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StrongSpirit -> Santa Interview (5/16/2009 7:31:13 PM)
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Q. So Santa, I think the big question, the one everyone wants to know is how do you deliver hundreds of millions of toys each Christmas? Even if you give out one present a second, well there are less than 90,000 seconds in a day
A. Well, first of all, I don't deliver to all the children, just the Christians. But more importantly, you are seriously over-estimating the number of GOOD little boys and girls.
Q. Excuse me?
A. Well, originally I gavel coal to the bad kids, but some people were intentionally bad during a cold winter. So I just stopped. Now a days I only give out toys to the good kids. I average about one toy a minute and still make it home in time for dinner.
Q. Do you have any problems with Polar bears?
A. No, they go down fine. Seals on the other hand give me indigestion.
Q. What do you do in the off season?
A. I just bought a condo in Boca. Right next to a nude beach.
Q. Doesn't Mrs. Santa object to that.
A. You'll have to ask her. Last I saw she was in Vegas.
Q. Do you have any plans to deal with Global Warming?
A. Well, I've been buying up some bankrupt factories in Detroit. There are some really good deals right now, real estate is very cheap.
Q. So why are you so jolly Santa?
A. I have a list of all the naughty girls and know how to sneak in via chimneys. Being jolly is not a problem.
Q. Well then, one last question. Can you give any advice to someone that wants to get on the good list?
A. Well for one thing you can stop sleeping with your camera man's wife.
Q. Joe, put the camera down man. Joe, I can explain. Please, put the camera down.
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