When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (Full Version)

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Goddess2002 -> When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 2:48:34 PM)

For those of you who engage in verbal humiliation or degredation with a slave or sub, to what extent does this reflect your true feelings for that person? For example, do you mean it when saying "you are nothing to me but a cum receptacle or slave whore?" Or,doyou use phrases like this, etc., simply to trigger an emotional response?

I guess different strokes...I'm just now getting into verbal play, but as one with a "loving Dominant" style I am finding it not so easy.



Fitznicely -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 2:53:45 PM)

Nah, I don't mean it. I do just use it to get the emotional response.

It doesn't mean you care less for 'em, or think less of 'em, tho it can be fun to get 'em all wound up, thinking so...

Just remember, they're subbing to You for a reason. They love what You do to 'em and, if the sub is that way inclined, a good dose of verbal abuse can be used to great effect.



tiinkerbell -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 2:57:49 PM)

quote:

"you are nothing to me but a cum receptacle or slave whore?"

Is something of that nature really considered to be humiliating?
Personally, I find it would be quite the compliment [:)]



DesFIP -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 3:19:22 PM)

The reason I don't do humiliation is that I do believe it. Doesn't matter if afterwards he says "ha ha, just kidding", I'm not going to believe the retraction. I will believe that this is how he sees me, in some way, and it hurts.

Beyond that, if he says later that he was lying, why should I believe that was the lie, and the nice stuff is the truth? If he can lie that easily, he could well be lying in the opposite. So if he does mean it, it distances us and destroys my self esteem. If he doesn't mean it, then he's a self proclaimed liar who I cannot trust to tell me the truth.



Goddess2002 -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 3:34:55 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

The reason I don't do humiliation is that I do believe it. Doesn't matter if afterwards he says "ha ha, just kidding", I'm not going to believe the retraction. I will believe that this is how he sees me, in some way, and it hurts.

Beyond that, if he says later that he was lying, why should I believe that was the lie, and the nice stuff is the truth? If he can lie that easily, he could well be lying in the opposite. So if he does mean it, it distances us and destroys my self esteem. If he doesn't mean it, then he's a self proclaimed liar who I cannot trust to tell me the truth.


Exactly! This is the conflict I'm feeling...I find it difficult to humiliate someone I care for. I'm trying to delve deeper to understand the dynamic a bit more.



DesFIP -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 3:37:39 PM)

Does he require verbal humiliation? Could you get enjoyment of seeing him crawl across the floor pushing a ball with his nose? Would he find that humiliating while you found it amusing?



leadership527 -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 4:06:23 PM)

I try to avoid saying things I don't mean... especially to my wife -- which now that I think of it, is probably one of the reasons I don't do humiliation.



pinkwind -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 5:01:39 PM)

So, i accept that verbal humiliation is just scene play acting, that it isn't really how someone feels. So how do i treat it as true and react? How can i change the fact i know it isn't meant?

Personally we have found that all the elements that Andy would want to employ as humiliation i actually enjoy, anything else he might try would just be so much hogwash and waste of energy because i already know it's not meant, nor even pleasurable to him.

i would rather keep things real and honest, and if verbal humiliation does not float your boat, or sit well with your style it might be better to look at other non verbal types of humiliation instead.




dreamerdreaming -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 5:22:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

For those of you who engage in verbal humiliation or degredation with a slave or sub, to what extent does this reflect your true feelings for that person? For example, do you mean it when saying "you are nothing to me but a cum receptacle or slave whore?" Or,doyou use phrases like this, etc., simply to trigger an emotional response?

I guess different strokes...I'm just now getting into verbal play, but as one with a "loving Dominant" style I am finding it not so easy.



I do verbal humiliation. Not degradation.
 
There's a huge difference. I humiliate my slave to lift him up, not to put him down. Its yummy for both of us.

If humiliation isn't your thing, that's fine. Whatever floats your boat. Control and humiliation are my major turn-ons. My needs fit together very nicely with my slave's needs. That's why I chose him.

If you have someone serving you who is really into humiliation, and its just not your thing... I can see trying out things to cater to his needs and desires if you want to- that's fine. But it seems to me that humiliation may be one of those things that you are either into, or not. Seems to me that its much easier just to pick someone whose needs and desires fit well with yours to begin with...

If you are a pro-Domme, go back and search my other posts on this subject- maybe that will help.



Jeptha -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/15/2009 9:27:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002

For those of you who engage in verbal humiliation or degredation with a slave or sub, to what extent does this reflect your true feelings for that person? For example, do you mean it when saying "you are nothing to me but a cum receptacle or slave whore?" Or,doyou use phrases like this, etc., simply to trigger an emotional response?

I guess different strokes...I'm just now getting into verbal play, but as one with a "loving Dominant" style I am finding it not so easy.

