Have you ever been found out?

Have you ever been found out? (Full Version)

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SweetEscravo -> Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 6:28:25 PM)
Has anyone here ever had someone such as a family member, friend ect find out about their lifestyle by accident? Or, have you ever tried to explain your situation to a vanilla person? How did they take it? Did they accept it or did they send you for counseling? lol. Just wondering what it's like to be "found out" and have to explain yourself.

Slipstreme -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 6:36:27 PM)
yep. My brother found out who I was years ago, and what I was into. Found out about the fact he knew when I accidently posted a pic of a St Andrew's Cross in his window and hit enter. He replies: "You have problems with your bondage situation." I go to explain myself: "Yeah, about that...." He says: "No problem. Ive known about that for years." I proceed to ask him how and he replies that having watched me, how I played with friends and the like, noting the furry sites I visited with him in the room and such. He admitted to the fact that although I had been rather discreet about it, he just put two and two together and figured that his sister was into bondage. He just never cared to out me out to anyone else. Furcadia really gave it away though, because he ended up going to a few of the places I did when we both played on it and met my friends who I roleplayed with. I say smart boy and I'm glad he never held it against me. I told my dad I was a sadomasochist. He took it well. In fact his exact words were: "That's cool. I don't have a problem with it." I've yet to open to my mom though. (No I dont live with my parents).

littlesarbonn -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 6:49:56 PM)
I had a problem while teaching last year when one of my students googled my name and found some old links to bdsm articles I had written while very much in the community back then. She wrote me an email about wanting to know more, and I informed her that it wouldn't be appropriate for me to discuss any such thing with one of my students. It just got worse from that moment on. She told several other female students in class, and it was obvious during the semester that a number of people knew about my lifestyle, even though I never discussed it. During semester evaluations, a few of the students made a point of highlighting my personal life in their comments they shared with the administration. It was very frustrating. Fortunately, no one in the admin cared or even addressed any of the comments. But I ended up leaving teaching completely anyway because I became very disgusted with students as a result of this. I took a non-teaching job, leaving the field completely because the disrespect teachers often receive, coupled with the lousy pay, just didn't make it seem worth it.

sub4hire -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 7:03:19 PM)
Nope, never been found out. Though I am an extremely open person. Part of my profession I deal with the lifestyle on a regular basis. So, just about everyone in my life knows. Even those who are vanilla I've explained it. I guess I have a way of doing so that normalizes it...if that is a word. Nobody has ever thought it was abnormal.

typesgirl -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 7:24:37 PM)
I was sort of "found out" by my sister when she noticed what she considered strange behavior between Master and I. I sat at his feet to watch tv and brought Him food etc. When I explained she was really interested and even expressed to me that she thought she was a sub. It was good sisterly bonding . :) typesgirl

IrishMist -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 7:25:04 PM)
Not found out so much as if someone asked me, I always answered honestly...both with family and at work. My family is pretty cool about it while at work...well, some actually take the time to ask intelligent questions about it, while others make their little snide comments. I just take it all in stride.

Littlepita -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 7:39:51 PM)
I told my sister a little about it. I then told her what message board my Dom and I had met on and that I often post in the BDSM forum. Well, a few days later I'm sitting out in front of the garage with her and she looks over at me and says, "I've been reading that site of yours. You're not really into that stuff are you?" I just smiled and said not all of it but enough to know I'm having a really good time. [:)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 8:15:57 PM)
My aunt found out one day when she came down to help my grandmother get online and get her email going... Aunt: Hey how are you? Me: Good, and you? Aunt: Great, I've lost a lot of weight lately, want to see a pic? Me: Sure! gets pic That's great, you look awesome! I've lost a lot too, I will send a pic sends pic of me in big black collar, not even thinking Aunt: You look great! That's a nice collar too. Me (a bit anxious): Oh thanks, yeah that's just something I like to wear Aunt: So you aren't a submissive? Me (long pause of silence) Me: Are you telling me that my aunt is a submissive? Aunt: Actually I'm a dominant, you can call me Auntie Maam And thus it began. Hey and her second husband actually owned me as their live-in slave for a year (3 years after this discussion took place). I bought some of her fetish stuff when she was selling it and we still talk often.

HayaSierra -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 8:26:52 PM)
Greetings, Not really "found out" -- but fairly open where I can be with it. It is somewhat different for me though, because for all of us it is about more than just the D/s part of things. And even the D/s has a cultural twist on it -- which makes it much easier to describe to those who are more "mainstream/Vanilla". In fact me and a few of my co-workers have had a few conversations on the topic, many of those who know me know in no uncertain terms that I am "the Boss". In fact I showed my work ride (Co-worker) the wait-here-tiles we use and explained to her what they were for (to bind one to that spot by command alone), and she promptly asked me if she can borrow a few for her kids! So, while not found out or forced out, I have made great progress in explaining my way of life to those who are living near me and those who are living far away.

