looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy female subs

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy female subs

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy female subs

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy fema... - 5/17/2009 5:50:52 AM

CougarDyke

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

Hello, I have a question to Dommme's & Dom's that have had experience with first time shy young female subs. This girl has only had one vanilla lesbian experience. She is quiet and shy over the phone and I lead every phone conversation and it's hard to get her to talk about sex much on the phone. In e-mails she is a bit more relaxed and has yet to say that anything in my profile is off-limits and even encourages me that she wants it all.

No need for advise on males because I have never had a male say "stop"............LOL!

All my experience has been with females over 30 and with quite a bit of experience with the type of play I like and I never had them say stop, actually a few of them broadened my horizons! Most of my bdsm experience has been of the sexual nature and limited in the mental aspect.

The only time I played with a 20 year old female was one that I met on craigslist seeking rough sex, she ubruptly stopped me and said I had to leave, even though I had discussed what I was into before hand and she assured me she liked it really rough and it was just rough sex, not bdsm play. Inever had an older experienced female get overwhelmed and I sure don't want to do that with this sweet young thing.

So with this new young one, I have 3 times in e-mails and phone conversations I discussed and explained the use of safe words and how we will use them.(we have been talking on the phone for quite a few weeks, using text messagaing hourly & daily e-mails as well) She just changed her profile to "taken" so I would guess she is quite excited to meet me

I don't expect to play real rough with her but more tantilising and teasing that I am used to, but to get her relaxed and wanting it. It's a 4 hour drive to her town and my work schedule only allows an overnight stay, so I want to have fun, give her a good time and hopefully get something going on a regular basis since she has expressed and interest in coming and staying with me on her weekends.

What are some things I could do that would work the mental aspect of bdsm during the afternoon and evening with her? She is very kinky but has shown a small side of being service oriented. But any info with her is like pulling teeth.

I thought I could get some insight from any of you that have played with younger inexperienced non-talkative, shy females and what your thoughts and experiences have been.

Thanks!

Post #: 1

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:02:24 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

Same as anyone else new and nervous, I guess...start small and work up. Have her serve you - which she'll probably do anyway, you being a guest in her home...kneel for you...bit of body worship, simple bondage, have her assist you in bathing...all kinda fun and reassuring.

I wonder if she'll be half expecting the big bad D-type to come storming into the house, tie her down and have your wicked way with her all night - tho that does sound fun, maybe your angle should be more towards the "gentle dominance" side of things?

Have a laugh but remain in charge, if you know what I mean...

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to CougarDyke)

Post #: 2

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:13:33 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

First meeting I wouldn't expect anything hardcore at all. I would just spend time with her, getting to know her, watch her and see if she seems receptive to anything more. Leave her wanting more. After all, she is not on the other side of the world.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CougarDyke)

Post #: 3

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:18:03 AM

CougarDyke

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

Fitz, yes, I tend to be the "Big Daddy Dom" and come storming in and have them bent over instecting their pink bits in the first 30 seconds, then tie them up and torment them to my harts delight for hours!

any reason not to continue that behavior with a young newbie?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 4

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:22:40 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

"Fright" comes to mind LOL...

If that's what she's signed up for then all's good. At the end of the day, I know how I'd treat a new, inexperienced, nervous young doe, and I'd be ensuring there'd be a second encounter, so plenty of reassurance, tenderness and excitement. As LaT said, leave 'em panting for more

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to CougarDyke)

Post #: 5

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:24:10 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

"I really like you, and now I'm going to have my way with you. But please understand. You are not good at talking about sex, so I am going to have to guess about some of this. You matter to me, so I'd rather bore you than hurt you in a bad way. So I'm going to be cautious. If you want more, tell me. Afterward, if you think I didn't go far enough, tell me. And if you think something is going to be too much you have to tell me. Do you understand? Tell me what you understand. Good girl."

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 6

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:27:46 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarDyke

Fitz, yes, I tend to be the "Big Daddy Dom" and come storming in and have them bent over instecting their pink bits in the first 30 seconds, then tie them up and torment them to my harts delight for hours!

any reason not to continue that behavior with a young newbie?

I can think of a fair list of reasons.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to CougarDyke)

Post #: 7

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:29:08 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

(trying not to hog the thread, but...) Red, does that really work? Seriously? If I were listening to that, I'd be pretty close to "get on with it" by about half way thru... no offense n' all, just I'm not a fan of verbosity...

