Caring traits of a Master

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Tslaveboy -> Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 11:04:34 AM)
I've recently been watching some male domination videos. I'm starting to notice that some male Dommes seem to care about the experience that their female subs are having. I always thought that the male Doms just took what they wanted. That the female submissives just had to accept his dominant role. I'm still learning. Maybe someone could set me straight on this. Could someone explain the dynamics of Dom/sub relations.

tiinkerbell -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 11:16:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy I've recently been watching some male domination videos. I'm starting to notice that some male Dommes seem to care about the experience that their female subs are having. I always thought that the male Doms just took what they wanted. That the female submissives just had to accept his dominant role. I'm still learning. Maybe someone could set me straight on this. Could someone explain the dynamics of Dom/sub relations. It has been my learning experience that everyone is different. Some do care, and some will not care. What's important is that you decide for yourself. There is no right way or wrong way in how a person acts/deals with/treats another person; whether that person be a submissive or not. Just my thoughts [:)]

Tslaveboy -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 11:29:07 AM)
I've been contacted by submissive women within the last couple years and in the beginning turned them down. But now that I've seen some videos of male Doms who show this caring side and seem concerned with making the submissives experience a fulfilling one; I'm having second thoughts. I'm seriously thinking I might be able to bring something special to a relationship. I guess for myself, it's not all about me. I'm still exploring and trying to understand.

tiinkerbell -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 11:33:55 AM)
quote: I guess for myself, it's not all about me. I was once told 'my caring about my property has nothing to do with the property. I want a relationship; it falls into place that in order to have that, I have to care to some degree" Just because you care about the person you are with does not mean that you are not making it about YOU; it simply means that you are making it about US. If you need to feel close to that person, and he/she needs the same; it's no longer about one person or the other; it becomes 'about us'.

Tslaveboy -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 11:42:39 AM)
It's true. Maybe that's why I've been approached. Relationships never were a priority that was taught to boys. I still have lots to learn.

GeekFreak -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 12:44:07 PM)
Here is, in brief, my own personal stance on a Master's role (when related to this topic)... For me, it's almost like any other relationship -- My goal is to fulfill that person's needs and I hope that person fulfills my needs. A good portion of my domination is done so with the intent to dominate as the partner would like to be controlled. Now, sometimes this is very clear what I'm doing -- ex. You don't like being gagged with duct tape...it hurts your mouth to remove it...well, I may not do that nearly as often or may search for tape that is easier on your skin. However, other times, dominating with the goal of fulfilling my partner...is well...less easily recognized - ex. You've disobeyed and I'm going to remedy that with such and such a punishment. Now, yes, my partner may hate (or even dislike) the punishment I choose, but I am still often doing it because it's what she wants. She wants to be in a relationship where she can be punished, where she can be forced to do things she'd rather not do of her own choosing...she doesn't like the specific moment, but the overall dynamic it creates is something she craves. Really...you'll find such relationships are going on even by those who claim "I take what I want". Yes...they do...(some)...and they may not consider the other a lot. But ironically, the sub is probably only there because they want a man/woman who would do such things, and anytime the dominant realizes this, he is indeed thinking of her thoughts and feelings and acting in accordance.

agirl -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 12:50:40 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy I've recently been watching some male domination videos. I'm starting to notice that some male Dommes seem to care about the experience that their female subs are having. I always thought that the male Doms just took what they wanted. That the female submissives just had to accept his dominant role. I'm still learning. Maybe someone could set me straight on this. Could someone explain the dynamics of Dom/sub relations. I can only speak for myself and my relationship.....I've been in an M/s relationship with M for years and I can assure you that if he DIDN'T care what experience I was having I doubt we'd be together in the first place. Of course he CAN take what he wants and not give a single thought to what I experience, and sometimes he does. My experience is one of having an exceptionally high amount of interest and care about my experience....OUR experience, whatever it is. He's incredibly considerate and thoughtful...........FAR more than I am, in fact. People enter into D/s for many reasons and some of them wish for that type of treatment. It suits them: it's what they actually want........therefore they are STILL getting what THEY wish for. I didn't enter into it to please and serve and to give someone what they want......I entered it for my own selfish reasons, namely, to have his authority and control in MY life. The dynamic we have, is simply one where HE has the control and authority to decide what happens in my life. I just mosey along, living my life the way I want to, and he interjects when he thinks he needs to. ( He can't stop it raining though....damnation!*) I don't spend my whole time wondering what he wants, or thinking about making his life easier and all those kinds of things, he can do that for himself quite smoothly. If he wants me to do something , he asks. That's about it, really. agirl