Slipstreme -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 8:27:57 PM)
LMAO! LA, that is pretty cool too, finding someone in the family in the lifestyle. I've yet to have that happen, but a trip I ended up taking with my mom when I was around 12 has me afriad when I open up to her she will start spouting advice. Lets just say she was "looking for boots" and I think my first introduction to what a flogger was happened there, although I had no idea what it was used for, just that it looked pretty and felt nice when running my fingers through it.

truesub4u -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 8:58:05 PM)
WOW.. funny this OP comes up. In news this weekend.. they spoke of a Mistress that was just found not guilty of a Subs death during a scene..... showing this on the news.. they showed the submissive male in a hood.. bound to a wall.. (showing the jury how the mans last moments possibly where) And anyways.... as I was watching the news.. my oldest who is only 13.. turns.. looks at me.. and says... Mom.. you're not like that are you?... I was shocked to say the least. I asked what did she mean.. she told me she wanted to know if I wore the hood and all..... I just smiled.. and said no .. i don't wear hoods. She didn't ask no more.. I offered no more. I got to tell you though... freaked me out to find out she knew more about me than I thought she did. I mean she's not dumb by any means... I just thought I was more careful. Now I'm doing the sweating... waiting to see what more she's going to come up with... specially sense Lady Heather makes another apperance on CSI this thursday. And she sees and knows about BDSM from some movies and TV shows... like CSI.. this will be Lady Heather"s 3rd apperance. Fingers crossed she'll forget about the news and this other Mistress from this past weekend.

IrishMist -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 9:02:20 PM)
I accidently forgot to cover up some bruises once and my daughter saw them. Asked me about them...I told her that it was something that I wanted, and that I enjoyed...she actually asked some pretty good intelligent questions for her age...littleone's are funny sometimes...they know alot more than we give them credit for.

truesub4u -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 9:03:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IrishMist I accidently forgot to cover up some bruises once and my daughter saw them. Asked me about them...I told her that it was something that I wanted, and that I enjoyed...she actually asked some pretty good intelligent questions for her age...littleone's are funny sometimes...they know alot more than we give them credit for. Oh I know.. it's sometimes scary too.

RiotGirl -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 9:23:47 PM)
yeah it is

lesbiangyrl -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 9:29:06 PM)
Was found out by the police when they raided my apt. after a party, i was 19 at the time. They found all sorts of toys and were perplexed that some one at my age would be into such things. It all looked bad for me until a cop took me to the side and said that he understood and would do his best to smooth things over. Found out a couple years later that he to was in the community when i met him at the old "Hell Fire" in NYC.

Marquisd -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 10:08:44 PM)
A subtle way is a book that is called "If someone you love is kinky" the author escapes me at the moment, but if you want to come out of the perverbial closet - this is highly recommended. cheers Marquisd

Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/6/2006 10:29:51 PM)
Too many times to count it seems. Sub4hire: can i have that line you spin the non lifestyle people that normalises it please? And i must say, ive 'died' a death, many a time when the kids were growing up. They are smart little cookies kids. Recently, we booked into a camp site from the thursday, to the Sunday of this w/e just gone. We were told directions, and what was available, set up tent, greeted the neighbours, got inside the tent, to remember my play collar was still on. Big black leather and chrome, oh dear. And a friend of His came round last week, i made him a cup of tea, we sat and talked for quite some time, then he left, and Sir pointed out the collar again. Ive been asked about some bruising, and explained that id 'walked into a door'. J-e-s-u-s,so plausable eh? ah well, little1

Dollbecky -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/7/2006 12:59:03 AM)
My family makes jokes about me with the whips and chains and always gives sideways glances whenever anything "kinky" is brought up...I know they know ..they know I know they know ... I dont mention the french maids set at the back of my mum closet, she doesnt mention the 7inch heels or corsetry ;)

CmotDribbler -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/7/2006 5:15:44 AM)
heh, my family found out when i started writing kink articles, and posting them on my website, for reasons unkown they still read the damn thing :p

RavenMuse -> RE: Have you ever been found out? (2/7/2006 5:35:16 AM)
I don't shout what I am from the rooftops, but neither do I hide it. When most of my friends found out I was poly there where many long chats and discussions whilst they either got to the point of understanding or just wrote it off as something they would never understand but could respect because it was "Raven and thats the way he is" When D/s came up most simply went straight to the "Its just another thing about Raven that we probably won't understand" and it simply wasn't a problem. It they have any questions, they know they will get an honest answer, but none of them has had any questions yet. But then I don't tend to have closed minded folks as friends[:)]

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