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need help - 5/23/2009 5:27:18 AM   
toplofty67


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline 		i really need help,i have lived a vanilla life 4 a while and just got back in2 the life style i found i have bought some bad habits with me,ive met a wonderful sub but am now worried ive pushed him away because of trust issuse wot can i do 2 keep my sub or if ive lost him win him back.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:28:44 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Bad habits?  Do you mean like text speak?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:33:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		There is only one thing you can do.  Contact him, apologize to him, and make sure he knows you are working on your issues.  And work on them.

To be blunt about it, you do not project calm self assurance, self-control, and focus.  You don't strike me as a natural Domme...

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:33:28 AM   
toplofty67


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline 		no its like if i no his been on line on a site but hasnt spoke 2 me i get really pissed off cos im trying 2 get him 2 australia 2 b with me but sometimes i feel like there is no effort on his part and i just get angry,cos im sick of being lied 2 by men thats y i wanted 2 get back in2 the lifestyle 2 get rid of all the crap from men.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:35:47 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Sorry to be harsh about this, but I most likely wouldn't be speaking to you either.  Just a preference, mind you, but that jargon of yours would drive Me nuts.

ETA a question.  Why would you get back into the lifestyle because you were tired of putting up with crap from men?  I've heard a lot of reasons in My time, but that wouldn't be a great one.


< Message edited by LadyPact -- 5/23/2009 5:39:26 AM >

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:38:58 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		You want him to pull up stakes and move to Australia and feel like his commitment isn't enough?

It's not going well online and you want to push things forward instead of slowing them down?

You're coming back into the lifestyle because you got lied to before and you know that male subs would never lie to you?

You're not in control and seem to have anger and clinginess issues, as well as unrealistic expectations.  I would suggest some counseling before you jump off into more relationships.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:39:54 AM   
toplofty67


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline 		no im not actually i used 2 b a sub only been trying the domme role 4 a short while

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:40:54 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I agree with Steven.  It doesn't suit you.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:43:00 AM   
toplofty67


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/3/2009
Status: offline 		k thanks 4 yr honesty

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:48:12 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toplofty67

no its like if i no his been on line on a site but hasnt spoke 2 me i get really pissed off cos im trying 2 get him 2 australia 2 b with me but sometimes i feel like there is no effort on his part and i just get angry,cos im sick of being lied 2 by men thats y i wanted 2 get back in2 the lifestyle 2 get rid of all the crap from men.


Does he have to speak to you everytime he goes online?  Is this a rule that the two of you came up with and he agreed to? Maybe he is not as eager to meet as you are? Perhaps you could try going to a event or munch in your area and meet guys who are already in Australia. It sounds like your not having a lot of luck online.

That said, if you really have to do this online, I will offer a small suggestion. Lose the 2's. Your not texting from a car and there really is no need to rush through a post. Take the time to spell out words and proof read what you wrote. Your words are the only thing people have to judge you by until you actually meet.

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 10:41:33 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		If you are looking to be a dominant because you are tired of men lying to you and think that submissive men don't lie... I hate to break it to you... but that won't work and being dominant doesn't assure that men won't play games with you.  Actually the average submissive male on a site WILL lie to you!

I can understand the feeling you have of wanting to change things and be in the position of power... but your power doesn't extend to changing the beast who is playing online.  It also doesn't change you by making a decision to be dominant and being dominant from a wounded place rather than a dominant place leaves you vulnerable to the same types of lying or playing men.

I cannot tell you how many times I have run into someone who presents well for a time... anyone can play the game for a short time, especially online... and then find they are playing online, looking for other's and will dump the serious dominant who is looking for more than play time.  I quite enjoy busting them!  Ahhh you thought to play a game with me... with those pretty words and empty promises...  Anyone online can be anything they want to be.  You can't be dominant just to get over a wounded heart and the sick and tired of men playing games... they are still men... they are still human and they don't have to be honorable online... they only need to appear so.

Work on you... work on your frustrations coming from men who play games and lie and don't take it personally.  You learn to figure out who is playing and lying and you quickly move on.  But... you can't be a dominant from frustration or hurt.  There is a bit more than that to it all.  If you don't believe me... go read some of the journals... there are many women claiming to be dominant who are hurt and angry and all they want to do is punish men somehow.  That isn't a dominant.  It is however a wounded person striking out in anger and pain.

