Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (Full Version)

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chronos1976 -> Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 3:17:53 PM)

Hi,

I was reading this BBC news article about emotional intelligence:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8044571.stm

it says:

quote:

Women who are more "emotionally intelligent" get greater pleasure from sex...These women were better able to monitor their own and others' feelings and emotions,


and

quote:

Emotional intelligence seems to have a direct impact on women's sexual functioning by influencing her ability to communicate her sexual expectations and desires to her partner.


This got me thinking:

BDSM is all about communicating expectations and desires between partners (male and female, sub and Dom) as well as being aware of and expressing emotions. So:

Do you think there is a higher incidence of people who are emotionally intelligent in the BDSM community than in the vanilla community?
Is emotional intelligence a prerequisite for exploring BDSM fantasies?
Do males and females have the same level of emotional intelligence? Is this the same in the vanilla and BDSM populations?

I'm interested in your thoughts.



Prinsexx -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 3:54:31 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chronos1976



Do you think there is a higher incidence of people who are emotionally intelligent in the BDSM community than in the vanilla community?
Is emotional intelligence a prerequisite for exploring BDSM fantasies?
Do males and females have the same level of emotional intelligence? Is this the same in the vanilla and BDSM populations?

I'm interested in your thoughts.


What a great OP.
i'm really interested in emotional intelligence. Interested because the ealiest defintions and research pointed to the differentiation between emotional based intelligence and problem solving intelligence. Suggestive of problem solving intelligence somehow being more efficient.
i think it's problematic assigning gender to either or. That's my first point. i think a large part of defining intelligence confuses what is innate and what is learned...haven't read your lin and also know that nature-nurture debate is a long and hard one and don't want to start on it.
However...i also know that i solve most issues using a high EQ. Ok so using an emotionl quotient like i do pisses a great many people off. Coupled woith being highly intuitive and extrovert i suppose i have the sort of personality you either love or hate.
But in relationship to bdsm? Yes it goes with the territory for me. What else can i say? If i'm on an even keel emotionally then everthing else seems to follow. Being able to judge my own emotional needs, having insight into them, noting the connection between my emotions and my sexuality, being able to 'feel' Master's needs, and mood is also quite special... as the position of slave doesn't, as far as i understand it, require one to ask too many questions, to analyse one's way through what is required of one. or indeed to have to analyse what is required in service. It's an empathy kind of thing. And emotional intelligence and empathy are soul sisters. Just an opinion and sorry if it's not that well thought out.



leadership527 -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 4:27:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chronos1976
Do you think there is a higher incidence of people who are emotionally intelligent in the BDSM community than in the vanilla community?
Is emotional intelligence a prerequisite for exploring BDSM fantasies?
Do males and females have the same level of emotional intelligence? Is this the same in the vanilla and BDSM populations?

I should think that 30 seconds reading these very boards would dsabuse you of all thse notions.

And here ya go Joseff and subsequent readers...

Emotional Intelligence (EI), often measured as an Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ), is a term that describes the ability, capacity, skill or (in the case of the trait EI model) a self-perceived ability, to identify, assess, and manage the emotions of one's self, of others, and of groups.

There is not exactly widespread agreement on what EQ in terms of underlying models, but then again, I'm not sure anyone really has much of a grip on good ol' IQ either.



Joseff -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 4:34:03 PM)

Please define Emotional Intelligence. I'm thinking about the post, but I'm not sure I totally understand the phrase. Does it mean something like Emotional Maturity? I know I could look it up myself, but I have dialup, and it'd be really slow. Also, you'd save others some time too.



catize -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 5:34:06 PM)

quote:

I'm interested in your thoughts.  


Emotional intelligence; a vague catch phrase that means being aware of one’s own feelings as well as other people’s?  And this makes sex better?  Suddenly, I am aware that I am feeling the luuuv!  (oh, and of course, the pain, since I am masochistic).



IronBear -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:00:47 PM)

FR

I have a problem relating to both Emotional Intelligence and Problem Solving Intelligence simply because there is Intelligence which may be used with Emotions as the engine or Problem Solving being the engine. For that matter there are numerous other engines like Success, Revenge, Gratification (Sexual and non sexual) and Survival which can be linked to Intelligence to achieve results. Best I comment that engines like revenge are often not emotional especially when revenge is taken years or even decades after the event. (Ask a Celt or a Sicilian about such things). 



NuevaVida -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:01:52 PM)

It's a term that I've seen bandied about in the corporate world in the last 10 or so years.  Businesses were understanding that there is an emotional aspect to leading and managing employees, not just technical, business smarts, etc.  "Experts" found that the ability to manage emotions can greatly affect the success of the organization.

The term came out of Yale, I believe, and basically means knowing what you're feeling, understanding how others feel, and knowing how your actions can affect others.

In other words, being self aware.

And no, I do not think people into D/s and BDSM are more intelligent - emotional or otherwise - as a group, than any other kind of group out there.  We're just a group of people who manage relationships differently and who like to play differently.  I'd be willing to bet the ratio of smart to stupid in those who are into D/s and BDSM is about the same as it is anywhere else.



KnightofMists -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:03:15 PM)

It's an interesting conclusion from the study.... However I would like to appreciate how the study established what each person's 'Emotional Intelligence' was and more importantly what they defined EI as.  I would also like to see other studies done using the same parameters in different parts of the world and see if the results can be repeated.  It would also be interested in noting what other variables they compared besides EI and if there are secondary affects besides EI to the end result.

