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Calandra -> RE: What do you get out of being a submissive man? (5/27/2009 1:13:46 AM)
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I'd like to point out something that may be being overlooked. Please understand that the idea is a bit nebulous for me and I hope I can explain it well without everyone going off half cocked at Me.
There are times when a man (or woman) discovers that his marriage (for whatever reason) is simply dead. There is maybe affection, and the safety of a comfort zone involved in their staying with the same woman even after the marital feelings have long been extinguished.
I agree that if two people can find their way back to each other, that is the best course. BUT, I suggest that they try to renew communication about anything and everything but this lifestyle FIRST. Build a foundation again before you try to go into new (and frankly terrifying) territory.
The reasons for this is simple:
If the relationship is already on life support, chances are the wife feels it too and is already pondering what to do next. Introducing a topic that might cause a conflict with her faith, feelings of attraction, notions of abuse or mental illness, may cause more damage than can be repaired. IF these topics are addressed without a strong foundation of trust first, things can go downhill VERY fast and there's no way to control all the damage that could result if a divorce still happens. All too often, BDSM becomes a handy scapegoat when a divorce happens, and the kinky party gets blasted by family, friends, business associates and a legal system that neither tolerates or understands us.
I'm not trying to be a fearmonger, but I can see how a person might decide to quietly end a relationship IF THEY KNOW IT IS ALREADY DEAD and then pursue new directions once they are truly free again.
To the OP: You have a lot to think about and My heart goes with you because you don't strike me as the kind of person to just leave with no thought of the consequences... Good luck and be safe if it is possible.
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