Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

lapresence -> Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/22/2009 11:46:19 PM)

I am curious to put this before others.  I mean we all know about the married men that figure out that they are kinky and want a sub on the side.  But what about those Doms that choose a vanilla woman.  How many have known this to happen?  Is it an oddity, or does it happen fairly regularly. 

This is personal, so just a little back story.  My ex-Master seemed happy to have a poly household.  Two slaves that adored him and love each other.  Seems pretty awesome, don't you think?  So he has that in his back pocket, but then meets a 19 year old vanilla girl and in only 2 months is proposing to her.  We found this out by accident because my sister was taking care of his dogs and stumbled on the receipt for the ring.  The girl of course knows nothing of us, which has been our complaint to him.  Obviously, we are not going to stick around.  But we are still devastated.  So my question is:

What is the attraction?  And it's not like he's just a little kinky.  He's into some pretty freaky stuff.  And he complains about what he doesn't like about her to us.  I know we can't help who we fall in love with, but it is just so hard for me to grasp. 



aphotic -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/22/2009 11:53:53 PM)

I'm 25, and I'm not much into kink stuff. I pretty much into fate, love, and death. On the other hand, I saw someone who drew my ire quite strongly on here. It's a bastards move to commit to those he doesn't love. You got a bastard. I'm sorry.



Racquelle -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 12:18:22 AM)

Yes, you absolutely CAN help who you fall in love with.  That said, inside many a kinky person is a person who feels secretly guilty about being kinky.  If we meet and like someone who is "vanilla", by whatever definition we use, we can be relieved of that guilt.  That's my first stab at a guess about his motivation.  My other guess is that a grown man getting deeply involved with a 19 year old isn't exactly "vanilla" in many books.  A lot of people might suggest she is easily manipulated and that might be his attraction to her - she's a sub in his mind just by virtue of her lack of experience and youthful naivete.  My bet is, if she doesn't figure it out sooner, in about 5 or 6 years she's going to mature a bit and have a better sense of self and not want to put up with a man who hides things from her, and tries to hide them from himself.



lapresence -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 12:32:21 AM)

True enough about that situation not being vanilla, that a grown man is interested in a 19 year old.  And honestly, if I were in her shoes, he would cross into my ick factor (my age limit is my mom's age).  He's 20 years my senior, and I'm 9 years hers.  I've never truly been made to feel old before, not just last year's model, but last decade's model. 

But I also don't think he sees her as a sub.  She often writes <her name>'s ass on his ass.  Not at all submissive in my mind.  I know I would never dream of doing that.  I do think she'll figure it out though.  He can't go that long without others, especially if she can't be that to him. 



Fadingthought -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 2:42:15 AM)

The thought of turning a girl onto bdsm is something I'd enjoy, but I personally chalk this up to a guy just being a douche bag.  Just because he is into d/s doesn't mean he isn't a cheater.  Being fresh and young would be new and exciting for a cheater.




FangsNfeet -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 3:41:04 AM)

For some men, it's hard to be a dominant and or sadist to someone they love.

For others, some think it's difficult or impossible to find a kinky girl that can look sweet and innocent for mama.



CatdeMedici -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 4:21:17 AM)

... and there are always those who are just rat bastards.



LadyPact -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 4:28:35 AM)

Has it occurred to you that she's his outlet for his submissive side?



MsFlutter -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 4:40:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CatdeMedici

... and there are always those who are just rat bastards.


::saluting Cat with my coffee mug::   indeed !



DarkSteven -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 4:57:06 AM)

He has an issue which is medically known as screwing anything that moves.  He saw a pretty girl and lied to her abut being available, and to you two about her.  And the fact that he's complaining about her to you two... he's a true gem.

It's not about kink or vanilla.  It's about self control, or lack of it.

My condolences.



LadySweetOrSour -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 5:02:27 AM)

Um, the short answer is he's a shit. Actually, that's my long answer as well. I don't care how old she is, how old he is, he LIED by omission. End of story.

I feel sad for you two women and I really do hope you can both move on and leave this arsehole and his unsuspecting new lady behind (as she will leave him behind eventually, most likely). He's lost something special, don't let him make you two lose your specialness too. Walk away and don't look back.



