RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (Full Version)

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NorthernGent -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 12:50:19 PM)

Also, keep smiling and get on with everyone. You know what it's like with office politics and there will be people who don't like your boss, regardless of what's said face to face. Don't join a clique or anything like that, but just getting on with people who he/she has had problems with in the past will put doubt in his/her mind. I've seen how this bollocks works. Control freak bosses make an attempt to isolate people and make them feel like they have no option other than to toe the line. You must toe the line of course because you have a reference to think of, but you can put doubt in his/her mind by smiling and getting on well with everyone - you never know, his/her anxiety about office politics may just lead him/her to have a change of heart about taking the piss.



NorthernGent -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 12:58:49 PM)

Oh, and while I'm on....

This could be the making of you, John.

Where there's a will there's a way. I know that from personal experience, but that is a lesson in life that has to be learned; it's not an innate idea. So, you come out of this smelling of roses, and perhaps the anxiety that shines through in your post will become a thing of the past.



JohnSteed1967 -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:07:26 PM)

Please Note that I am not free loading off my Aunt!!!! My Aunt is trying to make a point that point is that I and the rest of the family used to have a set of grandparents that had enough money to correct any fuck up that you might have done in your life and that they are now gone and so is their home and their money.



NorthernGent -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:09:19 PM)

The key John is to know that there's a solution to every problem: if there's no solution, it isn't a problem.

I've had problems with a fair proportion of the bosses I've worked for, particularly in the first 6 months, because many like to try it on and for some it's a game where they like to get their kicks by abusing their authority. They have authority over me, but I have total confidence in my ability to work the situation so that my contract is honoured.

It may feel like your back's to the wall, but there are always options and there's always a way out of it.



NorthernGent -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:13:01 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Please Note that I am not free loading off my Aunt!!!!



That's the last thing I'd recommend, but I would suggest you get a grip on the situation - sharpish.



angelikaJ -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:27:31 PM)

John,
In the last 5 yrs you remade yourself.
So, there is no doubt that you have courage.
Perhaps you misplaced it?

And in an era of on-line everything...couldn't you get some of those certifications on-line?

Keep striving.

Success is about being happy and fulfilled.



Lockit -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:28:35 PM)

I mentioned that the aunt must be feeling afraid that he might freeload.  He said becasue she said she can't afford to take care of him.  Fits with his story.... but the bottom line is... fear... Don't negate to hear those words becasue you are mad about the freeloading question I had.



aravain -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:40:06 PM)

(So I haven't read the entirety of this thread)

Can you ask for a temporary leave of absence? Maybe take summer classes (or one class a semester) to get your certification?

Even then, you mention that there are 'few' jobs... would it really change much (just trying to be practical)?

In the end, most places you can apply to have a little box saying "No, you may not contact my current/previous employer" on your 'past jobs' list. Looking for another job while still employed *IS* the reason for this.

Or you can always go into business for yourself, if you've got a plan and a drive, though less than 16k isn't much to start on.



Stephann -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:48:45 PM)

Risk - Anais Nin

And then the day came,
when the risk
to remain tight
in a bud
was more painful
than the risk
it took
to blossom.

Hi John,

I imagine it's not the actual work you're doing that you hate, so much as the feeling that you're not fulfilled with your life.  There's no easy solution to this problem, but you've gotten some great advice so far.  The truth is, it's up to you to decide what is important to you.  What do you want to spend your days doing?  Where do you want to be spending them?  If you're miserable where you are, then perhaps it will take loading your car and driving to a new city, live as frugally as you may (rent a room in a house or something) and attack the job market, check out the local events that you'd enjoy, etc etc.

The poem means a lot to me.  You fear your life getting worse; have you considered five or six years from now, how you'll feel when you didn't change your life?  And have now burned those years doing work you hate, living in a situation you can't stand?  That's what I'd fear.

Warm wishes,

Stephan



sirsholly -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:54:13 PM)

quote:

I and the rest of the family used to have a set of grandparents that had enough money to correct any fuck up that you might have done in your life and that they are now gone and so is their home and their money.
holy cow...this screams "pampered brat".



LafayetteLady -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 1:59:06 PM)

You don't need to leave your current job while searching for a new one.  Certainly in this economy that would be a horrible idea.  But it does sound like you don't really know what you want to do.  Running your own business isn't for everyone.  You need to figure out what it is that you want to do and what will make you happy.  Fear of change is probably more common than unemployment.  It doesn't have to hold you back unless you let it.  But even with that fear, you can make changes a little more cautiously than simply quitting your job and seeing what happens.

I've said it over and over again when people aren't happy in their relationships.  YOUR happiness is in your control.  You either make the decision and the leap of faith to make yourself happy or you can stay and be miserable.

As for your Aunt, she's probably comes from the generation that believed you weren't supposed to like what you did, you just did it to survive and she doesn't want to see you make a huge mistake.  Or maybe she's had to support you in the past and doesn't want to do it again.  I have no idea.