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 8

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:32:00 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

(trying not to hog the thread, but...) Red, does that really work? Seriously? If I were listening to that, I'd be pretty close to "get on with it" by about half way thru... no offense n' all, just I'm not a fan of verbosity...

You are not a 20 yo girl.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 9

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:37:52 AM

persephonee

Posts: 5089
Joined: 12/15/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CougarDyke

Fitz, yes, I tend to be the "Big Daddy Dom" and come storming in and have them bent over instecting their pink bits in the first 30 seconds, then tie them up and torment them to my harts delight for hours!

any reason not to continue that behavior with a young newbie?

::THUD::

Erm, soooo...CougarDyke....*blinkblink*

...i think i might have just swooned there for a second....gimme a minute to compose myself....*ahem*

i really think that sometimes its difficult for younger women to express themselves verbally in a sexual context and you wont really know how to proceed until you get there and she sees that you are not an ogre....if you see a relief and a relaxation, youll know how to proceed from there.

And for the record...given the right ambiant environment, RedMagic's statements might really turn her crank a bit....lots of eye contact and significant looks and pure honest dominance of an awkward situation....could work out.

_____________________________

You be the Captain; i'll be no one.

And You can carry me away....if You want to. ~Kasey Chambers

E*Whore, extraordinaire....

Nothing is exactly as it seems~Nor, is it otherwise.

(in reply to CougarDyke)

Post #: 10

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:38:41 AM

Katoteros

Posts: 9
Joined: 3/16/2009
Status: offline

I'm going to take the side of the shy newbie, being one myself, and say...take it slow and easy. I hate discussing sex over the phone, and it takes some getting used to when you sit and have a frank discussion about it. It's much better to not go far enough once or twice, than to go too far even once. SOO with that being said, ease her in to it, build up slowly, and watch her reactions. If she's comfortable with it afterwards, talk to her about likes and dislikes and go from there. Enjoy the innocence while you have it, it disappears quickly!

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 11

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:40:28 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

(trying not to hog the thread, but...) Red, does that really work? Seriously? If I were listening to that, I'd be pretty close to "get on with it" by about half way thru... no offense n' all, just I'm not a fan of verbosity...

You are not a 20 yo girl.

Nope, but I've had a couple and they'd be champing at the bit.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 12

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:41:18 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

does that really work? Seriously? If I were listening to that, I'd be pretty close to "get on with it" by about half way thru.

I'll be an arrogant dickhead and say that it works for me. I turn 41 next week, and I just had a first meet with a 22 year old. Everyone else's mileage may vary.

But, look, her wanting sex/play more than you is a good thing. I was on a first date once, at a woman's place, and she wanted to have sex that night. We slept in the same bed, but I said no sex on the first night. The next morning, she said how happy that made her feel, because I was the one in control. After she said that, we had sex. She's the one woman I met on Alt who I had a relationship with, and we're still friends.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to Fitznicely)

Post #: 13

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:42:05 AM

GYPZYQUEEN

Posts: 730
Joined: 4/14/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katoteros

.
quote:

SOO with that being said, ease her in to it, build up slowly, and watch her reactions. If she's comfortable with it afterwards, talk to her about likes and dislikes and go from there. Enjoy the innocence while you have it, it disappears quickly!

I agree here..
SLOWLY..yes firm and an iron woman...it is the strength and confidence that will be sexy...
BUT slow and easing into what you like..
MINDS FIRST
If this woman may be willing to be with you on weekends HOW WONDERFUL..then you will have time to BUILD...together..
talk..discuss...have feedback..as you go forward..

TO me...if there is a possiblitiy of long term play or relationship then
you are in the COURTING stage...wooing....loving...passion...
taking over her mind..
preparing her to be moulded..throught feeling safe..secure.."owned"
in mind...

best of luck

GQ

ps I don't go for cave style without a lot of talk..first

< Message edited by GYPZYQUEEN -- 5/17/2009 6:50:02 AM >

(in reply to Katoteros)

Post #: 14

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:47:38 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

does that really work? Seriously? If I were listening to that, I'd be pretty close to "get on with it" by about half way thru.

I'll be an arrogant dickhead and say that it works for me. I turn 41 next week, and I just had a first meet with a 22 year old. Everyone else's mileage may vary.

But, look, her wanting sex/play more than you is a good thing. I was on a first date once, at a woman's place, and she wanted to have sex that night. We slept in the same bed, but I said no sex on the first night. The next morning, she said how happy that made her feel, because I was the one in control. After she said that, we had sex. She's the one woman I met on Alt who I had a relationship with, and we're still friends.

