Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 10:53:16 AM   
Daydreamer27


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		I like that preference too well he hasn't given me a hm # just work.. I'm so glad that I looked here for advice your reply s are so great...

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 11:00:38 AM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline 		What a wonderful thing to start a new relationship and dynamic on - insecurity, fears, doubts and perhaps guilt.

Smart move by the OP to reject this option and move on to look for a more experienced and compatible dom with whom she will feel much more comfortable.

Submission is so much better an experience without all the aforementioned negative emotions above.

Best wishes.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Daydreamer27)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 11:35:04 AM   
Daydreamer27


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		Hi,
I know what a way to start off a new relationship huh? I'm so much smarter than this. My Universe has given me signs to follow and well here I go..

(in reply to stella41b)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 12:09:44 PM   
stella41b


Posts: 4258
Joined: 10/16/2007
From: SW London (UK)
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,
I know what a way to start off a new relationship huh? I'm so much smarter than this. My Universe has given me signs to follow and well here I go..



And the very best of luck to you too. Be sure to have a blast.

_____________________________

CM's Resident Lyricist
also Facebook
http://stella.baker.tripod.com/
50NZpoints
Q2
Simply Q

(in reply to Daydreamer27)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 12:13:46 PM   
tiinkerbell


Posts: 96
Status: offline 		~fast, general and off topic a bit ~

Good afternoon

I have a question that has been bugging me since this thread was posted. It sort of has to do with what is being discussed; but then it also kind of heads off topic; and for that I do apologize.

My confusion and question stem from everyone stating that when you meet someone, you should take matters of safety very seriously; tell friends where you are, meet in public, phone calls, etc etc. I understand the underlying concept of this; BUT, on the other hand, I also see everyone stressing that 'you must trust him/her'.

If you are meeting someone, and feel the need to put all these safety measures in place; aren't you in fact, NOT trusting the person?

It just seems a bit contradictory to me. Trust someone; but make sure that people know where you are because you don't trust them.

It has me pretty confused.

_____________________________

Allison

- Some People walk in the rain; others just get wet -
Roger Miller

(in reply to Daydreamer27)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 1:42:03 PM   
lizi


Posts: 4673
Joined: 2/1/2009
Status: offline 		Even though you seem to have a connection with him online it doesn't always translate into a connection in person. Meet him for something quick in public before moving onto something in private. It makes sense from a safety standpoint and from the point of view that you might just not really like him all that much. I have had lots of meeting with prospective dates where I was surprised in the end that even though I thought it was going to be all that it just wasn't. Real life is nothing like online or talking on the phone. As others have pointed out he may not be exactly the way he has presented himself to you via pics or whatever prior to this, you never really know until you meet the guy. Trusting in your gut instinct is a fine concept but at this point it's all one sided and you don't have a lot of information to draw from- only what he has told  you thus far. Which may or may not be true.

Meet him, then give yourself a bit of time to think. What's the hurry? As I said I've had plenty of these first time meetings in a vanilla setting (which is no different to judge if someone is what you're looking for or not) and the one thing that comes to mind is how different it can be from what I thought was going to happen. Some people are surprising in a positive way, some not. There is also the ever elusive spark of attraction- that can't be judged at all until you are face to face with someone. It may be a colossal waste of time to go to a motel and find you'd just rather go home and read a book.

(in reply to Daydreamer27)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 1:54:42 PM   
califsue


Posts: 593
Joined: 2/2/2008
Status: offline 		I have met and played the first time but it is a risk that I take. If I was 27 I don't know if I would
do it as the world has changed since when I first began exploring 20 yrs ago.
 
One of the things I would recommend is looking for some munches or kink related groups in your
area. Many have public/private play events so this would allow you to experience and explore in your
interests in a relatively safe/sane manner without meeting someone you
have only talked online with. As well, you might find a mentor in person or find your Dom in that kind
of setting. I know all munches are different, some don't like going and such but being your location is
in SoCalif you are in a prime location to find and attend many BDSM events.
 
All the best on your journey.

(in reply to lizi)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/17/2009 5:19:52 PM   
Daydreamer27


Posts: 10
Joined: 5/14/2009
Status: offline 		Thank you I am going to try to go hang out at groups you are right I am in a Prime area and I feel I put this side of me off for long enough now... I am going to take my safety into consideration as well.. Thank you a million people....

