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CallaFirestormBW -> RE: Sub initiative. (5/20/2009 7:39:03 AM)
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I can only speak for me -- but with enough people providing input, you can probably pull some useful generalities that may serve you well. For me, what the person 'should' do is be particularly attentive. I tend to be chaotic in nature -- which is reflected in both my behavior and my personal space. This means that I need to have people around me who can show that they are flexible, and are -paying attention-, because when things change, they may change -very- quickly.
How to do this... well, I'd say pay attention to little things.Make it clear that I'm the focus of your world-- at least for this time when we're together.
(This is really meant for more public occasions and for first meeting situations, since, many times, I'll tend to meet people someplace for a meal or coffee in public prior to anything planned later -- but much of it also applies if you come to my home to serve)
- When we're meeting, even for the first time, show small courtesies like getting up from your chair when I approach if you've been seated before I arrive. If I am already seated, pause at your seat and wait for an acknowledgment/invitation before taking a seat.
- Offer your name (or preferred address) up front, and ask me how I prefer to be addressed. This will alleviate a -lot- of potential misunderstandings, and will make life ever so much easier for both of us.
- Be dressed neatly. It can be really casual, but your clothing should be neat and clean, and you should recently have at least been in the same room with a running shower... preferably under the flow of water. Jeans and a t-shirt are fine, but having remnants of your last week's meals covering the front of your t-shirt and holes in your jeans big enough to drive a semi (lorry) through (and stained enough that it looks like you washed the truck using your pants as a scrub-cloth)... not so much. Sweatpants or pajama pants and a lounge-shirt are -never- appropriate attire for a first meeting.
- Keep an eye on my water glass and beverage, and if you see it getting low, flag a server when you see one going by. If I don't want to drink it, that's all good -- I won't... but you won't go wrong by being attentive to making sure I have something to drink if I want it.
- Be prepared with a couple of topics to start a conversation. It helps a -lot- if you know some of my interests (reading the profile can give a clue) and have good 'starter' sentences for discussing your own interests so that we can actually converse. At a first meeting, I want to know that this is a person that I'll be able to hold a conversation with, and someone who -thinks through- what xhe says.
- Be courteous. You don't have to bring flowers (though if you do, I won't turn them down), but using a more 'formal' manner of address and courtesy will certainly earn brownie points.
- Have a sense of humor. Be able and willing to laugh at yourself... and know when NOT to crack jokes as well -- sense of humor includes both the capacity to bring humor to a situation and the sense to know when it is time to be serious.
- Be courteous to the service individuals with whom you interact. Tip appropriately.
- If you speak about others, make sure that the things that you say will be a credit to you, rather than derogatory towards them. Nobody likes to have to worry about whether you'll be taking poorly behind their backs once you've gone in other directions.
- Answer questions honestly. Be prepared for at least a couple of questions that will startle you and perhaps require you to step out of your 'shell'... and speak with forthrightness and surety.
- Know what you want, the types of relationships you're seeking out, and why you have agreed to the meeting. Think carefully about what brought you to agree, because you'll certainly be asked those questions, and "I don't know" or dissembling, frankly, is annoying. Have a life-plan. Even if your plan is as simple as wanting to be kept and serve someone for the rest of your life, knowing how you got to that point and how you hope to fulfill that goal is going to come up in the conversation. I guarantee it. Oh, and if you -do- want that, then know what it is about you that will make it worth my while to keep you -- what are you putting on the table, and what are your expectations of yourself and your Keeper... again, it's going to come up in the course of the conversation.
- Read books. Have ideas and be able to express them. Have a political, social, and personal stand and a set of ethics. Admittedly, sometimes those things may mean we won't agree or won't be a good long-term fit, but if you have nothing between your ears but fluff, you'll fall right off the radar, guaranteed.
That's all I can think of at the moment. I'm sure I missed some things, but it's a start.
Dame Calla
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