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LafayetteLady -> RE: Blaming the other you? (5/18/2009 1:06:39 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: breatheasone
i have seen and heard "s" types say their lot in life, is for them to just "Take masters treatment because he knows best, who am i to question".....i have seen "D" types use the, "Because I said so, and i'm the "D" type so I must be right" thing..... i think both of those lines of thought need a little work LOL
From what I've seen, THIS is where the trouble starts. Ok, there would likely have been a desire to avoid the responsibility to begin with but that may be the reason they seek this kind of relationship.
Most of the time when this happens, it seems to be with the "new" ones. The poor things come here looking for advice and while it has changed a great deal since I was here under another screen name years ago, there is still a lot of the "This is what a TRUE whatever is." Add to that the dimwits calling themselves dominants or masters who think this is a great way to have a maid they get to have sex with and problems are bound to start.
You have the subs who are still young and then are seeing messages that tell them there IS a defininition for slave/sub what have you. They find themselves with a "master" who is a man using BDSM to cloak the fact that he is nothing more than a supersized asswipe who feels as long as he is "master" he isn't being abusive. Young, impressionably is told daily, this is what slaves do, this is how they act, you no longer have choices, you must do everything I say regardless of your feelings about it. Does it excuse the behavior? Of course not. But it doesn't make an environment conducive to learning either. When their gut tells them this isn't right, but their knowledge of the "lifestyle" is still in the early stages, they come here looking for advice and far too often are told, "you knew this was what he wanted when you signed up, so tough patootties." I cringe each time someone writes about "requesting release" and then being "denied" and not knowing what to do. Most of us will tell them (sometimes far too rudely) "pack your stuff and leave", but by then they have already been taught by someone who is a jerk that they no longer have that choice. It is a big catch 22. We can't tell someone they have no choices and then wonder why they can't think for themselves.
I think far too many people (usually women) enter into this lifestyle because they don't want to take responsibility. It is so much easier to let someone else be in charge of all the decisions because if it was the wrong decision, they didn't make it, so it wasn't their fault. The existence of those dominants/masters who think they have all the answers and are like the all knowing "Oz" make the situation worse. Unless they are doctors, therapists or lawyers, there are far too many times where they should use their "control to get someone to a professional, but they have become so egotisical they are convinced they know better. It's a bunch of crap.
I'm not going to say that BDSM is a "game", I know that it isn't. But when I see statements where someone says "I'm a slave who happens to be a person" I have to wonder a couple of things. First, what other kind of slaves do they know exist (mules, oxen, cows?)? Secondly and more importantly, they have decided somewhere along the line that being a person is secondary and that is never healthy. Because no matter what you identify as, being a person with a brain has given you the ability to make that identification to begin with. If you need to stop being a person to achieve your happiness, you have a bigger problem than not taking responsibility for your own actions.
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