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RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/24/2009 9:03:44 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Hi, John. You're getting a lot of good advice here, and I can't add much to what's already been said. But there are a couple of things I'd like to say.

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967


I am 41 years old, I have a job that pays me really well for a job that requires no physical effort, and provides me with lots of benefits. However I am unhappy there because the job that I signed up for 5 years ago is not the job that I am doing today and I hate the crap that they are making me do.


You hate it now? How much do you think you're going to like it 10 years from now if you stay? 15 years? 25 years from now? How unhappy are you willing to be for the rest of your life?

I've been where you are, and just as scared. More than once, actually. And I was amazed to learn from these experiences that things always work out. They never work out exactly as you plan them, but they work out fine. Just take some time to break your situation down and chart it on paper. Define the problem, list your options, and for each option set, ask yourself - what's the worst that can happen? Be honest about it, and I think you'll find that there really aren't many outcomes worse than being stuck in a miserable, dead-end job for the entire remainder of your life.



quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967
But I have a fear of failure and a fear of letting her down if things get more serious.



Understandable. Have you discussed this with her, though? If you haven't, I think it's time. Do you really think she wants you to be unhappy the rest of your life? If you stay in this dead-end job, and stay miserable, don't you think that's letting her down? What woman wants to join her life with that of a man who's unhappy, unfulfilled, and afraid to take charge of his life and make his situation better? Think about it... isn't that just another form of failure?

So, you make a move and it doesn't turn out the way you'd hoped - what happens then? It's not like the Failure Police are going to knock on your door and take you away to be shot. You'll adapt, try something else, and keep banging away at it until it works out. One thing I always tell myself when I'm feeling stuck or facing what seems like an insurmountable task is - dumber people than I have figured out a way to make this work, so there's no reason I can't, too. You didn't get to be as good as you are at what you do now by being an unimaginative, unresourceful dummy. You've got everything you need to make this work.

Northern Gent punched the crux of the matter right smack in the nose when he said this could be the making of you. In fact, whether you realize it or not, simply by elevating the issue to the point where you're contemplating whether to leave, I think you've already made this a defining moment in your life. There's no way around that now; forever after, the way you look at yourself will be influenced by how you manage this turning point. No matter what decision you wind up making, you're going to know a lot more about who you are when this is over. Good luck, man.


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(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/24/2009 10:40:25 PM   
Zevar


Posts: 801
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Ok, I don't want to make this post about how crappy my job is, or to get hurtful feed back so here is my issue in a nutshell:

I am 41 years old, I have a job that pays me really well for a job that requires no physical effort, and provides me with lots of benefits. However I am unhappy there because the job that I signed up for 5 years ago is not the job that I am doing today and I hate the crap that they are making me do. I have 2.9 college degrees, have 5+ years in the computer tech and support field but have no formal certification. (I was trained hands on, I was an old school Hacker, when the word meant something) Many Companies don't like experience but no certification.

My Mom, Dad, Grandmother and Grandfather are all dead.I am an only child and  I only have an Aunt who is retired and loves to grind me into the fact that she has no money to support me and that if I lose my job then I can be on the streets in a short period of time.  I have more than 10 thousand and less that 16 thousand dollars that I have access too.

Everyday, I go into a Job that I hate, know that I am OVER qualified to do and live in a state that has limited high tech jobs. I don't know what to do, to improve my lot in life and I finally have someone in my life that is going to stay and loves me for who I am.But I have a fear of failure and a fear of letting her down if things get more serious.




I know sometimes when we look at ourself and our problems they can somehow appear to be magnified and without a solution at hand. Try taking your eyes off yourself and the problems and look for the good in your situation. Be grateful for the job you have that produces income. As you know many people are willing and ready to do the job you do not like or rather daily unemployed people would gladly do your job and be glad to have the job you complain about. In this economy there are far less opportunities for some who are more advanced with more than 2.9 degrees. Not to say 2.9 degrees are not an accomplishment. Indeed they are.

However the real issue or antedote is to count your blessings while you have some to count. Multitudes of families and singles are unemployed in the Golden State and have no job after serving faithfully at many different agencies, companies, businesses, coporations and State and Federal jobs. Due to the distressed economy and "Wall Street issues" many have been let go from their jobs which they thought would be "their job" until they decided to leave. This is why I would give thanks for the job you have for NOW. Never delude yourself into thinking you are not replaceable to an employer. We all are replaceable commodoties in the global market of the millenium.

More than likely if you did not have this job you despise you would be far more unhappy than having a job you do not like yet that produces income. Think about it. Obviously you can also market yourself and your skill level but don't quit the day job until you have much more than a handshake or some idealistic notion driving you to resign prematurely.

