quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
lol... I can't get anymore settled in my skin... in fact it is settling too much now.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely

quote:

ORIGINAL: kdsub
lol... I can't get anymore settled in my skin... in fact it is settling too much now.

Then we have something very much in common LOL

I can see how it's maybe difficult for subs to be true to their inner selves in the world as it is now. That's kinda sad, but yes, necessary, I guess...

quote:

I see it the other way round. I'm a person, who is also a slave. Though I s'pose no matter which way it is seen, it all boils down to owning your own actions and accepting responsibility when you mess up.

You are quite right
I wish you the best

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

Hey now, "Because I said so!"or "Because I am the mom person!" worked great as a mother!

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN

A shrink I had back in the day said

"Even if you have multiple personalities and one or 2 are unaware of the others
THE WHOLE SYSTEM/UNIT must take responsibility for ALL ACTIONS...

shit

after that I just blamed everything on my cat...BIG Bear..


GQ

LMAO Ma'am.

Wonder if that really works

quote:

ORIGINAL: tiinkerbell

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i have seen and heard "s" types say their lot in life, is for them to just "Take masters treatment because he knows best, who am i to question".....i have seen "D" types use the,  "Because I said so, and i'm the "D" type so I must be right" thing..... i think both of those lines of thought need a little work LOL

I am an intelligent person. I am an educated person. I have a Masters degree. I own my own home, and have almost no bills to my name. I take responsibility for my own actions; including those that placed me in slavery to begin with. Yes, I accept Sir's treatment; Yes, I will, in the future, accept whatever treatment he see's fit. Not only because he says so; but becasue I willingly, and happily gave him that right.

I resent the implication that my thought processes are 'off and need work' simply because we would choose a certain way of doing things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

i have seen and heard "s" types say their lot in life, is for them to just "Take masters treatment because he knows best, who am i to question".....i have seen "D" types use the,  "Because I said so, and i'm the "D" type so I must be right" thing..... i think both of those lines of thought need a little work LOL

From what I've seen, THIS is where the trouble starts.  Ok, there would likely have been a desire to avoid the responsibility to begin with but that may be the reason they seek this kind of relationship.

Most of the time when this happens, it seems to be with the "new" ones.  The poor things come here looking for advice and while it has changed a great deal since I was here under another screen name years ago, there is still a lot of the "This is what a TRUE whatever is."  Add to that the dimwits calling themselves dominants or masters who think this is a great way to have a maid they get to have sex with and problems are bound to start.

You have the subs who are still young and then are seeing messages that tell them there IS a defininition for slave/sub what have you.  They find themselves with a "master" who is a man using BDSM to cloak the fact that he is nothing more than a supersized asswipe who feels as long as he is "master" he isn't being abusive.  Young, impressionably is told daily, this is what slaves do, this is how they act, you no longer have choices, you must do everything I say regardless of your feelings about it.  Does it excuse the behavior?  Of course not.  But it doesn't make an environment conducive to learning either.  When their gut tells them this isn't right, but their knowledge of the "lifestyle" is still in the early stages, they come here looking for advice and far too often are told, "you knew this was what he wanted when you signed up, so tough patootties."  I cringe each time someone writes about "requesting release" and then being "denied" and not knowing what to do.  Most of us will tell them (sometimes far too rudely) "pack your stuff and leave", but by then they have already been taught by someone who is a jerk that they no longer have that choice.  It is a big catch 22.  We can't tell someone they have no choices and then wonder why they can't think for themselves.

I think far too many people (usually women) enter into this lifestyle because they don't want to take responsibility.  It is so much easier to let someone else be in charge of all the decisions because if it was the wrong decision, they didn't make it, so it wasn't their fault.  The existence of those dominants/masters who think they have all the answers and are like the all knowing "Oz" make the situation worse.  Unless they are doctors, therapists or lawyers, there are far too many times where they should use their "control to get someone to a professional, but they have become so egotisical they are convinced they know better.  It's a bunch of crap.

I'm not going to say that BDSM is a "game", I know that it isn't.  But when I see statements where someone says "I'm a slave who happens to be a person" I have to wonder a couple of things.  First, what other kind of slaves do they know exist (mules, oxen, cows?)? Secondly and more importantly, they have decided somewhere along the line that being a person is secondary and that is never healthy.  Because no matter what you identify as, being a person with a brain has given you the ability to make that identification to begin with.  If you need to stop being a person to achieve your happiness, you have a bigger problem than not taking responsibility for your own actions.

i wish i had your way with words....i'd probably say i'm sorry less often

quote:

I'm not going to say that BDSM is a "game", I know that it isn't. But when I see statements where someone says "I'm a slave who happens to be a person" I have to wonder a couple of things. First, what other kind of slaves do they know exist (mules, oxen, cows?)? Secondly and more importantly, they have decided somewhere along the line that being a person is secondary and that is never healthy. Because no matter what you identify as, being a person with a brain has given you the ability to make that identification to begin with. If you need to stop being a person to achieve your happiness, you have a bigger problem than not taking responsibility for your own actions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


Who I am at work is exactly the same as who I am at home, with friends or down the pub.

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I'd ask my evil invisible twin about blame - but she would just say it was my fault.

Whatever I do , i am responsible for.
Whatever i say, i am responsible for.

Easy.

I am an adult, and regardless of what side of the slash i subscribe to, i accept the responsibilities given me. Being submissive doesn't make me less than responsible for my actions, because in the end, I am an adult, and that is what adults do - step up to the plate, take responsibility, and get on with the business of living our lives.

quote:

Because no matter what you identify as, being a person with a brain has given you the ability to make that identification to begin with. If you need to stop being a person to achieve your happiness, you have a bigger problem than not taking responsibility for your own actions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: Fitznicely


Who I am at work is exactly the same as who I am at home, with friends or down the pub.

Bur then i beg to differ (well trained) because i am sure you would not like this pinned up next to the sart board at the pub.... ** Seeking House Slave. No Experience Necessary. Full Training, Accomodation Provided. Apply by Cmail **
And thank you kindly for the Trebuchet size 4. Very welcome at this time of night and life.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Prinsexx

quote:

ORIGINAL: kiwisub12

I'd ask my evil invisible twin about blame - but she would just say it was my fault.

Whatever I do , i am responsible for.
Whatever i say, i am responsible for.

Easy.

I am an adult, and regardless of what side of the slash i subscribe to, i accept the responsibilities given me. Being submissive doesn't make me less than responsible for my actions, because in the end, I am an adult, and that is what adults do - step up to the plate, take responsibility, and get on with the business of living our lives.

Yes ok...however...did you forget how to be a child? How to be child like? To stand and stare in awe at something, anything, someone, anyone, and see them as if for the first  time, even though you knew you thought you knew them well?
'IT' feels like that the return to childhood. Like a flashback sometimes to a long forgotten experience of how the world is, sometimes good, sometimes bad.
i never and i can say never with confidence, met a person who came to me professionally for help, or as a friend for advice, or as a family member for shelter, that did not come as a child.
i never and i can say never again, want to lose the capacity to 'not know'. Not knowing and being willing to ask how to sure will come in handy i reckon on the day i die at least.
Just an opinion and feeling you know, opinionated and all grown up tonight.

quote:

ORIGINAL: GYPZYQUEEN
after that I just blamed everything on my cat...BIG Bear..

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

When you say that someone with an illness doesn't take responsibility for things that happen because of that illness, in some ways it appears as though you're saying that they aren't in control because if they were in control, they wouldn't have done it.