Swann
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Joined: 8/29/2005
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I am becoming increasingly saddened by what I read on various groups, other mailing lists, contact sites and personals sites.
For all intents and purposes, here is The Ugly Duckling's Practical Guide to Internet Sadomasochism. If I have left anything out, amendments to the Guide can always be made.
Without further adieu ... Here are the ten MOST COMMON types of Internet-related denizens of the electronic Kinkdom:
1). The TRUE MASTER or TRUE MISTRESS:
"Pig! I am a (Domme,Dom)! I am going to rape you. I am (>18, <99) years old and I know EVERYTHING!! I've read *ALL* the Gor books, including the lesser knowns no one else has ever HEARD OF! I've read everything on castlerealm.com! I've read Different Loving, or at least the first page of it! NOW ON YOUR KNEES BEFORE ME, BITCH!!"
Mystifying Caveat:
"And here's a photo of my (pussy, cock) because *I KNOW* you just can't live another day without seeing it!! And don't bother with anyone else!! Everyone who isn't me is either a poser or a wannabe!!"
2). The FINANCIAL BITCH PRINCESS
"Pig! I am a Domme! I am going to rape your wallet. Send me your cash NOW!! You can use (Paypal, Keen, Adult Check) to send Tribute. It doesn't matter that I can't tell the difference between a ping pong paddle and a leather spanking paddle, you will PAY ME!!"
Mystifying Caveat:
"Don't you just WANT to pay me to blackmail you when you see me on cam in a torn white nighty, a cigarette hanging from my mouth and my fuzzy slippers up on the desk?"
3). The ANONYMATOR
(Submissive example given, but works both ways)
"Hi. How r u? a/s/l? R U a pig? I can b if u want me 2b."
Mystifying Caveat:
"Hey, I'm n2 bdsm 2. Y don't u want to domin8 me?"
4). The TRUE, REAL TIME MALE SLAVE
"Oh, Mistress, please let this piggly-pig serve you in anyway I can(Translation: How about you just tie me up and fuck me ... and be my sugar momma, too?)."
Mystifying Caveat:
"I want to be kept as a sissy slut. I want to be your maid. Of course, I don't really want to work, I just want to dress up and prance around all froofy, all the time!! And, of course, you can always offer to pay for my surgery ..."
Caveat Emptor:
"Mistress, I read your words and am fill up with delight at thought of serve you. I love you good. Long time. No other Mistress ever have such effect for me. I want come to your country and be your full time pig slave and serve you in every way. Please sponsor me for immigration to (Canada, USA, Great Britain)..."
5). The TRUE, REAL TIME FEMALE SLAVE
"Oh, Master, your words sang to me. I so want to be your 24/7 piglet slavegirl (Translation: How about you just tie me up and fuck me ... and be my sugar daddy, too?)."
Mystifying Caveat:
"I want to be kept as a sissy slut. I want to be your wife. Of course, I don't really want to work, I just want to dress up and prance around all froofy, all the time!! And, of course, you can always offer to pay for my surgery ..."
Caveat Emptor:
"Of course I'm female! No I don't have a web cam, mic, or phone, and I don't meet in real life, but can you cyber Dom me? No? Well if you won't trust me then you are just a pig, and I'm not talking to you anymore (Until I come back tomorrow under another name, anyway)!
6). The MALE DOMINATED POLY HOUSEHOLD
"My Master has ordered this pig to find a pig 'sister' for me to play with."
Mystifying Caveat:
"Oh, no ... I am a slave, too. I won't have any problems with you sleeping or playing with my (husband, boyfriend, significant other) on a regular basis, and always forcing me to watch!!"
7). The FEMALE DOMINATED POLY HOUSEHOLD
"My Mistress wants to cuckold me. She wants me to find another pig for her stable."
Mystifying Caveat:
"Oh, no ... I am a slave, too. I won't have any problems with you sleeping or playing with my (wife, girlfriend, significant other) on a regular basis, and always forcing me to watch!!"
8). The LESBOHEMIAN
(Not really sure if she's "female" or not)
"NO MEN! NO MEN! NO MEN! NO MEN! I am a LESBIAN! CAN'T YOU READ, YOU PIGS??"
Mystifying Caveat:
"Yes, that picture is really me. Yes, I know I bear a striking resemblance to Carmen Electra. I get that all the time."
9). The TRANSGENDERED LESBOHEMIAN
(Damn sure she used to be a man)
"My name is Sally, and I'm a pre-op TS lesbian. NO MEN! NO MEN! NO MEN! NO MEN! I am a LESBIAN! CAN'T YOU READ, YOU PIGS??"
Mystifying Caveat:
"Yes, that picture is really me. Yes, I know I bear a striking resemblance to Carmen Electra. I get that all the time."
10). The STABLE OWNERS (Non-Poly)
"(I,We) (am,are) a (couple) looking for "real 24/7" pigs to do all the work around (the apartment, the trailer, the house, the farm, the ranch). If you're a slave you'll do this for your (Master, Mistress). (I, we) (AM, ARE) NOT LOOKING FOR PLEASURE SLAVES!! Do not expect to be (tied, chained, whipped, played with)."
Mystifying Caveat:
"Sex is out of the question. You will turn over your paycheque and you will get an allowance. HURRY! SPOTS IN THE STABLE ARE FILLING UP!! No, really!!"
****************************
If I've somehow managed to forget your type, please forgive me ... although admittedly, there is one glaring omission, but that was done on purpose, because this species seems to be becoming extinct at an alarming rate:
The Respectful, Educated, Open, Tolerant and Accepting Real SM Practitioner ... and believe me, *I* certainly make no claim of falling into that category these days, either ...
< Message edited by Swann -- 2/5/2006 3:39:57 PM >
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