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BlackPhx -> RE: The dumbest thing yet in 2009 (5/19/2009 7:11:40 AM)
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Ok..I made it through the original post Uninhibited...You learned a very hard and expensive lesson, but you can recover. I can only offer a little advice.
Yes, there are some very real people on CM and other sites. I have met many over the past couple of years and they are wonderful very real people. Your scammers were real people too, just not very nice ones.
Our own needs can make us very vulnerable to people like this. We fill in the blanks and open ourselves up in ways were would probably not if it was a vanilla relationship. That deep seated need to be who we are at our core, with someone who understands and reciprocates can blind us to the warning flags that would normally have us backing away. We each have learned this lesson the hard way, perhaps not so expensively, but we do.
So advice.
Before you ever make plans to move, uproot your life or accept a collar, visit the people and get to know them. Not a play period, though if you feel safe that can happen, but get to know them as PEOPLE. Not Masters, Mistresses or whatever. Take a hotel room, rent a car and maintain your own space when you do so. What seems to work online may not face to face. Do this several times, until you have built trust in who they are and that who they are is who they are presenting themselves to be.
Friends who treat you the way yours have prior to this and after, are not friends. You need to reevaluate them and how you have chosen them in your life. This includes your Dominant Friend...IF you trust her to "protect" you and frankly the only one who can is you, then sit down and discuss the boundaries of that "protection". What control areas she has and those she doesn't and then stick to them and insist that she does as well. If she can't then it is time to walk away.
Most of all..take responsibility for yourself and if need be, get counseling to help you keep your need under control. There are many Kink Aware counselors out there who can help. The kink aware list can be found here http://www.ncsfreedom.org/kap/ . I would also suggest getting with your local munch group for support and also check out your local clubs for play time, demos etc. They can go a long way towards helping us hold ourselves in check and answering needs while we search for that special someone.
Good luck and remember you didn't get to be 50 by standing in the middle of traffic like a deer in the headlights. You can handle this and look safely for the right person if you remember to temper your heart and your needs by using your head.
poenkitten
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