Fair play to ya, Red. Nice going. I'll be honest, I get the squickies playing with girls I'm old enough to have fathered, but that's JUST me. I'm not judging or anything, I swear to god. Major kudos to ya.

Don't go assuming there, tho, bud. Same goal, different track. I'd be expecting sex/play, but going about it from a "We've plenty of time" buildup to fever pitch type way.

Of course it's all played by ear. if the chick turns into a sex mad painslut the moment Cougar's thru the door...Rock on!

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 15

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:48:50 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

So, it appears that there is a percentage that would totally dig the "grab em by the hair and fuck em silly" approach, and then there are others that would hate it. What those that will hate might do......well that is the sort of thing I would be taking into consideration.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 16

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:52:14 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

quote:

ORIGINAL: Katoteros

.
quote:

SOO with that being said, ease her in to it, build up slowly, and watch her reactions. If she's comfortable with it afterwards, talk to her about likes and dislikes and go from there. Enjoy the innocence while you have it, it disappears quickly!

I agree here..
SLOWLY..yes firm and an iron woman...it is the strength and confidence that will be sexy...
BUT slow and easing into what you like..
MINDS FIRST
If this woman may be willing to be with you on weekends HOW WONDERFUL..then you will have time to BUILD...together..
talk..discuss...have feedback..as you go forward..

TO me...if there is a possiblitiy of long term play or relationship then
you are in the COURTING stage...wooing....loving...passion...
taking over her mind..
preparing her to be moulded..throught feeling safe..secure.."owned"
in mind...

best of luck

GQ

Now THIS is the way I think.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to GYPZYQUEEN)

Post #: 17

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 6:53:13 AM

IronBear

Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline

FR

Bugger it, slap them into a strict convent you should run and rip in discipline (silence, hard work, kneeling and obedience) for five years and then collar them at the end of time served.....

If that isn't to your taste then there is the tried and tested method of taking each one as an individual and invest time and effort to train them to your liking. Those who resist or fail are not meant for you anyway.

< Message edited by IronBear -- 5/17/2009 6:55:16 AM >

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 18

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 7:12:07 AM

angelikaJ

Posts: 8641
Joined: 6/22/2007
Status: offline

FR

The advantage to the slower; leave them wanting more approach is that very likely there will be a second time (provided you both dig each other).

Too much, too soon?
Once you cross lines you can not un-cross them.
Something to consider when you are playing with someone who does not know what their limits are.

By proceeding slower you are giving her time to experience and fully process things.
Remember that sometimes the reality turns out to be totally different from fantasy...

(And for me, the idea of a finger crooked under my chin while someone said what RedMagic1 proposed...while he looked into my eyes?
That would work for me.)

edit: spelling

< Message edited by angelikaJ -- 5/17/2009 7:15:06 AM >

_____________________________

The original home of the caffeinated psychotic hair pixies.
(as deemed by He who owns me)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_3234821/tm.htm

30 fluffy points!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQjuCQd01sg

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 19

RE: looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy ... - 5/17/2009 8:08:44 AM

CougarDyke

Posts: 8
Joined: 4/19/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

"I really like you, and now I'm going to have my way with you. But please understand. You are not good at talking about sex, so I am going to have to guess about some of this. You matter to me, so I'd rather bore you than hurt you in a bad way. So I'm going to be cautious. If you want more, tell me. Afterward, if you think I didn't go far enough, tell me. And if you think something is going to be too much you have to tell me. Do you understand? Tell me what you understand. Good girl."

quote:

ORIGINAL: angelikaJ

Once you cross lines you can not un-cross them.
Something to consider when you are playing with someone who does not know what their limits are.

By proceeding slower you are giving her time to experience and fully process things.
Remember that sometimes the reality turns out to be totally different from fantasy...

(And for me, the idea of a finger crooked under my chin while someone said what RedMagic1 proposed...while he looked into my eyes?
That would work for me.)

edit: spelling

Both of these posts make me want to err on the side of caution. Like I said in my op, I have had a girl run out on me...LOL! ITheink she is a kinky slut and fron whet we discussed, she has never given me the indication that she wants to move slow at ALL. But fantasy is much different than reality and processing takes time.

On a side note......it finally looks like I actually met a real person here. Thanks GYPSYQUEEN for your help! It may or may not work out, but it is a beginning!

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 20

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> looking for advise on very young inexperienced shy female subs

Page: [1] 2 next > >>

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.094