No - mostly it is a reflection of my own fantasy (but let's just keep that little secret between you and me); or it's elements of a fantasy of hers that are embellished and exaggerated. Or both.
Because I don't think it would work so well if both people weren't kind of charged someway by it.



Fadingthought -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 1:01:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell
Is something of that nature really considered to be humiliating?
Personally, I find it would be quite the compliment [:)]


This pretty much sums it up, some people love it, others don't.
Just like some people find being tied up and whipped pleasing and others don't.




porcelaine -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 1:10:38 AM)

i'd say yes and no. but it never meant in a derogatory manner and of course this depends on how you view the verbiage you're using. which simply means that at a given moment i am his cunt, receptacle, or whatever he chooses for me to be. this does not take away from me in any manner, but is merely a verbal representation of another aspect of who i am.

it is both a delicious mind fuck and a reminder of his authority. he can degrade, objectify, humiliate in one sentence, and uplift me as well in the next. that is both the power and beauty of ownership. i would say the words are just as important as the context they're used in. knowing your subject and yourself will help a great deal. enjoy!

porcelaine



LyraLaLaurie -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 1:25:27 AM)

I mean it. I'm an ice princess irl.



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 1:34:53 AM)

If you are finding it not so easy, maybe it just isn't your thing. You don't have to do it. I'm dominant and don't use pain on subs or humiliation. Try it, but if it's just not in you to feel ok with it, let it go.

If you're doing it to please someone else, is it really you being a dominant or you submitting to someone elses desires?



Goddess2002 -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 4:05:31 AM)

I always prided myself on being open to exploring new things...regardless of vanilla or BDSM related. What turns me on the most is seeing my subject truly get off on what is happening. So if verbal degredation is it...I'm willing to explore that and see where it leads. I guess just never having been exposed to it before, I'm trying to understand they psychology behind it. It's good to get different perspectives.

I'll try anything once...last year I would've NEVER gotten on a snowboard, but just tried it for the first time at age 41and am now hooked! [:D]



Delphinus -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 6:24:37 AM)

I think that the humiliation is true at that time.  We are both able to compartmentalize and when we both fit into that box at the same time, the results are fantastic.  (And my mind is so often already in that box that we rarely find a time when we are not there together.)  But we are able to pull ourselves away from there as well and not be wounded or worried about what was said. 

If I were with someone else, I'm not sure how I would feel about it all.  He and I have a great relationship and my trust and comfort lies in that. 

It has to be real for me.  I don't like role playing at all - even just the minimal "dress up like a cheerleader".  I wish I did as it would probably open up more doors for me. 



DomImus -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 7:23:00 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Goddess2002
I guess different strokes...I'm just now getting into verbal play, but as one with a "loving Dominant" style I am finding it not so easy.


Not every type of activity is suited for every person or couple. You may have found one that doesn't suit you. It's worth recognizing that fact. These forums are full of stories about ill fated attempts to fit square pegs into round holes

Edited for clarity.



myotherself -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 10:24:48 AM)

For me, it depends what he says.

"You're my slut; a filthy dirty whore" will get me so turned on I could turn cartwheels.

"You're a fat, stupid whore" will get me walking for the door.

As long as both are aware of the boundaries and understand what is meant and what isn't, then it's fine.



chamberqueen -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 10:45:10 AM)

The best person to ask is your Master.  Something was said to a slave once during a session and she cried.  It wasn't anything terrible, but a statement starting with, "you're only a ...".  When it was over she started crying harder and asked if it meant they were no longer friends.  He was shocked and held her while she cried and explained they were only words for that moment and not his overall opinion of her.  She came to enjoy the words during the session once she understood that she wasn't ever just one thing to him except in the throes of passion.  If she wouldn't have asked she would have felt totally degraded and next to worthless.  She needed to hear the words from her own Master's mouth and not from any third party.

You might be the same way and come to glory in the words if you have a chance to talk with your Master and find out whether the words are out of dominance during passion or whether he feels that's all you're really good for.  It can be very difficult for the tenderhearted to get used to, but if you know the reason behind it then acceptance comes much more easily.



nastytop76 -> RE: When You use verbal humiliation, do you mean it? (5/16/2009 1:23:14 PM)

I am a gay Master and I do engage in humiliation and degradation but as only part of a session unless it is a 24/7 slave but it is understood before we even start that this is part of it. It has to be agreed upon by both parties I do not enjoy anything in a session that both parties are not enjoying. does that mean that I won't play with a submissive that don't get into humiliation no it does not. Now the original question most of the time no I do not mean it but on a very rare occasion I do and I do not regret anything I say. I am not going to stop and think about everything that I say to a sub. especially during a session. I believe that most people do not understand that a true Master job is a very responsible position He makes the decision and second He is responsible for the welfare of his sub while he is under His control so you can take it as u wish as someone above stated everything is not for everyone. Every one to his own taste and actions.

Master Joe



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