Now about this fear issue. Although it may " feel" complicted it is in fact simple. Feel the fear and do it anyway. Be the man you naturally are and forge on with the strength of steel. Manhood demands no less. That is as serious and real as I can see it, man to man.

I wish you well,
~ Zevar ~

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/24/2009 11:03:05 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

quote:

I disagree with you, if you are talking about going out into the job market, then age does play a big role. If you are starting your own business them no it does not.
I was a supervisor of others for a long time (I did not do the hiring/firing) and found that older employees (over 40) were so much more reliable, dependable etc. I think employers are seeing that as well. A 40 yr old female is less likely to take a maternity leave. A 40 yr old male is less likely to call off because he has over played the weekend. An employee over 40 is starting to focus on retirement, building their Social Security, IRA, etc. and job stability is more important to them. A younger employee  gives no thought to retirement, more often than not.

Not just that, but many employers want experience, and that would be difficult to find in a younger person. 


Holly, while you would think that would be the case, and it should be the case.  Older workers have financial responsibilities that younger workers do not.  Therefore, they are looking for salaries more in line with their experience.  These days, employers in many companies are concerned more with the bottom line. 

I've not gotten a lot of jobs based on my age, and just as housesub4you stated, they won't ever say that.  One look at my resume and they know I'm older.  Someone over 40 starting over likely has a hard road ahead of them.

That isn't to say the OP should stay put, although until he has something else lined up, he should in this market.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 3:29:54 AM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Ok, I don't want to make this post about how crappy my job is, or to get hurtful feed back so here is my issue in a nutshell:

I am 41 years old, I have a job that pays me really well for a job that requires no physical effort, and provides me with lots of benefits. However I am unhappy there because the job that I signed up for 5 years ago is not the job that I am doing today and I hate the crap that they are making me do. I have 2.9 college degrees, have 5+ years in the computer tech and support field but have no formal certification. (I was trained hands on, I was an old school Hacker, when the word meant something) Many Companies don't like experience but no certification.

My Mom, Dad, Grandmother and Grandfather are all dead.I am an only child and  I only have an Aunt who is retired and loves to grind me into the fact that she has no money to support me and that if I lose my job then I can be on the streets in a short period of time.  I have more than 10 thousand and less that 16 thousand dollars that I have access too.

Everyday, I go into a Job that I hate, know that I am OVER qualified to do and live in a state that has limited high tech jobs. I don't know what to do, to improve my lot in life and I finally have someone in my life that is going to stay and loves me for who I am.But I have a fear of failure and a fear of letting her down if things get more serious.



This is not the reply you want to hear.

My dad just retired from the job he held for 40 years. he hated it. He wanted to be a draughtsman, his mom bullied him into the stock market, as I guess that was a more noble profession for a man in the 1970's. He stuck at that job thru thick and thin, ensuring we had food in our mouths, clothes on our backs and a vacation every year.

It's called duty. It's called being an adult, sucking it up and doing what you gotta do. It's called having a work ethic.

Accreditation and certification can be attained thru your job, and if not, then correspondence school or night classes. You have the skills and money for this not to even be a problem. I'm slightly shocked you haven't done them already, to be frank.

You say you have a Significant Other and hint at an ageing family. Soon, if I'm not mistaken, you'll be expected to provide for one, if not all of them. Now isn't the time to be getting the wobblies over your job, seriously.

You want serious advice? Here's mine. Stop moaning about hating your job. We all do sometimes. You have a future to build in so many ways. Focus on that and do your duty to your future family.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 3:37:34 AM   
sirsholly


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From: Quietville
Status: offline 		OP...meet Kevin..

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(in reply to Fitznicely)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 3:39:17 AM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sirsholly

OP...meet Kevin..


Funny, i was thinking the exact same thing.

(in reply to sirsholly)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 3:54:57 AM   
MissDominae


Posts: 94
Joined: 8/9/2008
Status: offline 		John, about 10 years ago there was a movie made in the country called "The Dish".   In it, one of the characters is asked why he took on such a difficult task where failure was so possible, when the option to play it safe was there for him.

His response, which I now live my life by, was "Failure is never quite so frightening as regret"

If you leave your job things may change, perhaps for the worse, perhaps for the better.   If you don't leave it though, nothing changes.   I suppose the question is, are you prepared to live with that lack of change as the consequence of doing nothing?   To gain much we must usually risk much.   When I was much younger I was faced with the choice of losing everything - family, friends, career, prospects, status - for one chance to finally be me.   I took it and I lost all of those things ....... and then rebuilt them three times over and better.