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to thishereboi)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 10:52:15 AM   
Venatrix


Posts: 2238
Joined: 11/28/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toplofty67

no im not actually i used 2 b a sub only been trying the domme role 4 a short while


I have to agree with others:  I don't think you'd be happy as a domina.  It's something innate, almost like a craving that has to be satisfied, and if you aren't comfortable in that role, it will only end in tears for you and your partners.  And if you think that submissive men are somehow different than other people, you will be very disappointed.  Like people of any kind, the liars, the idiots, the users and the just generally fucked-up are legion and the exceptional ones, though out there, are a rare commodity, indeed.  Dating, whether vanilla or kinky, is not for the faint of heart.

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 10:53:19 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		Welcome to the forums 

As has been mentioned returning to bdsm in the hope of escaping liars is likely to result in disappointment.  They can even turn up here.

Do you have trust issues or concerns?  Have you talked to the other person and let them know how you feel.  Long distance relationships are fraught with difficulty so it is so important to talk openly and let him know your concerns and frustrations.

The other suggestion I would have is to get involved in the local scene in Perth if you are interested (and haven't already done so), there are some cool people there.

I will also have to agree with what others have mentioned about your writing style being a bit painful to read.  The 2's and y and wot would quickly have me ending conversations however I know that I can be way too pedantic and picky at times. I really don't see a need for that type of spelling unless someone is 15 or on a device which charges them per character. (that is just me of course )

Let us know how things go for you.


_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 11:09:37 AM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		wandersalone... love the new picture!

_____________________________

No matter how old a woman gets, some men will think she was born yesterday! ROFL... I love this place!


(in reply to wandersalone)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 11:17:48 AM   
OttersSwim


Posts: 2860
Joined: 9/1/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: toplofty67

k thanks 4 yr honesty


Are you on a cell phone?


_____________________________

I am on a journey of authenticity and self.

(in reply to toplofty67)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 11:20:21 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OttersSwim

quote:

ORIGINAL: toplofty67

k thanks 4 yr honesty


Are you on a cell phone?


Seriously, i love you man...


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to OttersSwim)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 11:36:57 AM   
wandersalone


Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline 		smiles...thank you Lockit.  It was taken when I was on holidays in the US recently. :)

_____________________________

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King
Godmother of the subbie mafia
My all time favourite threads
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=2002501
http://www.collarchat.com/fb.asp?m=790885

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 3:10:12 PM   
YoursMistress


Posts: 894
Joined: 12/17/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Sorry to be harsh about this, but I most likely wouldn't be speaking to you either.  Just a preference, mind you, but that jargon of yours would drive Me nuts.



OMG Ms. LP, U r just not getting thru 2 her!  Wut else can U do?


_____________________________

May your service of love a beautiful thing; want nothing else, fear nothing else and let love be free to become what love truly is. -- Hadewijch of Antwerp

As a rule, I don't like to make general statements.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 3:53:05 PM   
FullfigRIMAAM1


Posts: 1160
Joined: 11/20/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven
To be blunt about it, you do not project calm self assurance, self-control, and focus.  You don't strike me as a natural Domme...
Yeah, I agree with DarkStephen.   The "I'm desperate to get my man back, how can I play with him so that it works, and he comes back" isn't really kool.
Granting dominas are simply women, and all of us have some level of baggage, you really have to take a deep breath, look rationally at what the issue is, because you try to chase your man down to get him back...  Maybe he doesn't love you in a way that makes you feel safe, and that's why you were feeling distrustful.    M

< Message edited by FullfigRIMAAM1 -- 5/23/2009 3:54:26 PM >

_____________________________

The place to improve the world is first in one's own heart and head and hands.-Robert M. Persig

Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence Erich Fromm

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: need help - 5/23/2009 5:20:22 PM   
SlaveBlutarsky


Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Bad habits?  Do you mean like text speak?


typical American, shoot first ask questions later. It's not text speak, the OP is from Australia. Xenophobe.


_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 20
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