Fadingthought -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 1:03:38 PM)
Submissive are the one that hold the true power, you are not taking anything that they didn't give to you. So you better care for them. Now, that doesn't mean you can't take a whip to their thigh and hit them until they start to bruise. It could be as simple as caressing that thigh gently afterwords or between really hard hits, give them that human contact and let them know that you do care. You are there to bring them through an experience, steel is strongest after it's been through the fire. An example: A while back I had an old submissive standing on a stool tied up, and strung up over a beam in the garage. I was using a cane, which she hated, and I could see she was starting to lose it and break down. So I stepped up on the stool, wrapped my arm around her and whispered in her ear "You can do this, you are strong enough" Then I stepped down and picked up a flogger, after I hit her with it, she told me she wanted the cane. So I think you absolutely have to care about your submissive. If someone submits to you, they are yours, I take good care of all my things. Also, I wouldn't get too much of your information from porn, there is some good stuff out there, but would you learn how to have vanilla sex from porn?

Fitznicely -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 2:11:17 PM)
I take good care of any sub in My power, because that's how I percieve my duty as Master...My girl looks to me to be kept safe and whole, so naturally, during play, she has a safeword and I'm watching over her, gauging reactions and such... Hell, I've played with a subbie I've disliked intensely and STILL ensured she's cared for. D/s aside, it's common nature, I think. At the end of the day, I don't think many people could entirely detatch and treat the sub on the other end of the whip as just meat to be used. They're a human being after all, who's put their wellbeing into your hands. That's a huge responsibility and one that most people would take very seriously.....I hope.

lizi -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 2:24:59 PM)
Everyone is different, everyone interprets and fills their respective roles differently. Dom A is different than Dom B and Dom C. What is important and natural to each person will come out over time and with experience. Yes, some Doms take what they want irrespective of what the sub wants. Some Doms make the sub the center of attention trying to fulfill what they think the sub wants. Probably some do both. Personally I find the caring type of Dom to fit me the best and that's what I look for. Others want different. It's just a matter of finding the right fit with someone. I've been told by a caring type Dom that his domination style is very close to what he is in real life, a nuturer, protector, and teacher. The D/s is just an extension of who he is. Is he a hardass when he wants to be....yes, absolutely. Many people may confuse being caring with being a pushover but really it takes great strength and self confidence to look out for someone else's needs.

DesFIP -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 3:24:52 PM)
If he didn't care about me, I wouldn't let him get within 10 feet of me. Let alone have him tie me up and be at his mercy. Because if he didn't care about me, there would be damn little mercy to be had. Moreover, if he never cared about my pleasure, and I was always unhappy, I wouldn't be here. I'd walk. Now with that said, having him just throw me down and take me is incredibly hot. Here's this man with massive amounts of self control, and my wandering past in a skirt while carrying a laundry basket can incite him to overwhelming lust. What's not to love about that? But our relationship is not solely d/s. We are partners, sharing the raising of a blended family, we are lovers, we are best friends. And I wouldn't partner with anyone, let alone let them near my kids, if he wasn't capable or interested in love and caring. I deserve more than an uncaring "do this or get caned within an inch of your life". I deserve to be loved and cared for.

Tslaveboy -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 3:44:40 PM)
Relationships of all types are complex arrangements. D/s is no different. I'm still new to all of this and I need to think about this more. Everything everyone has told me is helping me understand things better.

leadership527 -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 4:18:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy I've been contacted by submissive women within the last couple years and in the beginning turned them down. But now that I've seen some videos of male Doms who show this caring side and seem concerned with making the submissives experience a fulfilling one; I'm having second thoughts. Just for the record, my slave also happens to be my wife -- the self-same person that's been the most important thing in the world to me going on 15 years now... So yeah, I love and care for her and nurture her in every way I know how. In the end, it is YOUR relationship, not someone else's. Do what works for you and your prospective partner. What I can absolutely attest to though is that you won't find a shortage of female subs/slaves who want a nurturing caring relationship.