If I was again faced with that choice I would take it, without hesitation, every time.

Whatever you choose, may it prove to be a positive and affirming choice for you.

Blessings ........ Miss D

(in reply to NorthernGent)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 4:00:12 AM   
SilverMark


Posts: 3457
Joined: 5/9/2007
Status: offline 		Suck it up and be glad you have a job!.....that is, if you want to eat and have a roof over your head!....being happy is a wonderful pursuit but, not always practical...maybe relocation is an answer if the job you want isn't available where you are...the best time to find a job is when you have one!....

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(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 4:05:05 AM   
berrysurprise


Posts: 75
Joined: 9/4/2006
Status: offline 		For a start... Rent or buy the doco movie 'the secret'

You need to stop limiting yourself. not just in your way of thinking but what you say can also affect your life...

What you say is the sure truth of what will happen...

e.g. if you say that you are not going to cope without this job and life is not going to get any better... then ultimately it wont.

If you say that you will have no problem doing something you know you are great at and put all your energy into thinking positively about making it work. Then ultimately it will.

If you truly want it you can have it. you just have to go and get it...

good luck!!!!



(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 6:56:07 AM   
fluffypet61


Posts: 28879
Joined: 12/25/2006
From: New Jersey
Status: offline 		There is something that i think no one has suggested yet.  Develop a hobby or other outside interest that may have nothing to do with your job.  Many folks stay in a job they dislike while they are fulfilled by their hobby.  The job for them is only something to do to be able to live while they live for their hobby. 
 
Sometimes your job skills or training will figure into the hobby - often they don't.  i know someone who enjoyed auto racing who joined a team in the pits and had so much fun that they didn't mind their job so much.  Also a bread delivery truck driver who is a radio amateur.    He lives for his hobby and goes to the job so he can live.
 


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(in reply to berrysurprise)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 10:43:53 AM   
YoungBlondeSlave


Posts: 953
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SilverMark

Suck it up and be glad you have a job!.....that is, if you want to eat and have a roof over your head!....being happy is a wonderful pursuit but, not always practical...maybe relocation is an answer if the job you want isn't available where you are...the best time to find a job is when you have one!....


Exactly, quit whining. i was supposed to get a bonus at the beginning of the year and instead got a pay cut. Everyone is outraged (gotta love working for the state) but me. i'm just like "hey, i've still gotta job." And, rubbing it in the noses of those who are unemployed...you're not going to get a whole lot of sympathy.

(in reply to SilverMark)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 12:28:18 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		I don't see where the OP is rubbing anything in anyone's faces, and I don't see why anyone would accuse him of whining. He's just saying he doesn't like his job, is thinking of doing something different, but has some worries and would like some advice. It doesn't matter how bad the economy is or how many other people are unemployed, people still have a right to not like their jobs and to wish for something that would make them happier. This isn't the Soviet Union, for god's sake.

Why is it impossible for anyone to ask even the most innocent question in these forums without people jumping all over them for whining? Isn't that one of the principle reasons for this forum, for people to ask advice? I honestly don't know anymore why anyone in their right mind would even bother.



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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to YoungBlondeSlave)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 1:29:12 PM   
Fitznicely


Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline 		As an unemployed person, I feel I should mention that actually I'm not feeling bitter towards the OP. I don't think he's whining, either.

Problem is, people post to a forumfull of forthright opinions, strongly held beliefs and wildly differing lifestyles and backgrounds and expect to be patted on the back and praised for being so clever.

Ain't gonna happen.

My advice was sincere and honest, just as the OP asked for. Everyone else will have to answer for themselves.

_____________________________

I tell you this: No eternal reward will forgive us now for wasting the dawn
Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 2:36:08 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline 		Well, Fitz, for what it's worth I thought your advice was pretty damned good. You were a little blunt with him, but whatever criticism you offered was clearly constructive criticism, and the tone of your post made it obvious that you were sincerely trying to help. You took the time to read his post, didn't misinterpret what he was saying, and didn't lambast him for things he didn't even say. That's a blueprint for constructive advice. If only the blueprint were followed more often....

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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Real and Serious Advice Needed - 5/25/2009 2:54:21 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnSteed1967

Honestly "FEAR" I don't want to wind up making a mistake and being on the street with nothing! I am 41 I can't start over again


One question: what the hell is the problem with starting over at the age of 41? Just so you know, I have no college or university degree, worked 20 years in the restaurant industry up until 2001. I quit that career, took a year hiatus to re-prioritize my life and went self employed, I took a hobby and turned it into a second career. I am now 48 and about to revamp my home business into a different direction.


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(in reply to JohnSteed1967)
Profile   Post #: 55
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