RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (Full Version)

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Daydreamer27 -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 10:53:16 AM)
I like that preference too well he hasn't given me a hm # just work.. I'm so glad that I looked here for advice your reply s are so great...

stella41b -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 11:00:38 AM)
What a wonderful thing to start a new relationship and dynamic on - insecurity, fears, doubts and perhaps guilt. Smart move by the OP to reject this option and move on to look for a more experienced and compatible dom with whom she will feel much more comfortable. Submission is so much better an experience without all the aforementioned negative emotions above. Best wishes.

Daydreamer27 -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 11:35:04 AM)
Hi, I know what a way to start off a new relationship huh? I'm so much smarter than this. My Universe has given me signs to follow and well here I go..

stella41b -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 12:09:44 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27 Hi, I know what a way to start off a new relationship huh? I'm so much smarter than this. My Universe has given me signs to follow and well here I go.. And the very best of luck to you too. Be sure to have a blast.

tiinkerbell -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 12:13:46 PM)
~fast, general and off topic a bit ~ Good afternoon I have a question that has been bugging me since this thread was posted. It sort of has to do with what is being discussed; but then it also kind of heads off topic; and for that I do apologize. My confusion and question stem from everyone stating that when you meet someone, you should take matters of safety very seriously; tell friends where you are, meet in public, phone calls, etc etc. I understand the underlying concept of this; BUT, on the other hand, I also see everyone stressing that 'you must trust him/her'. If you are meeting someone, and feel the need to put all these safety measures in place; aren't you in fact, NOT trusting the person? It just seems a bit contradictory to me. Trust someone; but make sure that people know where you are because you don't trust them. It has me pretty confused.

lizi -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 1:42:03 PM)
Even though you seem to have a connection with him online it doesn't always translate into a connection in person. Meet him for something quick in public before moving onto something in private. It makes sense from a safety standpoint and from the point of view that you might just not really like him all that much. I have had lots of meeting with prospective dates where I was surprised in the end that even though I thought it was going to be all that it just wasn't. Real life is nothing like online or talking on the phone. As others have pointed out he may not be exactly the way he has presented himself to you via pics or whatever prior to this, you never really know until you meet the guy. Trusting in your gut instinct is a fine concept but at this point it's all one sided and you don't have a lot of information to draw from- only what he has told you thus far. Which may or may not be true. Meet him, then give yourself a bit of time to think. What's the hurry? As I said I've had plenty of these first time meetings in a vanilla setting (which is no different to judge if someone is what you're looking for or not) and the one thing that comes to mind is how different it can be from what I thought was going to happen. Some people are surprising in a positive way, some not. There is also the ever elusive spark of attraction- that can't be judged at all until you are face to face with someone. It may be a colossal waste of time to go to a motel and find you'd just rather go home and read a book.

califsue -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 1:54:42 PM)
I have met and played the first time but it is a risk that I take. If I was 27 I don't know if I would do it as the world has changed since when I first began exploring 20 yrs ago. One of the things I would recommend is looking for some munches or kink related groups in your area. Many have public/private play events so this would allow you to experience and explore in your interests in a relatively safe/sane manner without meeting someone you have only talked online with. As well, you might find a mentor in person or find your Dom in that kind of setting. I know all munches are different, some don't like going and such but being your location is in SoCalif you are in a prime location to find and attend many BDSM events. All the best on your journey.

Daydreamer27 -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/17/2009 5:19:52 PM)
Thank you I am going to try to go hang out at groups you are right I am in a Prime area and I feel I put this side of me off for long enough now... I am going to take my safety into consideration as well.. Thank you a million people....

Chesterthemolest -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 10:32:03 AM)
I don't see the problem. The OP has a friend w/her & will set up a "call system" and she trusts her instincts. I did the same thing as did several folks on the boards, played on the 1st meeting. I met a dom online & we talked endlessly for a few weeks, I"m talking 8 hours a day, sometimes 12. We talked about a 1st time meeting in a public setting initially but weeks later he mentioned playing on our 1st meeting. I replied that I thought he wanted us to be safe & meet in public. He replied (lol) that it felt like we knew each other forever and by all means we can meet in public first but I said no, let's play. That was 3 years ago & we're still good friends, not dom/sub just friends. Some people aren't that lucky and get hurt. Go with your instincts OP and do what you're doing, setting up a back up system. I did that, I told a male friend where I was going and when & he called me to make sure everything was ok.....and it was.[;)] Keep in mind that even if you meet in public, people can put up a front for as long as it takes to get you alone so that's not much help either. You have to trust your gut.

OsideGirl -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 6:47:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: breatheasone quote: ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27 Hi, I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help... This bugs me....On so many levels Me too. First of all...he's not YOUR Dom. He's just some guy you've been talking to on the internet. He's a complete stranger. Next: You're going to allow that complete stranger to beat you. Lastly: You're allowing someone that is not your Dominant and is a complete stranger to determine offenses? My suggestion for preparing for this meeting is to go have coffee, keep your clothes on and figure out if you like him in real life. I've met a lot of people that I thought we're wonderful on the phone that when we met.....it wasn't there.

lovingpet -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 6:59:26 PM)
I am sorry that he treated you in this way. I can only imagine what he would have been like in a private setting. Take some time and look at who you selected and why. It is important to understand these things, so you aren't repeating the same mistakes over and over again. Also, you didn't mention who contacted who first, but I know I had much better success with people I selected to contact rather than picking through the responses I got. I am 3 for 3 actually. Wonderful men and good, solid relationships with all of them. Friendship to nearing ownership. I wish you all the best and I know getting into the real time community is one of the best moves you will ever make. People make and get reputations with others and you get to benefit from others' experiences. Just remember to take things with a grain of salt. One person's toad may be your prince. Be wary of your perspective if MANY people are warning you of the same thing. Still, have fun and I hope you find a keeper! lovingpet

sweetsmileysub -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 7:18:56 PM)
Take your time for there is NO rush in any of this. Take it all as if this is a Vanilla relationship. Value yourself first and remember safety. You dont know all the sides he may or may not have. Dont get caught up in the newness of being new to the lifestyle. It all can be overwhelming. Sassy

greeneyedreamer -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 8:46:13 PM)
OK, Not trying to beat a dead horse here but you have to have some RULES! One of my biggest, no excuses limits is NO PLAYING on the first meeting NONE. There is plenty to talk about and discuss and learn about each other. Playing isn't even a remote OPTION!!!!

YoungBlondeSlave -> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session (5/20/2009 8:51:21 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell ~fast, general and off topic a bit ~ Good afternoon I have a question that has been bugging me since this thread was posted. It sort of has to do with what is being discussed; but then it also kind of heads off topic; and for that I do apologize. My confusion and question stem from everyone stating that when you meet someone, you should take matters of safety very seriously; tell friends where you are, meet in public, phone calls, etc etc. I understand the underlying concept of this; BUT, on the other hand, I also see everyone stressing that 'you must trust him/her'. If you are meeting someone, and feel the need to put all these safety measures in place; aren't you in fact, NOT trusting the person? It just seems a bit contradictory to me. Trust someone; but make sure that people know where you are because you don't trust them. It has me pretty confused. Of course trust should be there, but i think trust should be developed. Not given outright. And, what's wrong with a little self-preservation. i mean, everyone mentions SSC...first S means Safe. So setting up safety calls and letting friends know where you are definitely falls into that realm. i really don't see anything wrong with that.

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