Lashra -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 5:44:49 AM)

quote:

And he complains about what he doesn't like about her to us.


This shows me he is not the type of person that should be getting married. If he cannot be honest and show some integrity towards the one he "loves" then why does he bother? He sounds to me like a player and he does not really care who gets hurt.

Yes some Dominants feel that they can "pull" submission out of a vanilla person and so they make the attempt, others just feel they want more of a "challenge" that a vanilla can offer, some just want a "normal" equal relationship all of which can be failures.

So does it happen? Yes it does.

~Lashra



Lashra -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 5:47:17 AM)

quote:

She often writes 's ass on his ass. Not at all submissive in my mind.


Maybe he has a "sub" side that wants to come out and she brings that out in him.
Just a thought. I know I get plenty of cmail from male Dominants who are looking for
someone to nuture their submissive side that they keep hidden from their submissives/slaves.

~Lashra



RedMagic1 -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 6:13:19 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Has it occurred to you that she's his outlet for his submissive side?

That's the first thing I thought, too.  It's "ok" for him to submit, as long as she is flatteringly young and hot.



Eraser -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 6:17:09 AM)

I don't believe you can choose who you love, but I know two months knowing someone is far too soon to be proposing to someone, he's got some alterior motive especially if he's complaining about her to you.  He's a douche, she on the other hand, probably isn't vanilla if she's 19 and plans on marrying a man 30 years older than her, or more likely a gold digger looking for a sugar daddy.

If one was an extreme optimist, you could possibly conclude the ring was for one of you, and he plans to bring her into the household but simply plans to ease her in so as not to scare her.



antipode -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 6:23:33 AM)

quote:

it is just so hard for me to grasp


He fell in love. What is so unusual about that? Apart from anything else, our brains are heavily pre-programmed for procreation, whatever else we might think or do, and I should imagine that that programming, when triggered, will always prevail. Although I feel it is very important to meet one's commitment's, I could see that happen to me. Kind of surprised you are surprised.



lapresence -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 8:54:39 AM)

I can see your points.  Well made too.  But he's not being honest.  The thing is that he doesn't want us to leave, he wants to lead the double life.  He spent almost 10 grand to untie my sister's tubes.  But we're just slaves, not his girlfriend or his wife.  So we just have to be grateful for what time and attention we get. 

He is still talking about all the freaky stuff he wants to do with us.  And he hasn't told his ex-fiance either.  He met up with her after picking up the ring.  Can't wait to blow that one.  If he can't be honest, we sure as heck can.  We aren't going to tell his new fiance, but we do feel obligated to let his ex know.  Otherwise he'll string her along for as long as he can too. 

I want an honest and loving relationship, but he's not capable of that. 



breatheasone -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 9:00:02 AM)

quote:

Yes, you absolutely CAN help who you fall in love with.

Yep...



redrose -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 12:49:36 PM)

Thank you all for your posts.  I am the other slave in this situation.  I have know my Master for 3 years now and in the past 6 monthes i thought it had gotten much more serious.  When the 19 year old came along he kept telling me "she is 19 how long do you think she is going to stay".  He even told me this 2 weeks ago.  He has a second house about an hour from where he is now and he has offered to let me live there even this past week i stayed there and he told me how happy he was that i was there.  He keeps telling me how me and the slaves will live in this house and I am now assuming that he and his new love will live elsewhere.  I knew he was keeping me from the new girl, and i knew about her from the time they met, I stayed because i did not really think it would last.  I have given him my everything and even until this last month he was trying to bred me with his baby.  He paid to have my tubes untied approx. 6 monthes ago.  (not cheap) .  The tattoos are from him and please dont get me wrong i love everyone that i have, though now i have a huge reminder everytime i look in the mirror.  I will leave, because i feel that what he is doing is wrong.  He wants to keep me hidden, but keep me as his slave, i am not sure that i am willing to be the "other woman" for the rest of my life.



DarkSteven -> RE: Kinky men that prefer vanilla women (5/23/2009 12:56:35 PM)

He has two houses and three women (and damned good looking ones).  And he's not satisfied.  Sad, really, to be that fortunate and not appreciate it.



Page: [1] 2 3 4   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
2.734375E-02