lizi -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 4:51:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Tslaveboy Relationships of all types are complex arrangements. D/s is no different. I'm still new to all of this and I need to think about this more. Everything everyone has told me is helping me understand things better. It took me a little while of gathering information here and other places and then experience with different people to figure out what I wanted. In the beginning everyone asks you what you're looking for and I felt so stupid because I didn't really know and couldn't tell them. What helped me figure things out the most was meeting someone that clicked with me in a big way. I can now look at the reasons why we click and say ok this works for me, that doesn't...

agirl -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 5:09:13 PM)
I could type forever and a day about my relationship and it could appear abusive to some and marvelous to others. As long as it's marvelous to ME, that's what matters. Yep.........relationships are complex and the people IN them are too. In a decade, I've never found anyone with the same relationship I have...and I don't expect to either. I certainly don't expect to read about it online or see it in bdsm domination porn......'though there are bits that resonate , for sure. The thing is, your thoughts, below, are true for me...... quote (I always thought that the male Doms just took what they wanted. ) unquote It COULD appear* that he doesn't care at ALL about me if I described certain moments in time ......... It also could appear that he cares ONLY for me in others. It's all in the spin and what I care to share. agirl

GotSteel -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 6:37:12 PM)
If a subs needs go unfulfilled eventually she will leave to find someone who will fulfill them. So a dom who is trying to maintain a relationship does need to make sure her needs are being fulfilled. quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought Submissive are the one that hold the true power I can't agree with this, yes the mutual desire for a relationship gives the sub "true power" over the dom but it also gives the dom "true power" over the sub. I really agree with your last sentence though, porn is no place to be getting relationship advice.

Tslaveboy -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/15/2009 7:06:12 PM)
It's true that porn can't teach someone about relationships and the same holds true for a Harlequin romance novel. But they both do provide a reference for discussion. They both need some anchor to what people fantasize about or they wouldn't have an audience. I'm going to go back to the woman that wanted a TPE relationship with me and ask her about this. Is there anything special I should be asking? Sorry if I sound totally confused.

NihilusZero -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/16/2009 12:31:46 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought Submissive are the one that hold the true power, you are not taking anything that they didn't give to you. This would only be true to subs who aren't actually submissive but use the role as a means of having a bargaining chip. Maybe that would appeal to some, but considering how often I see disdainful comments about topping from the bottom, I'll hedge my bets that far more submissives understand that the domination they are receiving from their D-type is just as much, if not more of something being "taken"(/received) that their surrender.

Fadingthought -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/16/2009 12:57:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NihilusZero This would only be true to subs who aren't actually submissive but use the role as a means of having a bargaining chip. Maybe that would appeal to some, but considering how often I see disdainful comments about topping from the bottom, I'll hedge my bets that far more submissives understand that the domination they are receiving from their D-type is just as much, if not more of something being "taken"(/received) that their surrender. How many submissive do you have that are not a willing participant? You are only their dom because they want you to be, not taking care of them is the quickest way to change that. Submission is a gift, not a right. This has nothing to do with topping from the bottom.

NihilusZero -> RE: Caring traits of a Master (5/16/2009 1:10:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Fadingthought How many submissive do you have that are not a willing participant? You are only their dom because they want you to be, not taking care of them is the quickest way to change that. Submission is a gift, not a right. This has nothing to do with topping from the bottom. Submission is a "gift" for those who play the role selectively. It's quite their prerogative, true. Some submissives, however (imagine this), are naturally submissive. In that case, I would be their partner because they want me to be. The submission, however, would be a natural byproduct of that decision. And, I would think that such a decision would come with the assessment that they are receiving something they want (in the form of a dominant partner). And perhaps people like to adhere to this "gift" notion because of some perceived concept of altruism when, in actuality, we all act as hedonists to our own ends. Call it my own overly analytical quirk, but I'd consider anyone referring to their decision to enter into what is supposed to be a mutually beneficial relationship as a "gift" as someone trying to begin said relationship with a plus balance in their quid-pro-quo relationship bank account.

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