(in reply to califsue)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 10:32:03 AM   
Chesterthemolest


Posts: 13
Status: offline 		I don't see the problem. The OP has a friend w/her & will set up a "call system" and she trusts her instincts. I did the same thing as did several folks on the boards, played on the 1st meeting.  I met a dom online & we talked endlessly for a few weeks, I"m talking 8 hours a day, sometimes 12. We talked about a 1st time meeting in a public setting initially but weeks later he mentioned playing on our 1st meeting. I replied that I thought he wanted us to be safe & meet in public. He replied (lol) that it felt like we knew each other forever and by all means we can meet in public first but I said no, let's play.  That was 3 years ago & we're still good friends, not dom/sub just friends. 
Some people aren't that lucky and get hurt. Go with your instincts OP and do what you're doing, setting up a back up system. I did that, I told a male friend where I was going and when & he called me to make sure everything was ok.....and it was.

Keep in mind that even if you meet in public, people can put up a front for as long as it takes to get you alone so that's not much help either. You have to trust your gut.

< Message edited by Chesterthemolest -- 5/20/2009 10:33:16 AM >

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 6:47:46 PM   
OsideGirl


Posts: 14441
Joined: 7/1/2005
From: United States
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daydreamer27

Hi,

I'm new here as a inexperienced sub and just as new to the D/s life as well. I'm going to meet my Dom for the first time and have no idea as what I should and should n't do. I know that I have many offences due to me being a BRAT but I was never spanked as a kid so I'm not sure on how I might want to prepare for this  meeting? Any suggestion would be highly appreciated Please help...


This bugs me....On so many levels

Me too.

First of all...he's not YOUR Dom. He's just some guy you've been talking to on the internet. He's a complete stranger.

Next: You're going to allow that complete stranger to beat you.

Lastly: You're allowing someone that is not your Dominant and is a complete stranger to determine offenses?

My suggestion for preparing for this meeting is to go have coffee, keep your clothes on and figure out if you like him in real life.  I've met a lot of people that I thought we're wonderful on the phone that when we met.....it wasn't there.

< Message edited by OsideGirl -- 5/20/2009 7:08:13 PM >

_____________________________

Give a girl the right shoes and she will conquer the world. ~ Marilyn Monroe

The Accelerated Velocity of Terminological Inexactitude

(in reply to breatheasone)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 6:59:26 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I am sorry that he treated you in this way.  I can only imagine what he would have been like in a private setting.  Take some time and look at who you selected and why.  It is important to understand these things, so you aren't repeating the same mistakes over and over again.  Also, you didn't mention who contacted who first, but I know I had much better success with people I selected to contact rather than picking through the responses I got.  I am 3 for 3 actually.  Wonderful men and good, solid relationships with all of them.  Friendship to nearing ownership.

I wish you all the best and I know getting into the real time community is one of the best moves you will ever make.  People make and get reputations with others and you get to benefit from others' experiences.  Just remember to take things with a grain of salt.  One person's toad may be your prince.  Be wary of your perspective if MANY people are warning you of the same thing.  Still, have fun and I hope you find a keeper!

lovingpet

(in reply to OsideGirl)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 7:18:56 PM   
sweetsmileysub


Posts: 17
Joined: 4/30/2009
Status: offline 		Take your time for there is NO rush in any of this.   Take it all as if this is a Vanilla relationship.  Value yourself first and remember safety.  You dont know all the sides he may or may  not have.  Dont get caught up in the newness of being new to the lifestyle.  It all can be overwhelming. 

Sassy

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 8:46:13 PM   
greeneyedreamer


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		OK, Not trying to beat a dead horse here but you have to have some RULES! One of my biggest, no excuses limits is NO PLAYING on the first meeting NONE. There is plenty to talk about and discuss and learn about each other. Playing isn't even a remote OPTION!!!!

_____________________________

Dreamer, owned and ecstatically happy

I am still learning... Michelangelo, age 87

Maybe some women weren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they are suppose to run wild until they find someone just as wild to run with. Sex and the City

(in reply to Daydreamer27)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session - 5/20/2009 8:51:21 PM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell

~fast, general and off topic a bit ~

Good afternoon

I have a question that has been bugging me since this thread was posted. It sort of has to do with what is being discussed; but then it also kind of heads off topic; and for that I do apologize.

My confusion and question stem from everyone stating that when you meet someone, you should take matters of safety very seriously; tell friends where you are, meet in public, phone calls, etc etc. I understand the underlying concept of this; BUT, on the other hand, I also see everyone stressing that 'you must trust him/her'.

If you are meeting someone, and feel the need to put all these safety measures in place; aren't you in fact, NOT trusting the person?

It just seems a bit contradictory to me. Trust someone; but make sure that people know where you are because you don't trust them.

It has me pretty confused.


Of course trust should be there, but i think trust should be developed. Not given outright. And, what's wrong with a little self-preservation. i mean, everyone mentions SSC...first S means Safe. So setting up safety calls and letting friends know where you are definitely falls into that realm. i really don't see anything wrong with that.

(in reply to tiinkerbell)
Profile   Post #: 34
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2]
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive >> RE: Need advice about meeting Dom for the first session Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.078