Lastly, as far as the BDSM lifestyle.... I think it is rather early to make any sweeping generalities because of one study. 

I am going to have to see if I can fine the study!



IrishMist -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:04:36 PM)

quote:

Do you think there is a higher incidence of people who are emotionally intelligent in the BDSM community than in the vanilla community?

No
quote:

Is emotional intelligence a prerequisite for exploring BDSM fantasies?

No
quote:

Do males and females have the same level of emotional intelligence

Some do, some don't.
quote:

Is this the same in the vanilla and BDSM populations?

Once again, sometimes, and sometimes not.
quote:

I'm interested in your thoughts.

My thoughts is that this is nothing but another attempt to 'show' that those involved in BDSM, M/s,, and D/s are somehow special.

It's all a crock of shit if you ask me



NuevaVida -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:08:18 PM)

Here is a list of articles and studies from John D Mayer, who, along with some others, coined the term, defined it, and developed tests for measuring it.



DesFIP -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 6:15:07 PM)

No
No
Unknown
Yes



MidMichCowboy -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 7:03:18 PM)

No I don't think people involved in BDSM have higher EI or IQ or anything. In fact, I think a large proportion of the people are frauds. I see a lot of men who will use it to try and get laid. I see women who will trade being a sub or slave for being supported so they don't have to work. I see people trying to make money off of it. I see selfish people who are only interested in satisfying their fetishes, not someone Else's. I also see those who use it as an escape.

There is a small proportion who have honestly faced strange needs they have and found a way, in relationships to fulfill them.

I've seen businesses try and use EI to make employee's become more productive. I've seen them use it to try and get rid of discontent. So, I don't have a lot of belief in how a lot of these tools are used.

I think honesty and facing what we need are the most important things we can do. I believe that matching our needs in a loving relationship is the healthiest way to deal with them.

That is this cowboys opinion ... for what it is worth.



SIRLOINSTEAK -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 8:46:38 PM)

I'm sorry, the BBC is pushing propoganda to try to motivate people to buy more shit.....help the economy.....

EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is how much you accomplish in your life, materially. You get this by selling goods and services to other humans or get other humans to work for you, etc, to make money to buy crap.....

what I'm trying to say is that EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE is being used like SANTA CLAUSE & OLD SAINT NICK in the example.

I call 'em like I see 'em.

What is so silly is that those who acquire more assets can buy devices that do give more pleasure (lots of high end vibrators cause multiple orgasms, etc). I wonder if the person who wrote the news article went out with the money they made to buy a vibrator. lol. Just Sayin. (baby needs a new vibrator -> write obscure article about it).....



aBondageTop -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 8:56:27 PM)

No.



Joseff -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 8:57:41 PM)

Well, I suppose then that I am reasonably emotionally intelligent, at least I now understand the term. And yes, I understand my emotions, rather well.

I have observed that female dogs tend to be more intelligent than male dogs, but I can't say that I've noticed a substantial difference between the sexes in humans.

No, I don't think that people involved in BDSM are have more of any type of intelligence, but I have encountered less people of lower intelligence within the comunity, as opposed to without.



SIRLOINSTEAK -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 9:18:21 PM)

Emotional IQ also represents being happy with what you got, and striving to work hard to get stuff. These are the type of people Women want to be with, and look for.....

because ultimately they can go shopping and the guy can just make more bread to spend.....




NihilusZero -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 9:28:20 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: leadership527

I should think that 30 seconds reading these very boards would dsabuse you of all thse notions.

50 points.

In addition, it's strangely tautological to say that people with higher "EI" fare better in issues dealing with relationships. It's like saying mechanics are normally better at taking care of their own cars.



SIRLOINSTEAK -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 9:36:50 PM)

Hold on a second, Emotional intelligence can mean many things.....

People use words and apply it alot to different things...like

"How do you like dem apples" - the context shows exactly what is meant.....

Emotional intelligence also can mean how happy you will be/are in relationships..... Are you seeking self-destructive relationships or relationships that can prosper and grow into something meaningful....

Sorry, I have low emotional IQ. ;0 No relationships beyond 3 months and not rich. ;0 Sorry sweety, your cute but its been 3 months....



dreamysubmale -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 10:17:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chronos1976

I'm interested in your thoughts.



What are my thoughts? I think we put too much emphasis in too much research and statistics which in themselves can be faulty and we tend to forget the simple things in life.



SailingBum -> RE: Emotional Intelligence and BDSM (5/13/2009 10:43:02 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: chronos1976

Hi,


This got me thinking:

BDSM is all about communicating expectations and desires between partners (male and female, sub and Dom) as well as being aware of and expressing emotions. So:

Do you think there is a higher incidence of people who are emotionally intelligent in the BDSM community than in the vanilla community?
Is emotional intelligence a prerequisite for exploring BDSM fantasies?
Do males and females have the same level of emotional intelligence? Is this the same in the vanilla and BDSM populations?

I'm interested in your thoughts.



yer prolly not gonna like what I have to say. Scholars have been saying for centuries re IQ tests saying they are culturally biased.... now your posing a question referencing  EQ and how one set of ppl may or may not be emotionally smarter.  Whatever youve been smoking Ill take a couple keys of it.

It's littreally... nevermind  BadOne



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