As for retirement.  Think a minute.  He is talking about the money he has ACCESS to.  Not feeling that you want to pay penalties on retirement funds that aren't readily available for several more years isn't a bad thing.  Making the assumption that the 10-15 grand is all he has is a big leap. 



DemonKia -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 4:51:10 PM)

FR, after read thru

Lots of practical advice, above, so I'm just gonna steal from Bill Hicks:

"It's just a ride and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one."

Deep spiritual stuff that helps keep me going. My favorite dead man talking, hehehehe . . . . . . .



MsFlutter -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 4:59:58 PM)

~FR~
 
"Change will occur when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change"
 
Author Unknown



MarsBonfire -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/23/2009 5:15:47 PM)

Wow, OP! How horrible for you! To actually have to do a JOB for a living... (I can think of about 9 million people out there right now who wish they had your fucking problems.) Unemployment right now is at 9% and most likely rising. Do you have health benefits where you are? You probably do. That puts you ahead of about 53% of people in the workforce.

I just volunteered to work at a "displaced worker" seminar here in my home town last weekend. I saw over 2,000 computer and tech professionals, some of which were living out of their RV's because that's all they had left after the Bush economy imploded and they lost their houses, thier jobs and for some of them, their medical support for ongoing problems like heart conditions and diabetes. 

But you don't like the job you have... boo fuckin' hoo!

Find another job, or find a way to transfer out of the one you have now.






KMsAngel -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 1:58:19 AM)

i started over flat broke, with 2 children (teens), doing a uni course and part time job, then no job.

i moved to another state, got grunt work and worked my way up to mgmt in a year.

amazing what knowing you have absolutely nothing and no one to fall back on does for motivation.

i am happier and richer (not just financially) than i have ever been in my entire life- married or single. Life is good when you find out that you can do whatever you fricken well want if you apply yourself and let go.



sirsholly -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 2:33:52 AM)

quote:

amazing what knowing you have absolutely nothing and no one to fall back on does for motivation.
*nods*
It can go either way. A situation such as this is a true test of character [:)]

And the fact that you succeeded does not surprise me in the least, Angeleyes!



housesub4you -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 4:07:51 AM)

SH

I disagree with you, if you are talking about going out into the job market, then age does play a big role.  If you are starting your own business them no it does not.

I'm 48, and when i was looking for work, even though it is against the law to discuss age and not hire because of it, it came up in every interview.  Now I can't prove that because all they have to say is "No we never talked about that", but it does happen.  Also with age comes experience and in today's job market they know even if they hire you at a low wage, as soon as something better comes along you will leave.





sirsholly -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 4:18:56 AM)

quote:

I disagree with you, if you are talking about going out into the job market, then age does play a big role. If you are starting your own business them no it does not.
I was a supervisor of others for a long time (I did not do the hiring/firing) and found that older employees (over 40) were so much more reliable, dependable etc. I think employers are seeing that as well. A 40 yr old female is less likely to take a maternity leave. A 40 yr old male is less likely to call off because he has over played the weekend. An employee over 40 is starting to focus on retirement, building their Social Security, IRA, etc. and job stability is more important to them. A younger employee  gives no thought to retirement, more often than not.

Not just that, but many employers want experience, and that would be difficult to find in a younger person. 



DesFIP -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 5:40:30 AM)

Start saving money. Get a part time job after work and stash every penny away. Once you get used to living on less, and have a cushion in the bank, go get the certification you need.

Make a plan for the next couple of years so you will be able to know that you are on track to getting a better job in two years.



windchymes -> RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed (5/24/2009 6:30:19 PM)

41???  Are you kidding me?  Do you realize you have almost 30 more years to be in the job market?  (Yes, now they're projecting that 70 is the new "retirement" age.) 

Hell, the year I turned 50 (that's FIF-TEE!) I relocated to another state, and took on a job that was related to my career field, but doing things I had never done before IN that career field.  Guess what.....I hated it, and was pretty much on the verge of quitting and relocating somewhere else again, but I ended up transferring to a department that I now love, bought a home, consider myself successful and could retire out of there, but I'm now three months into massage therapy school, because I see another possible career move on the horizon and I want to be ready for it.

So what if you fail temporarily?  Pick yourself back up and try again!  Things have a way of working out for the best when you put your mind to it.

My point is, those 30 years are going to go by anyway.  Do you want to spend them unhappy, scared and unfulfilled, but "safe"?  Or do you want to stick your neck out a little bit, see what you could do, what additional schooling you might get (colleges and tech schools have all kinds of hours to accommodate working adults).  Give your girlfriend the opportunity to respect you for taking the initiative to better yourself, seeking happiness and fulfillment, instead of possibly spending years of her life watching you be unhappy but doing nothing to change that situation.



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