....

(in reply to SIRLOINSTEAK)
Profile   Post #: 40
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