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abspecialgirl -> RE: Am I being really unreasonable? (5/17/2009 9:28:40 AM)
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reckless,
as a "sort-of-newbie-but-not", you (we) are in a time and place in your (our) live(s) where you need to be extra careful. the transition from vanilla is a long, up & down roller-coaster ride, not a flick of the switch. you have been conditioned all your life to view relationships from a certain perspective (and with certain inherent needs); that understanding and those needs do not disappear overnight.
the newbie is eager to please, wanting to pass from the world of fantasy to reality; the unscrupulous will use that desire against you, to manipulate you into what they want you to be (as opposed to guiding you on a journey to discover what you *need* to be). in my (inexperienced) view, (from all that i have read), this is not a healthy Dom/sub dynamic.
in a healthy, mutual exchange, both are giving and receiving what they need: be it pleasure, trust, comfort, security, you name it. at this stage, it is imperative that you find someone who is on *the same page* as you -- not in terms of D/s, but in 'vanilla' terms. Someone who values your ideals of commitment and shared responsibility, reliability - damn, at the very least, someone who will simply be there for you in your time of need, not dump you to go 'play' elsewhere.
if someone makes you feel Less Than Special, in any way, then move on. That should be your standard. a relationship is still a relationship, regardless of the context, kink, etc. The basis of any solid relationship is trust. You have already lost that; it can not be won back. At best, you may spend the rest of your days wondering if you can truly trust him again. And to my mind, it will remain the one major obstacle to your submission, to *your* path.
The long and short of it is, the low-life you dealt with does not deserve the level of trust that you seek to impart upon a Dom. ...and there is nothing wrong with not wanting to share (lol), if that's how you feel, it's how you feel. Your feelings are *yours*, no one can tell you they're wrong, ever.
Learn from this, and move on. Somewhere out there is the One you are looking for, and He is looking for you. believe it (and make the possibility exist by putting that energy out there!). the time you spend "wondering" about that numb-skull, is time you could better spend elsewhere. Personally i don't feel you owe this dude a thing, not even an explanation; i think you would be entirely within your right to just 'disappear' (*if* that's what feels right to you). you are not collared or, for all intents and purposes, even "under consideration". all you've done is chat fer chrissakes, and the only solid thing here is YOUR EMOTIONS (not his!). If your moral code dictates that you should have a discussion with him, then follow that, but only when you are strong enough to stick to your guns... (Doms can be very convincing lol)
good luck,
-s.
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