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CreativeDominant -> RE: why is collared "off limits" but married is not? (5/22/2009 7:43:05 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking
Thats how it seems to me; that a sub who is collared is off limits, but if she is married she is not. Why would that be??
I think part of that perception comes from the belief of some that many married people, if they respond in a positive fashion to being "hit on" are just that...open to exploring not just play but a new partner as well. In D/s BDSM, you will find that collared submissives are often available for play due to their Master/Mistress's inclinations and their own wants/needs/desires but that play is in a controlled fashion and in this world, it does not...usually...equate to the availability as a partner in the same manner as it does in the vanilla world.
You can find plenty of profiles on this site from collared female submissives in which it is stated that they are available for play, under terms specified by their Master/Mistress. That doesn't mean they are available to become your submissive/partner. That is the general "given" understood in the D/s BDSM world. In the vanilla world, being married means not being available for either play or the next natural progression...a partner. If a married woman IS available for play, then unless she is involved in an open marriage, it generally means that she is available as a partner also and that this play is taking place without the knowledge of her partner.
Are there "shit for brains" who refuse to understand that some situations...married or D/s, married AND D/s, not married but collared, not married but committed BUT NOT AVAILABLE FOR PLAY in any form or fashion ... are not open to play? Yes, but those are to be found in the vanilla and in the D/s world. Despite what can be read about honor and integrity and proper modes of behavior in the D/s world, some people refuse to believe that they should follow any of that. There are the same types of books out in the vanilla world favoring that type of honorable behavior and people still do not follow it.
A person has to choose whether or not he/she will be honorable. You can rationalize in a thousand ways but one of the things that helped bring me back to a more honorable way of living was a statement by my therapist: if you are sharing intimacies with another...whether it be emotional or physical or whatever...and your partner is unaware, then it doesn't matter how YOU see it; if your partner sees it as CHEATING and you know he/she does and you still continue...it's cheating.
I deal with married submissives, single submissives, married dominants, married dominants, collared and uncollared...married or not...submissives. The only really free game are those submissives that are single and not collared and not involved. As for the rest? Some of these folks are open to play and some are not. The ones that are open to play are those I would consider playing with, as long as their partner knows and as long as there seems to be in place at least some measure of a mechanism that ensures that, due to the vulnerability that can take place during play, the play does not result in a situational dependance on me being translated into one existing outside of play. The ones that would be open to play AND being taken on as my partner, I do my best not to get too involved with let alone play with...because if they are open to being taken on as my partner and their dominant doesn't know it, then that is a form of cheating and I don't want to do that. I've hurt people with deceptive and/or rationalization of my acts in the past...I just don't want to do that anymore.
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