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Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 1:00:27 AM

darklight17

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I don't know if this is a common occurance, but it seems that quite a few people "aren't sure" whether or not they are into BDSM. Are there issues for others when someone wants to talk about stuff one night, then they can't for a few weeks or disappear, and then they are "back" another? I'm more than understanding of having multiple endeavors with life and such. I work like everyone else and have to maintain some figure in society (it's a strange figure, but nonetheless), but yet I don't understand why people are so two faced to others "in on the scene". I'm feel like if they are having such moral conflict in the first place, then they shouldn't dive in.

And I had a bad strawberry which is egging this on. Sorry if this is grumpy.

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 1:28:48 AM

Fitznicely

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When I speak to people who aren't "into" SM, but who are interested in WIITWD, I make sure to point out to them that I know I'm in the
minority, that 99.9% of the rest of the world ISN'T into what I do and if it's not for them, it makes them normal and me the freak...

Which is cool, cos I'm happy with who I am, comfortable with how other people will label me and pretty much settled in my life.

If they're not...meh, that's for them to sort out, not you. Shrug, wish them well, walk on. What else can you do?

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:01:31 AM

Andalusite

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I'm guessing that he means here on CM, rather than in person. I don't have an answer, though - I don't usually go into a lot of detail about kink with people I talk to online - much more fun and hotter to do it in person, and I'm not into cybersex or online BDSM.

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:10:45 AM

Lockit

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I don't do the anal... I am confused, lost, not sure... but I really want this on weeks 4 and 6. I see them often coming online trying to get a fix, then they get one from someone willing to do that or just want some dominance and/or attention with some kinky talk, then run away... until they need the next one.

Until they process their own feelings and desires... I am not investing any of my time or self. Many will email me with one nick and run, then come back with a new nick and re-approach. I notice something similar and ask about it. Really... do they think I will fall for the game the second time around? lol

I am sorry for anyone who is confused or not sure, but many stay that way for many years and the struggle is something they aren't coming to terms with or making progress on. I can understand and talk to someone on occassion about some confusion, but I sure as hell am not interested in talking about it mulitple times. I am no one's fix for a lil attention and talking about kink and self. Get it together or go away.

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:16:44 AM

RedMagic1

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The only way to know if you like something is to try it. I think a lot of what Lockit is talking about at least, stems from people who are online because they're putting their toe in the water, and afraid to proceed. This includes people in their 50's (and up) who have had kinky desires their whole lives, but have never done anything about it.

There are plenty of things I have never done and would like to try, but at this point I know how to try new things, and I'm not afraid of going places I've never been.

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:26:40 AM

antipode

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quote:

but it seems that quite a few people "aren't sure" whether or not they are into BDSM

There are an awful lot of people who are in relationships, or can only access when Dad isn't home, or who have presence on 40 different dating boards and social sites, and then there are the attention junkies. Like this: you're sitting in a bar talking to someone, she then goes off to have a 45 minute conversation with someone the other side of the bar, then disappears outside to talk to a girlfriend on her cellphone, then, on her way back to her bar stool gets stopped by someone else, then stops with you long enough to exchange pleasantries while you buy her another drink... what would you conclude?

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:27:11 AM

Lockit

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I don't mind someone getting their feet wet. I do understand, but I do not do repeats who go back and forth for years. I don't care what they are doing or for how long, I am just not going to be a part of it. As a dominant, I hear or see this a lot! I was scared... so I closed my account after wasting how many dominant's time... and then started this new account because I really need and want this, only to repeat the pattern over and over.

I've seen many times over someone who will present fairly well and you will talk to them in getting to know them. Then they disappear and show up later wanting that attention again and thinking that fear will be understood and people will fall for the line. It becomes a line when one never gets past that fear or changes anything.. even if it isn't a lot. They want to talk about their desires or need to submit and most often will try to get something out of it. I walk away fast... but I see them working other dominant's repeatedly. I often have a good lil laugh over it, but am sorry for the next dominant they are working. I have watched a number of them do it year after year, playing the same, new to this, lost, confused... not sure... oh can you answer a few questions for me bit. And every new dominant that shows up gets a visit from them! lol

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:43:48 AM

RedMagic1

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Female subs can do very similar things to male doms, too -- especially if the dom has a white knight complex. Just as there are male subs who are serial wankers, there are female subs who are serial damsels in distress.

Oh, and by the way, Ms. Lockit. You are so wise, could I ask you some questions? Lots of questions? You see, I have a recurring desire......

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Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:49:28 AM

porcelaine

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i can understand the need for privacy some have due to familial and career obligations. it isn't something i'd go broadcasting to my grandparents either. but i am honest with the people in my life. it takes too much energy to maintain multiple identities and i feel like i'm compartmentalizing myself in the process.

you will have to decide if you prefer to be with someone that has come to terms with their sexuality and is ready to take the plunge. not thinking about it, weighing their options, etc. you might query potential interests by discerning if their involvement includes an online presence, materials read, or active participation in a group outside of this medium and attendance at lifestyle oriented events.

while the latter two don't guarantee that flakes won't slip into the pack, i've generally found that action speaks louder than words. many are attracted to the idea of dominance and submission, and their idea of such requires very little movement at all. good luck

porcelaine

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RE: Conflicted minds - 5/12/2009 8:49:51 AM

Lockit

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LOL Red... You are so bad! It's not nice to rub things in faces! Well.. not like that anyway... hehe

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